The Virus Inside and Out

 I spent the evening with Lynn, my neighbor, yesterday.  Her house is neat, clean...and sparse. She reminds me of my Aunt Doris. Aunt Doris was a minimalist.  Lynn had not one Christmas decoration.  It isn't that Lynn is an unbeliever. She goes to church every Sunday.  She just doesn't feel a need to decorate since it is only she that lives there.  I could be that way but it is just traditional.  I need the decorations.  

Lynn says she doesn't like to cook, even though she has a freezer and pantry full of healthy foods.  I told her my thing in the winter is crockpots full of homemade soup.  I told her I would text her whenever I made a crockpot of some and tell her what kind I have and if she wants to stop by and have some then she is welcome.  She said, "I'll bring some wine!"  I told her that she didn't need to bring wine.  I don't like to drink so much.  If she wants to drink it with her soup, then it is up to her.

I got home and into my pj's just in time to get a call from Debbie. She was on her way home from her nursing shift. She told about the large number of COVID patients and the one that coded out on her.  She said her youngest daughter, Olivia, who lives with her and works at the hospital not too far from me, just tested positive for COVID.  Debbie told her admin and they told HER not to get tested unless she had symptoms.  This means, she could be attending to patients, have the virus but be asymptomatic, and be giving it to someone that is already sick.  

Ironically, after I talked to her, I got a text from my ex sister-in-law/friend Belinda who let me know her oldest sister Karen (whom I really loved because she was always so sweet, funny, and kind) had just died at the hospital where Debbie is working.  Karen had a lot of health issues for a while.  She was very over weight and did nothing to rectify her health situation. She had been in this hospital for a week.  She had sepsis, bad lungs, and ended up having emergency surgery early Thursday morning for a stomach infection then was put on a ventilator.  Last night she coded 3 times and the 4th time they could not bring her back.  I certainly am not telling her the information that Debbie shared with me about her COVID situation. It would make Belinda feel even worse.  

Then on the Christian breaking news this morning I was listening about how the Catholic Archbishop has urged the church to reject Joe Biden.  The nation of Israel is preparing for renewed attacks when Biden takes office as it endured when Obama was president.  

It looks as though God has decided that it is now the time for the end.  Instead of fighting for our pathetic lives on this planet, we should be preparing for our lives in His Kingdom.  It is scary because this is what we know down here. Heaven is unknown but I do know that it will be so much better.  I do pray for family and friends that need to be saved, still.  It weighs on my heart.  

Caught In My Brain

 I am definitely a product of my parents.  My mother has anxiety and needs to have control over things.  Since she learned to let go of trying to control what her kids do (I must have been quite the disappointment when I moved back here because she was expecting someone she would have to take care of and I refused to let her do it) she has put herself into the outdoors around her.  I won't even get in to that.  I will say, her need to 'prove' her worth has caused her to neglect her physical and put too much strain on her shoulder replacement and now it looks like she will need a new one.

My father has dark moods.  They will come out of nowhere and he refuses to interact with anyone...and it is best if you don't try to make him, either.  He doesn't get physically violent (although I have seen him snap and throw things a few times) but he is surly in his conversation and says things that can be hurtful.  On the other hand, when a problem presents itself, he will roll it around in his head and look it over, consult books, etc, until he comes up with a solution. Once he is engaged in that, let him go.

I have my mother's anxiety but have learned to step back from my kids' lives.  It was easier with Bethany because she and Jordan showed me a long time ago that they can work together and solve things together.  They plan and implement the plan. With my son, he has been more needy.  I enabled that.  I admit it.  He had a problem and instead of letting him figure it out, I jumped in and took over.  I was always worried about his stress/anxiety level and afraid he would regress into panic attacks.  He is doing okay now.  And, with each thing he learns to do on his own, it is having the opposite effect...he is gaining confidence and losing some anxiety.  Really, I should have realized that would happen but...I just couldn't seem to let go.  

I am pouring myself into my work and my home again.  I am finding time for friends around me...even in this time of COVID.  I passed my first class on Auditory Processing Disorder with a 100% A+.  I am working on another class that is in it's second of 3 phases.  I passed the first phase with 100%.  

I had to replace a shut off valve on the toilet in my main bathroom.  I happened to have bought one because I had noticed that it wouldn't shut off and I knew I had to replace the inside working of the toilet tank. Then it suddenly started dripping profusely all over the floor a week later.  So, there I was, with wrenches taking it apart and putting the new one on.  My dad came the next day and replaced the tank parts for me while I was working.  He didn't seem to mind and neither did my mom.  He got out of the house, was busy and my mom got some time to herself as well.  I am glad I am useful.  LOL  When foraging in the basement for my Christmas decorations I found a surprise. When I came back from TJ's when I went to see the new home, I brought back some rubbermaid storage boxes that I have leant them to pack and move.  I put them in the basement.  It so happens they were beneath my main bathroom, right below where the toilet sits. And when the shut off valve flooded the floor and the water leaked through the floor around the toilet, it all fell inside the empty storage box.  If that box hadn't been there, they water would have been all over my basement floor.

Back to my classes...they have projects that have to be put together.  I read all of the assignments and see what will be expected then I roll it around in my head for a while until I come up with something that will satisfy my class project AND I can use with my students as I make lessons. That way, I am not doing double the work.  It saves time and I can see my project working as I submit it for a grade.

You should see my daily calendar.  I have it all lined up with what I have to do.  This included writing IEP documents, phone calls to parents, recording help videos for my students, doing my course work, etc.  

The problem with what dad and I do...getting lost in the problem...is we neglect ourselves.  I have tried to include time, now, to revamp my diet to make it work better for me.  I have also done some thinking about me and how I respond and act with people.  You sometimes don't see your own problem.  People come at me and want to DO things and take me along and my first response it to recoil.  'That's not in my plan!'  I think part of it is I don't trust.  Another part of it is I am afraid that they will decide I no longer fit into their life and will leave and I will never see them again.  I am trying to be okay with that possibility.  No one likes rejection, after all.  I also am trying to be okay with the idea that just because you meet people and like them, does not mean you have to be in each other's lives.  I don't have to be everybody's friend.  I may like who they are and what they do....possibly though there are just enough things about each of us that would not be a good fit to be constant friends.  I may have a small tight circle of people that I trust and want to be around but that's okay.  I have never been a 'large circle' kind of person.  It is tiring to be that way...for me. I feel like I am on display.  I have learned that I have my own thoughts and likes and if someone is in agreement, great but if not, they are allowed that also. Move on and out.  I don't take it as a sign of rejection of ME...just differences.  And some people are not comfortable with those differences.  I am not comfortable with some differences. 

Sometimes I alter my plans.  Like today.  I took a break from teaching today so that I could get my course work caught up.  I was overwhelmed and I have learned to recognize it and give myself a break before I have a melt down.  So, having acknowledged that, it is time to get back to it.  

Never Too Old to Learn

 I am my mother's daughter.  I am learning some things that my mom had to learn.  It's tough when you are used to being the one that takes care of everything and everyone.  You hover and deal.  You find your worth in making everyone else's life easier.  You don't know how to quit doing that.

I have had to step back from my son's life.  Things came to a head with my daughter in law.  I had no idea there was a problem but I really should have seen it.  She came to resent me very much.  My son was constantly running to me to vent and for advice.  I kept helping out with money and advice and giving them needed maintenance items for their new home.  I didn't know that there was a resentment that was growing within her to the point that when I drove down to see their new place, and I had a push mower and other items in tow, she went and stayed at her mom's and a huge fight happened between her and my son.  I was shocked and very hurt.  I felt as if I was getting kicked in the butt for all of my efforts over the years.  It still stings but I have to remind myself that it is not MY life.  

I left and came home.  She came back home.  I told my son that I was stepping back and letting them do what they needed to do to work things out.  He, at first, was upset...thinking that I was shunning him.  I explained that she resented me and if they were going to work it out, I needed to not be involved.  I was always out here but I just would not be lending assistance to them or advice.  They needed to live their own lives and figure it out.  He said he understood and that he needed to quit venting about her to others and just talk more to her.  I have barely heard anything out of him in 3 weeks.  He has called is sister once.  I just pray for him and have to have faith that they are working it out.

Work has been work.  I have been finding new ways of doing things.  I have also been resenting the co-workers that EXPECT me to do things for them when they are perfectly capable of doing things themselves.  

I am working on 2 college classes as once. They both end at the same time...right before winter break.  I was so looking forward to winter break but then I got a jury summons in the mail.  It begins on my winter break time.  I may not be chosen anyway because I have to return a questionnaire.  I have to do that today.  

So, my weekend is a mixture of household duties, college work and school work.  

The church is closed down because a large part of the attendees have been getting sick.  For some of them it was a positive test for COVID, for others it is just another type of flu or cold.  My brother tested positive for COVID but his wife tested negative.  He had an automatic 10 days off from work.  He has not been sick at all and he said he has gotten some much needed home maintenance done.  We pretty much feel he got a false positive and he's fine with it.  None of us that were around him have gotten sick either.  

Bethany is still working her job and God has given her good health.  Jordan is now delivering packages for FedEx instead of just loading trucks.  He is making more money doing delivery.  He says he is making connections that will help his mushroom business.  He may decide to stay where they are.  I would rather move back down that way but I have no friends down there.  I have a few aquaintences but no friends.  I liked the area better.  I will be looking to sell here this spring and move closer to the PA border where my family is.  If Bethany and Jordan go through with their plans this spring, too, they will be moving just on the other side of the PA border.  It is a better area for them.  My friends Susan's other son and DIL moved just the other side of the PA border, too, this summer.  

I have not had any contact with Susan since school started...other than text and a few phone calls.  Her mother fell and broke her arm and things were rather touch and go for them.  But, with some help from her older sister, Susan was able to maintain and her mom is now doing a lot better.  

Debbie had to be tested for COVID because of sick workers but she came out negative also.  She and her daughter managed to put up a wire mesh fenced area around the back of their house for her mom's 2 dogs.  She has found having a house keeps her busy on her days off from nursing.  It is a good thing.

Through everything, I have noticed that my sense of humor has dwindled to not much.  I have been figuring out new things about myself and have discovered that I am only a shell of who I thought I was.  I was going along being me and thinking I was okay when I keep finding out more and more that I was causing problems with people and I have found it all confusing.  Confusing or not, I have had to step back away from more and more people.  Me living my life has caused so much resentment and upset for so many people.  It hurts when you realize that you just being you upsets others so much that you just have to lose them.  I figure at some point I will just be alone.  

Okay...time to get my day started.  

The Blast of Lightening

 I have a new term...Blast of Lightening.

It is the thoughts that come suddenly into my head...that I wasn't pondering on but it seems God is giving me encouragement or enlightenment about something that gives me an 'AHA" moment.

One day, as I was putting laundry into the washer this thought just suddenly came into my head:

"Things are worked out way in advance...I began working on things  before you knew what was coming.  I knew what was in Troy's head and heart so I was the reason he lost his job WHEN he did and that he was given that job in another state when he did.  I took him AWAY from you to help you.  I worked out the unemployment for you for that year because I knew you would need the time.  Now that you see...you NEED to not be anxious.  I have been there every step.  I will be there for you when you need to retire.  I will take care of it.  Have FAITH!"

I have not been thinking about my ex except when I pray for him.  I have come to pity his life.  And I have been able to forgive and realize what he has done to me throughout the years was because he did not know better and I had chosen to marry him and I stayed with him.  I also realized that because I forgive him does not mean he has to be in my life.  So, I pray for him because I care about his soul the way I do everyone's.

I start my day with a prayer of thanksgiving...thankful for the roof over my head, thankful for a job that He keeps helping me to grow in and do better as I go along, thankful for His protection of my family and friends.  Then I continue to ask for protection and salvation for family, friends and people that I may not be fond of...my ex is one.  

I went to Bible Study/Prayer meeting Wednesday night for the first time.  It is a 20 minute drive out into the country to get there.  Hardly any traffic.  It was nice to be amongst other Christians.  It was good to study and pray.  I lifted up Heather...a co-worker.  I have known her for going on 6 years.  She has a boy in 8th grade and she is a single mom.  The dad lives in the same city and for some reason they never got married.  He is not married either.  They are good friends.  She would wake early every morning and take her son for hockey practice before she started her job with OHVA.  Then at the end of May, she lost sight in one eye and her other eye was blurry. She was admitted to the hospital and she told them she would raise a very large fit if COVID was anywhere on her hospital records. They ran tests and told her she has MS and they gave her something that restored her eyesight...until the end of July when her sight left her..both eyes.  It has not returned since.  She is a Christian.  I know this must be very tough for her.

I told her story in prayer meeting and we prayed for her long and hard.  I have not heard anything about her condition yet.  I pray for her every day.  We used to keep in contact through work IM and FB IM but, of course, there has not been any of that since a FB IM was sent to me to inform me of her eye sight loss.  I have prayed about what I can do to encourage her.  She is in NW Ohio now at her parents' house and I was given the address.  A package will go out soon.

God gives us little 'winks' and we get things that give us just that little bit of joy.  I have often looked at my couch and thought about trying to find pillows that would contrast but it was always a non-essential so I have not looked.  Then, my sister talked me into going with her to a street sale.  As I strolled along and was looking at things, I happened to look down at some things laid out on a sheet by a table and there were these 2 beautiful throw pillows that matched my couch exactly with the colors and they woman said she only wanted $1 for them.  So, of course I snatched them. They are perfect and made with strong material.  And it made me quite happy.  Pillows.  Used pillows.  for $1.  God gave me that little thing that made me happy...an unexpected thing that doesn't mean anything to anyone other than me.  At another street sale I found a vase with a butterfly on it...for a quarter and on the bottom of it was written: For Nancy.  ha ha!  It's the little 'winks' from God.

After prayer meeting on Wednesday night, Debbie insisted she take me for tea and cake for my birthday. As we sat drinking our tea she looked at me and said, "I want you to know that I appreciate your friendship.  It is good to have someone there that shares my struggles. It has been a joy to get to know you again."  I was shocked and just let that sink in.  I thanked her and told her I felt exactly the same about her.  We encourage, are there for the other one to lean on when needed, do not judge.  I am not here to condemn or cause someone else to stumble.  I know what I see and think may not be the whole story and I certainly am not going to make someone feel badly about their life.  She struggles and has been through a lot.  She has 4 kids that have all gone and are going through so many things and she is trying to help them make the right choices and they are not always going in the right direction.  I told her all we can do is pray and set the example.  I do not have to 'work' to be her friend, explain myself or beg for her to understand and accept me as I am.  Susan is another good friend.  She does not judge my every thought and act.  

I am feeling that maybe TJ and Brit are doing better right now.  I am thankful that TJ has stood in his faith and follows a path he knows is right for him.  I pray that they both continue to seek and follow.  This new home for them is a beginning to a better existence for them.  I pray that God blesses it.

I pray that Bethany and Jordan find their path with God.  I will be traveling down to see TJ and his new home in a few weeks.  I do not know if I will see Bethany. She and Jordan have been very careful about getting out around others.  I told them I will understand if I can't see them right now.  They will be up here by May this next year and I can see them all I want.  This COVID sucks and it creates a chasm.  

I am thankful for the people that have passed through my life that have helped me become who I am.  Sometimes these people were painful, sometimes they were helpful but they ALL changed me.  God winked.

Priorities and Goals

 Not everyone has the same priorities. Priorities line up with the type of person you are and how you intend to live your life.

That last line was, believe it or not, a billboard-in-my-head moment for me.  It should not have been something I already knew and I sure I did in the back of my mind but it is now out there hitting me in the face.

It brings things even more into focus for me.  The ego in us wants to know that we are a priority with someone.  We are disappointed when we are not a priority.  BUT, you have to consider the person and how they want to live their life.

If I had done that in my 20's, I would have not married the person I did.  I would have realized at that time he would not prioritize me...his marriage...his kids.  And I just mean he did not prioritize spending time and attention on any of that I mentioned.  He prioritized financially supporting us...the marriage. But his time was prioritized on HOW he wanted to live his life...time with his friends seeking 'fun'.

I am not saying I was/am perfect.  I am not prioritizing what I need to either...especially for the way I want to live my life.  

As far as friends and family I learned a long time ago that everyone has a lot going on in their lives around them and prioritizing their goals and family is what is important. I have never expected anyone to remember ANYTHING about me or my life.  I just naturally expect to have to remind/repeat.  My mother rights things on a calendar when any of us tell her anything special that is going on in our lives...even a doctor appointment. She wants to be 'present' for all of it.   And by that I mean she wants to be conscious of it, pray about it, ask about outcomes.  

I have a problem of being too focused on just my priorities.  I have tried to change that by consciously choosing to be more present for someone else.  I stop and make a mental note of what is going on in someone else's life that is of great concern to them.  I make a conscious effort to step out of my own 'head' and turn my attention on someone else.

My friend Debbie has a habit now of calling me and talking to me when she is driving home from her 12 hour shift of nursing.  She works 2-3 days a week.  She starts with laughingly saying, "I'm sorry I am driving!"  I had to tell her it is fine, I know why she does and it is different than my ex.  Once he moved to Kansas, the ONLY time he talked to me was when he was driving home from work.  I had my suspicions then and they were right....he had someone else at his place and therefore, he could not talk to me once he was home.  And certainly could not speak to me on the weekend then.  So, I guess she gets it now.  

My son will usually just call me when he is out away from his wife.  He has his own issues to deal with there.  Btw, he is signing the closing papers on his house on Monday, which is also his 30th bday. WHAT a bday present to himself!  His contract with McGraw Hill has been extended to at least January and they may end up hiring him fulltime. Even if they don't, he now has an office to be in at home where he can study for his IT cyber security certificates and get a better paying job.

Bethany talks to me every 3rd week.  Life passes by so fast, we just don't realize how much time has passed.  She texts with me.  I pray for her daily.  I have prioritized my concern and for my kids.  

I have also prioritized myself in that I will not stay on my computer working constantly. When 5 o'clock comes, with only a few exceptions, I will shut it off.  I refuse to do work on it on Saturday, which means, also unfortunately, that I may have to sit on on Sunday evening to get things ready for the week.  I will get to a point when the weather is awful, that I may do that work on Saturday mornings instead.  

But, being that it is Sunday morning, I need to do a different kind of prioritizing and get ready for church.

Get Rid of It

It's ironic listening to Dr. James Merritt this morning.  He is preaching about getting rid of it...the bitterness, the feeling that someone owes you...

Before the sermon started, I was thinking about forgiving and that it was okay to let it go 'as long as others knew how you had been 'wronged'.  THEN I thought...why is that important? Why do you have to go around letting others know what that other person had done to us?  Aren't we trying to hand over that anger to them to carry, instead of you?   That's exactly what we are doing.  We are just handing off the burden.  

I can sit and look at what I did wrong...I can admit to it.  Others do bad things to people because they have

sinfulness within them.  You can't expect them to be a good person if there is sinfulness in their heart.  I have let sinfulness into my heart and did not treat someone with kindness or compassion.  

If Jesus could go to the cross and endure the torture he did and die for a world full of unkind and sinful people, then I should be able to let it go...whatever the wrong has been done against me.  That is for them to work out with God and if I lash out against them...I am not setting a good Christian example.  

But here is the distinction...you can forgive, let it go but that does not mean that you lay out the Welcome mat and let them back into your life.  

Learn, forgive, let it go and move on.  Don't transfer your anger to others to carry on.

The Big Melt

 This week has been extremely stressful.  Along with all of the other problems...trying to write IEPs, teach classes, record extra help sessions, our school system going on the blink...the Language Arts teacher quit Thursday morning.  THEN the lawn guy showed up and I told him if he wanted to wait until he mowed the lawn of the woman behind me so that he could do them both at the same time, that was okay with me.  He left.  Then called me up 3 hours later yelling at me that I was just trying to save money so he wasn't going to mow my lawn anymore.  

He wouldn't let me talk.  He said he'd made up his mind and hung up.  It sent me into an emotional tailspin.  It was like major PTSD.  My mind goes spinning, my chest hurts and it lasted for the rest of the day and night...into the next day.  It took me until this afternoon to feel somewhat normal.  

Then I watched a show that had something going on in it that started it all up again.

I would love to 'get help' but I can't afford it.  I don't know if it would even help.  The whole thing worries me because I know that on my mom's side of the family they ended up in states of paranoia as they aged.  I am too young to be in that state yet but I could be sinking into it all ready.  

I sit here and start feeling badly that I am alone and don't see much of anyone and if I sat here and died I am not sure there would be anyone that would feel bad or miss me.  I know that isn't true because my family would.  But friends?  Who?  Susan and Debbie would miss me but probably not much.  We all have been so busy with new things in our lives and our jobs we haven't had much time to spend together.  I am hoping by October that will change a bit.

But I want to be loved...someone that would be so heartbroken if I died.  Someone whose life I would make a big hole in if I died.  

I also realized something else today.  I got out of the house and went to a very long garage sale.  It was a 60 mile long garage sale.  I think we went 10 miles.  I stopped at my parents' for a little bit.  Then came home.  I felt better.  I need to get out and have a group of people.  

I have to make sure I go to church on Sundays and Bible study on Wednesday night.  I need a group of people and out of my house.  My mental health depends on it.  

Diaper Genie

 I am buried.  IEPs are long...writing them.  When we get new students in our school we have to rewrite their Individual Education Plans within  30 days. When school STARTS, all new students with IEPs have a countdown from the first day of school.  I had 11 out of 20 students on my caseload that are new.  I also had one thrown in that is not new but his IEP was set to expire the 2nd week of school so I had to do his IEP first. Sarah, my friend and 6th grade IS had this student last year and she was SUPPOSED to redo his IEP in May. But she didn't.  She blew it off.  I won't get angry with her (frustrated maybe) because she has a pre-schooler at home with encephalitis.  

So right now I am finishing up the last of the IEPs I need for next week (5 of them) then I have 6 to have ready for the NEXT week.  Good thing we have Monday off and they cancelled all of our meetings on Friday.  There goes my life.  

To make life more interesting our online school system has taken a major crapper and the students can't get into their lessons.  The teachers are scrambling to give them things to work on that are not in our system.  I have a padlet that I set up and I am putting EVERYTHING on it for them.  I make a weekly  organizer that has all of the lessons for the week for each class, assignments, quizzes, etc.  I put class handouts, notes, extra help recordings, instructions on how to do things online, help sheets, etc.  I told the parents it is like a ONE STOP SHOP for anything they need...and can't find.  

AND...to make life just a BIT more interesting...at the beginning of all of this, I discovered that one of the students assigned to my caseload has most of his classes in the 8th grade.  I pointed this out to my Lead, Ashley. She said, I believe I sent you an email about that. He's in advanced classes.

hhhmmmm....So I retorted, "nope.  Not seeing that email.  I am curious as to how this student is 'advanced' when he has EVERYTHING on his IEP plus an IQ of 71."  *crickets*  "I will have to check on that."  I just knew that somehow I was going to get left to clean up that mess...holding the diaper and the box of wipes.

It went around and around.  Turns out this kid was put in 6th grade classes when he was in 5th grade...for everything but ELA.  Last year's 6th grade IS never said anything to Ashley about it and it just went along that way. The mom has been doing his work and his MAP tests for him so he gets great scores and grades so they advanced him...never mind that when he has to take state tests on his own his scores are in the toilet and let's ignore his IQ.  

Well, they bounced it around and around...at least Ashley and the Lead 8th grade teacher had the lovely 'discussion' with the mother about this BUT I get left to clean up the mess.  Or make a big dent in it. They want me to work with him on some basic Math problems from his 8th grade math class.  I am supposed to let the mother know he needs to work with me alone.  (is this possible for her to do?)  I asked them both when they would like me to do it...then I showed them my schedule for next week.  And explained that I have 5-6 more IEPs to write.  Ashley said to get it done when I can but the Lead teacher suggested that I leave MY kids in the lurch with their math class next Thursday and join her class to work with this kid.  Sure.  Let's just go ahead and do that.  

Some mess that someone conjured up 2 years ago...and WHY was I the one to discover the problem or just to say something about it?

I need a winning lottery ticket.  

TJ and Brit are still waiting on the word about whether or not they will get their loan for that house.  The inspection has been done but they are waiting for the underwriter.  I am praying something works for them.  

I just need to hang in there until Sept 18.  Then, after that, I will only have 1 IEP a week for the next month.  I am contemplating taking my birthday as a Personal Day off from school.  However, I may table that and wait to see if TJ and Brit get the house.  If they do, I will wait and take a personal day so that I can go see it and take some things down to them.  I may be able to load and take my push mower for them to use for a while.  I am not using it now that I have a guy that mows my lawn for me each week.  It is SO nice!  He has this HUGE commercial zero turn mower and he can finish it so VERY FAST!  It would take me almost 2 hours to mow and trim my lawn. He is done in about half an hour.  

Debbie called me on the way home from work last night.  She was laughing about how she flirted with a guy to get him to come and put a cap on her chimney (she finally moved in with her mom and is part way through the paperwork to get the house put in her name).  And she was flirting with the dad of one of her patients.  She said he didn't go for it but she was flirting.  I told her, "good for you!  I am not even sure I know how to do that anymore."  Or maybe it is just that I am not motivated to do so.

Susan's school has started back up...second week for them also. She said she is exhausted with this routine. She has also taken in her oldest son's dogs while he and his wife are in 2 different places waiting on the sale of their house to finish and the purchase of the new one to close.  He is living in a hotel room near his soon to be old job while his wife is living with her parents near her new job.  AND Susan has HER mom to take care of.  

My younger sister is exhausted every day too. Her school job is much worse because of the COVID business.  I told her that maybe it would be what she needs to lose the weight she wants to lose. She said, "you'd think so but no...haven't lost a pound."  I told her to give it about 3 weeks. 

I repeat:  I need a winning lottery ticket.  Oh Diaper Genie...if I rub you, will you give me the winning lottery ticket?  

Energy Efficiency

Wednesday and Thursday were not such great days when it came to exercise.  I am in a crunch right now.  I have more than half of my students that I need to have IEPs ready for by Sept 10 and 17.  Which means I need to get those parents on the phone and get the meeting schedule set.  I will be writing IEPs all next week...trying to get that done before the classes begin.  I also have teaching programs to get used to and be able to use.  I only got 2 out 18 parents on the phone yesterday.  One parent stuck right to the subject of student and school.  That was a quick 30 minute call (yes, quick, because I have a lot of information to go over with them) and the other parent wanted to yap about everything...her ills, her troubles, etc...yet, I still managed to get her off the phone in 45 minutes.  I watch the clock.  They have a 45 time frame, max then I need to move on to the next parent.

I have to make sure I am eating better besides trying to get some exercise in.  

I visited my parents last night.  I just needed to get out of the house...so did Lucy...and have some human contact.  My parents are still alive and kicking because they go out and do a lot of physical labor...I am convinced of that.  They are clearing not only their yard and the 'swamp' behind them but they are also helping the neighbors behind them keep their yards cleared.  I do not envision me EVER having that kind of energy.  Heck, I don't have it NOW.  I even hired a guy to mow and trim my yard.  I will tell YOU...it is WONDERFUL! For the first time in decades, I am not the one mowing the lawn.

I hit the ground running this morning.  I did some chores this morning.  A container of 2 grams of sugar yogurt and a cup of coffee for now, too.  Yesterday I only had coffee all morning, that container of yogurt after noon and real food did not make it on a plate until 5 o'clock. That was not good for me because my body does not work that way.  However, this afternoon will be veggies from my garden with sugar free honey dijon dip.  

Next week is supposed to be cooler.  I am SO looking forward to that.  I like the temps in the 70's.  Maybe I can get some painting done during my lunch time next week.  I am hoping to paint my front door tomorrow.  I SO want that done!

Time Flies Need Eradicated

 The school year has sort of started.  Kids haven't started but the rest of us have.  We did not have to go to the big family fun meeting place this year.  I was SO happy.  I HATE that place...so much confusion and it is COLD and the food sucks.  I don't like having to check the bed for bed bugs.  uck!

I was separated from my teaching team I was in last year.  I was placed in a POD that has 2 new teachers and 2 new Intervention Specialists.  A POD consists of 2 ELA gen ed teachers, 2 math gen ed teachers, 4 Intervention Specialists. Each POD consists of 2 teams.  MY team is the 2 new teachers and 1 new Intervention Specialist.  The math teacher from the other team, I worked with a couple years ago in a POD. She called me yesterday afternoon because she said she felt she needed to see how I was doing with all of this NEW.  She told me that she says I should take it as a compliment...that obviously they felt I was capable enough to help get the new people on track and get everyone through the year. She said she felt I was always on it and ready.  Even if that is true...I don't WANT to be that person.  This year is going to be crazy enough without having to take on all of this NEW.  However, I don't seem to have a choice in the matter.  

Charity...the IS I worked with last year...is upset because she said she wouldn't have made it through last year without me.  She messages me now still and asks me all kinds of questions.  Tonight she messaged me and asked me if I had seen the new students that we got.  This was around 7 o'clock. I told her, "Why did you have to mess up my night with talk of work?"  She said she was sorry but they just put out a new spreadsheet and now she has 36 students.  I found that quite suspect so I had to go check my work computer.  I found the email, opened the spreadsheet and sorted for our names.  I still had 18 students.  I told her, "I only see 18 students under your name." She said, "yes and I already had 18 students." "Charity, if you look at the names, you will find they are those same 18 students."  "oh"  Then she spent the next 10 minutes messaging me 'sorry' memes.  I told her it was fine...no harm.  she could relax...yada yada.  Oy

My younger sister may find herself without a job and no pay since her school district is planning on closing down and doing online for at least the rest of the semester and since she is a paraprofessional they said they would not be working, would not be paid and could not file for unemployment because they are state govt workers.  She just bought a new car in June to replace the old van that fell apart in March.  

My son is looking for his next job when this contract expires in October. He says it does not look like he will be hired on full time.  They said they will be letting contract workers go.  

And the hits just keep on coming.  My brother said things where he works are nuts so he took the week off.  

I just need to keep trying to make some positive changes for myself.  More exercise each day.  I have been doing some each day but I need to start increasing that.  I am drinking a lot more water.  I need to try some yoga.  I also need to make my butt move out the door and off some place every once in a while.

My front door is waiting to be painted along with the trim around the outside and inside.  I also need to get my house number sign completed.  I hope it is not raining Saturday.  

I also am registering to take a 3 semester credit hour class this semester about processing disorders.  I have until December 1 to complete it.  My school is paying for it and I need the credit hours to renew my teaching license.  yay.  

Shut the Door...Do You Live in a Barn?

So, I needed a new front door.  I NEEDED it...didn't just WANT one...NEEDED it.  So, my dad went with me to get it.  He and I brought it home, put it in my garage.  He looked over the door opening and I could see the look on his face...he was dreading the job.  After all, he is 86 years old and he is worn out.  I tried to find someone to do that job and do it in a way I could afford.  However, I did not have luck making contact with the names of guys I was given that COULD do it.  Until I found this group in the area that helps fix up neglected properties.  I asked the guy in charge of that if he could share a name of someone with me that I could contact to install a door for me.  This guy says his group can do it for cheaper as long as they can put before and after pictures on the website.  He sent a guy over who looked it over and gave me a price.  I had no other options.

He came, did the job.  Left.  BUT, I did not check before he left.  There are things not completed.  I have had a back and forth with his 'boss' about it. This guy wanted me to pay more to complete things.  I told him to not come back because I would take care of it.  THEN the guy texts me this morning and tells me he lost the check I gave him and could I give him another?  If I STOP the check, I can write him another less the price of the STOP fee.  Another lesson for me: he wanted me to leave the 'payee' line blank so that he could fill it in with his daughter's name so that she could deposit it.

I texted him back and raked him up one side and down the other.  I told him that I would put a STOP on it but it is Sunday and there is no guarantee that will not be cashed before the STOP goes into effect.  He will have to wait a few days for me to make sure that it did not get cashed AND if it turns out that it has been cashed, he will not be getting another check.  I have not heard anything from him.  Think he was trying to get 2 payments out of me?  (oh, he JUST texted me and told me he found it in the wash...could he stop by and get a new check?  I told him if he brings me the ruined check I will write him another one but not unless he gave me the proof...no offense. *eye roll* He told me he can do that but it looks like lint.  I told him that if HE could tell it was my check, then I should be able to, also.  piece.of.work)

This is what happens when you let strangers into your life for ANY reason.

On the other hand, the guy that mows my lawn is the opposite.  He mows my lawn for the same amount that he charges the woman behind me...and my lawn is twice what hers is.  He does all the trim and he does a GREAT job!  He is a breath of fresh air.  A man of integrity.  SO appreciated! ALMOST gives me faith in humanity.  Almost.

I actually gave a bit of thought to checking out the Elks Club and maybe joining.  But...I am rethinking that.  Those types of clubs have a lot of drinking involved and I don't want to be getting into all of that sort of crowd.  I am not saying they are bad people and I am better.  It is just that I am trying to live my life in a more spiritual, deliberate manner and entwining myself with groups that do a lot of drinking and do not have a spiritual leaning is not the right thing for me.

I can sit and look back on my life and how I had lived it and the things that I did wrong.  I cannot be angry about things that have happened that have changed my life in a way that I had not wanted because if you commit sin, and ask forgiveness, God will forgive you but that does not mean that there are not worldly consequences.

I know...it is easy to look at others and all of the crooked, sinful things they are doing and seem to have it easy and have lots of things and money BUT...the deal there is...they are not asking for forgiveness and have no plan to quit doing what they are doing. Therefore, they may NOT have any worldly consequences but there are consequences once they pass from this world and those consequences are forever and beyond.

I know God has forgiven me for my sins...I asked Him to...but the problem is I have not quite forgiven myself.  I do realize though that I see things in a different way and those sins of the past are that...past.  It is not something I feel I would be tempted to repeat. I can, however, give some advice on the matter to my children and hope that they will listen and learn from MY mistakes.

I have noticed something about me...after all of the things...life with the ex, the divorce, lost friendships...it has made me much more serious.  My sense of humor is less and less. 

Energizer Bunny, where are you?

I should have had the flooring down in the other bedroom by now.  It is almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I have barely moved.  I mean...other than a shower, cooking and downing 2 burritos, and playing a little with my dog.  It is so humid it is like breathing water.  And because of that, Lucy was only too happy to come in from the sunroom so I could shut the door and turn on the AC a little.  It's not that it is so very hot, the humidity just makes it hard to breathe.  I always let the AC run for a little bit to get some cool air circulating then I turn on  the fan.   It pretty much takes care of it all.

I will eventually get myself in that bedroom and start laying the flooring.  And I will kill myself to do it all before I pass out tonight.  Only because my son will be here Sunday afternoon and I have other things I need to accomplish before he gets here.

The neighbors next door had a party for some reason last night.  A middle of the week party.  It wasn't terribly large because the cars all fit in their driveway except 2...which parked on this side road but they parked way down past my driveway...not next to my porch.  They started about 6 so it was over by dark.  Lynn came across the back yard and in through my deck sliding glass door.  She said, "I am sure they see me come to your house and now BJ (the neighbor's airhead wife) will be miffed by it. I don't care. "  I mean...after all...they want everyone to think they are wonderful and I am the newcomer to the neighborhood...and the 'enemy' of sorts.  Neighborhood drama...ugh.

Lynn explained to me about the neighborhood politics and who lived where.  I also discovered that the guy that was principal of the school at which I did my student teaching also lives just down the road from me.   To tell you the truth I would not recognize him because I barely remember what he looks like.  Lynn is also friends with one of the teachers I student taught with.

Sometimes I like being back in a smaller world and sometimes....not so much.

I like meeting new people sometimes.  I like having friends to do things with once in a while.  I just don't like people bothering me all of the time.  I am not sure which Lynn will be.  Frankly, I am pretty sure she won't bother me a lot. She DID say that she wants to take me with her to the Elks Club down the road for dinner and drinks and so that I can meet other people in the area.  This is the second time someone wanted to take me to the Elks Club.  I am not really sure what the significance of that whole place is.  I am not good with CLUBS.  I am not big on organized things like that.  Too many rules and weird regulations make me itch.

But once she mentioned she was a member of the Elks club, I got a little excited because I thought maybe I would find out what happened to my HS friend, Nancy. I described to Lynn where Nancy had lived...just 4 doors down the road from me, right before the Elks Club.  Lynn said, "Oh, did she have an alterations business?" yes.  She said some of the women dropped things off for Nancy to do but she had not really come to the club much.  Her husband was a member and they had not been married very long when she just died suddenly.  There evidently was never an explanation.  Considering there was not ever an explanation other than she died suddenly...it gives me the sinking feeling that she had attempted suicide again, and this time she did not fail.  I would rather not jump to conclusions but Nancy had battled depression for years.  She had attempted it once and her first husband foiled her attempt.

Me knowing how she died, exactly, will not change the fact that she is dead.  I certainly did not elaborate to Lynn anything about Nancy's past or anything else about her.  It would serve no purpose.

I did learn about Lynn's first husband and his descent into severe OCD mental illness and his refusal for help. So, she had divorced him.  Then she told me about the second husband that she met after moving to the neighborhood and the other 2 women in the neighborhood that 'attacked' her once Carmen (the sought after widower) started dating her.  yep...drama.  I guess this stuff is good to know in order to help navigate the terrain around here but if it had been a show on Netflix I would have passed it up by now.

I drank a half bottle of wine last night.  I couldn't seem to stop because it has been quite a while since I had any and it really tasted good.  Lynn drank the other half of course and she meandered back home.  I am pretty sure that half of bottle of wine is the reason I have no ambition today.  It is the reason I have not had wine in quite a while.

Today I just want to read and chill.  Maybe I won't get that floor done tonight.  We'll see.

I was thinking this morning about how much more confident I feel about being me...on the inside.  I am not so confident about my outer self but I can't seem to muster enough 'oomph' to do much about it.  I can get myself to do everything but WORK to slim down. I was not impressed by my house guest, Vicky, and her eating habits because of that sleeve she had put on her stomach.  I know it is great for some people but I really don't want to have to do that.  However, on the other hand, I am not wanting to do much of anything anyway.

One thing I am going to do it get off of here and read my book...

Deeper Roots

I am finding that the more changes I make to the house, the more excited I get about it and the more I am settling in.  These changes are mine.  I decided, I put in them into action.  I hope I don't get so very used to making all decisions and getting things put into action that I could not tolerate having someone else in my life if he would happen to come along.  HOWEVER, I am not going to focus on that because there isn't even anyone on the horizon.

Poor Susan is going through a difficult spot this week.  It is her late husband's bday on Thursday.  I wish I could do something for her but it is a family affair and the best I can do is send prayers.

Debbie is frustrated because she has to do her yearly nurse PDs online and she said, "I can't do video games! This stuff is timed and I can't find the right buttons...!!!" She has done the one 'game' 3 times and never saves the patient life before it times out.  "I don't understand these buttons!  I know what to do but I don't know what button it is or where to move the mouse!!!" I said, "what hospital do you work at again, cuz I won't go there."  Ha ha!   She is still working on painting and putting in flooring in her mom's house.  She said at the rate things are going she will not move in until December.  She has help from her brothers on the flooring and other minor repairs.  She says the house needs a new porch.  Hope they are good with that stuff.  She calls me and talks to me a lot when she is on her way home from work.  She works 12 hours shifts and she says it keeps her awake. yikes.

AND...as if no one could see this coming...TJ has pumped the brakes AGAIN on the separation from  Brit.  Her aunt took her aside and had a long talk with her, prayed with both of them and then they had a long talk. She wants them to start attending church again (which TJ has been doing...Brit quit) and attend counseling.  Brit had refused to do counseling before but she said she knows they need it and will do it.  I told TJ that I just want him to have a decent life and he will need to figure this all out.  I would LOVE to see this marriage turn around but I am not holding my breath on her changing her ways.  I DO pray for them.  I also told him that IF she doesn't do any of that, then he really needs to make up his mind about it...but it's his life.

I am having a new front door put in.  The guy that is doing it wanted to do it last night. I had my misgivings.  He said, "It's easy peasy!"  but he is working on it now. He started at 10 and it is after 4.  He is putting in the last of the trim to fit it tight. This was big job that I did not want my dad to do.

While TJ is here I am going to put in the ceiling fan in my office area and the new bathroom vent fan in the main bathroom because I have to go over head and put in the vent.  It was never vented.  I don't do electrical work if I am by myself.

My backyard neighbor Lynn came over and asked to come by later with a bottle of wine and some munchies.  We are going to sit in the sunroom, or, if it isn't raining, sit on the side porch. The back deck is too hot in the afternoon.  That is why I will be happy to get my privacy screen up.  It will give it a bit of shade.

Which reminds me...tomorrow I am getting a glider rocker with matching footrest from Dawn to put in my livingroom.  It is a light rusty colored fabric and will go well with the color scheme.  My brother is stopping to get the storm door I took off on the front to use for the door to his mancave.  We share each other's stuff.  He bought a part of a cow from a friend and gave me a few steaks and some hamburger.

I will also stop at Home Depot and get the paint for my front door and a garden auger drill attachment to put the holes in the ground for my privacy screen supports.  I will then put the flooring down in the guest bedroom. Friday and Saturday I will work on 3 things...painting my porch floor, painting my front door and putting up the privacy screen.  I can multi-task.  I also need to do another quick vacuum.  I can do it!  Ha ha!

welllll....I best get off of here. The door is in, the guy got his check and I swept up his mess.  I have my wine glasses out, the wine opener ready....

Uncoupling

TJ is finally doing it.  He is packing up all of his clothes and his computer and xbox and coming up here next Friday.  He has a job with McGraw-Hill, training teachers and school districts in how to use their online curriculum.  He does it from home so as long as he has a working computer and internet, he is working.  He and Brit are separating and will file for dissolution after a month of separation.  He says it has been nothing but arguing and stress for over a year, nothing gets better, she does what she wants, they aren't in love and he is just done. 

I know it will be hard.  I warned him about all of the thoughts and emotions he will have and to be prepared.  I also told him how to help himself get through it.  I know this next year especially will be tough for him but I will be here to listen. 

He doesn't even seem to mind settling in this area anymore.  He can go back to Eagleville church where he is familiar with some of the people...there are a lot of newer ones  and people his age.  He can also get involved in many things there.  It will help him make it through.

I had a visitor.  It was a HS classmate that lives in Florida.  She came and spent the night. Spent a whole afternoon, that night, left the next morning.  I dreaded it but was also cautiously optimistic that the dread was going to be unfounded.  I was wrong.  I was never so glad to see someone leave in my life.  I am not going to go into the details. All I am going to say is she was a major pain in the arse.

I finally got my bedroom painted and the new flooring down.  I think it turned out real nice.  I am going to attempt to put this flooring in the other bedroom before TJ gets here.

I am getting the new front door put up next week.  It won't cost a lot because there is a group that gets grant money and they call themselves "Beautify A----- County" and the guy that heads it is part of a plant exchange group I joined.  I asked him if he knew a guy I could hire to put the door in for me and he said that IF I would let them take before and after pictures, they would do it and charge very little.  So...tada! 

The Japanese Beetles are consuming my pretty coral colored climbing rose bushes.  I guess I will have to get out the sevin dust in the shed and cover them.  *sigh*  My tomato plants are getting tomatoes.  My new knock out rose bush that I planted in the front is dying but the hydrangea bush I put in by my side porch is growing really well.

My social life is not great but it is difficult to do anything with this corona virus/social distancing stuff going on.  The upside to that is we are not having the beginning of the year whole school 2 day F2F conference like we always do.  YAY!!! I hate that.  BUT, instead, we will have virtual 4 hour meetings for 3 mornings in a row. I could take my laptop into the bathroom with me and no one will know cuz I am not the one on camera and my mic is not on.  Ha ha!

I have stocked up on paper supplies and all things soap.  I also have lots of meat stocked up.  I have instant potatoes.  I just don't have a lot of frozen vegetables.  I hate shopping.  I told TJ that he will need to buy his own food.  He says he will do some of the cooking.  He said,"I know you like to cook..." (me)"nope...no I do not."  (TJ): "oh...ha!  Well, I was going to say I could do some of the cooking." (me) "cook away!  Cook ALL YOU WANT.  Since living on my own I have found that I would rather not.  I have lost my interest in it."

I am not taking advantage...he will need a purpose. Since I have a guy mowing my lawn for $25 per mow, TJ won't have to help me with that.  However, he said that he could help, at some point, finish off the one section of the basement that would be a perfect spot for another bedroom. He said he could move down there when Bethany and Jordan are ready to move in.  There IS a bathroom in the basement so someone can live down there.  The thing is, TJ will eventually be moving 2 cats here and Bethany and Jordan have 2 cats....so...4 adults, 4 cats and a dog.  In this house. 

It took me a while to get used to my empty nest but now I like it. This is going to be a real adventure.  I put a chair in my room (which needs a bit of  tweak in the furniture arrangement still) and I told them, I will put a TV in there and if I retreat into my room not to take it personal but I just need to have alone/quiet time and if they knock on my door, it had better be important.  😂

I guess that's all I've got.  2 More weeks of vacay.  TJ will take up the last week of vacay.  So, enjoy this next week while I can. 

Heat It Up

I'm melting, I'm melting!

I am in a battle with the Japanese Beetles over my gorgeous climbing rose bushes.  I have been spraying them with an essential oil spray.  It has not deterred all of them.  I really hate to break out the sevin dust.

I am not finishing any new outside projects because of the heat and the rebar is not going to work to hold my screen because it was too tall and thin. I could not get it deep enough into the ground.  So...I have to come up with something different.  It will have to wait until the heat wave ends.  

Oh...did not get that teaching job.  I feel like God is telling me to be still.  Things have settled down around my house.  I don't know how I will afford a car replacement but God will provide.

TJ got a job with McGraw-Hill in there online programs training department for schools.  It is a 4 month contract position for now but they said they could have some fulltime positions after. I am praying this works out for him!

I am working on my bedroom...paint, floors. It is going slowly cuz I was feeling pretty awful for a few days last week AND I am trying to enjoy some of my vacation time.  

Nothing else really going on.  

Projecting

I finished my walk way.  I am going to maybe reconfigure the fancy end pavers because I am not satisfied with them...maybe add another...and a few of the other pavers still need a little leveling.  It also needs more dirt between the pavers.  I was waiting for the rain storm that we had last night for everything to settle.

Today I start work on a couple of things at once.  I have to put plastic down on my garage floor so that I can spray paint the rebar that will support my privacy screen for my back deck and to seal my concrete bird bath.  I will also be filling in the nail holes and screw holes in my bedroom wall (almost 20), sand that down and paint over it.  Thankfully the paint for the walls was in the basement.  AND THEN, I will begin putting the flooring planks down.  That will begin on Monday and may take me a few days. 

I also have the front railing to paint.  Not sure I will do that today.  I may do that next week then my dad is going to help me put that on.  The only other things I want to accomplish is to put in the fan in my office area and the new vent/fan in the main bathroom.

Sounds like a lot but I can get it done in short order.  My son informed me that, at this point, he is planning on visiting July 11-14th and I have a friend planning on spending the night on July 15th.  So...I have my target date to have it all done...July 10th.  I work well with a target date.

My friend Debbie is doing some interior redecorating...painting, flooring...to her mom's house because she is going to purchase it and move in next month.  Her mom is elderly and having health issues. Debbie is a nurse.  Debbie's 4 siblings encouraged her to do it and that way she can sell it later, if she wants, and make some money from it.  They are married. She is divorced and this is what happens.  I may end up selling my house and moving in with which ever one of my parents is left after one of them dies...just so the one that is left does not have to go to a nursing home.  It will help me out also because by the time it is all said and done, I will end up with enough money to buy a house for myself outright...no mortgage.  By then, my older sister may be ready to sell her house and we can find something that is mutually acceptable to both of us.

No...I obviously am not planning on remarrying.  I don't care.

I bought some lavender plants.  They were in my garage for a week.  I finally put them in large planters on my deck and 2 days later they were dead.  Ugh.  I messaged the herb farm I bought them from and let them know what happened and asked if they had any more that I could buy and try again. They told me to dig them up, bring them in and they will replace them for free.  I was not looking for that but if that is what they want to do...then, why not? 

I had my second interview with the other online school.  It was tough.  I think it went well BUT I am not sure if they will offer me the job or if I want it. I can say that I would want more money but this is for an 11th grade position working with the algebra II teacher.  My algebra II skills are rusty but I have confidence I could get up to speed fairly quickly with that but then I am thinking about learning a new system and getting used to a new grade level and it makes me tired just thinking of it.  Usually I am all for a new challenge but I am losing my enthusiasm for it.  I just don't feel like they will be offering me this position at this time.  They will probably find someone else that is a better fit.  That is my gut feeling.  However, IF they do offer me that job, I will most likely take it.  Who knows?  I may really end up liking it.  I have 8 more years before I am thinking I am going to consider retiring.  Debbie says we won't be here anymore by then and she may be right.  I am not going to worry about it.

Well, things are not going to get done by themselves.  Off I go!

Walk Away

I am putting in a new walk way to my porch from the driveway.  I had it almost all dug up but had to quit because it got hot and the ground became hard as rock.  BUT it has rained for 2 days now....off and on...and the ground is ready to be dug up again and tomorrow is going to be cool. SO...I am going to finish it tomorrow. 

I went with my older sister to Ollie's yesterday and bought my flooring for my bedroom floor.  It is a flexible, self sticking vinyl plank.  I will be starting on it Friday, or Saturday.  I still have to finish filling in the screw holes in the walls and painting.  I will be glad to have it completed.  Getting the walkway done and the bedroom done will be two big things off my list of things to do.  The next thing is the railing up for my front steps.  I also need to repaint my porch which will be a one day job since I am going to put primer on it first, this time.  AND I need to put up my privacy screen by my back deck.   That should not take long.  Maybe a couple hours, max. 

Lynn, the newly widowed neighbor behind me, has made friends with Lucy, my dog.  She has a guy that mows and trims her lawn for $25 each time which is about once per week, or as needed.  He said he would mow my lawn for the same price, even though my yard is almost twice the size of hers.  I told him I if he can start that for me the beginning of August and until it no longer needs it in the fall, I would hire him.  It would be great to not have to worry about getting out and getting the lawn mowed while school is in session. 

I looked at another house.  It was 'yuck'.  My house is pretty nice! 

This Friday I have a second interview for a better paying online teaching job.  It is the job that I almost was hired for last year but they didn't have enough enrollment.  Now they do and I am going through the whole process again.  Last summer I had to drive to Columbus (3 hours away) for the 2nd F2F interview.   This year it is being done virtually using Google Hangouts.  I am cautiously optimistic.  Just because they wanted to hire me last year does not mean they want to hire me this year.   It would be great to know one way or the other before I have to sign my contract with my present employer.  I sure could use the extra money. 

I do not know what God has planned for me.  If it is not this job, I trust that He will provide something else. 

The gardens around my house have really blossomed this year.  So many pretty flowers!  And my tomato and pepper plants are growing really nice, too.  I am happy with the results of my labor last summer and this year, so far.  My mother says that I won't want to sell and move.  I do like my house...just not where it sits.  If God's plan is for me to move, I will.  So far, I have not found anything to give me a reason to move.

I have a friend from high school, who lives in Florida right now, coming to stay with me for a bit in mid-July so I have to work to have things completed by then.  It would be good to be done with making changes by then anyway so that I will have a little vacation left with no projects.  Just books to read.  And the ability to enjoy my deck. 

Lucy has had to make a visit to the vet.  She had a cyst on the back of one of her hind legs that burst.  I had a mess to clean up and get her to the vet.  The vet finished cleaning it out and shot her with anti-biotics and steroids.  If I had known about the reaction to the steroids I would not have allowed that shot.  She was miserable...drinking gallons of water, peeing profusely, eating constantly, and then..the worst part in my opinion...the night time heavy, labored breathing.  I had to google about the steroid shots given to dogs and the effects to find out that all of these things she was doing was side affects for the steroid shot. The vet assistant called me to find out how she was doing and I asked her how long this was supposed to go on.  She said it would last about 5 days.  I told her that the ONLY way I knew about these side affects was that I had to google it because no one had given me any indication of what to expect PLUS if I had been given that information ahead of time, I would have not allowed the steroid shot.  I actually said it very pleasantly and she apologized for their lack of follow through. 

I should say so.  Do.your.job.  That's all I ask.  Lucy did something outside today that cut it open again and I had to douse it with peroxide, clean it and cover it with anti-biotic cream to help it heal.  She was being her usually full of it self this morning.  Once she opened it up again, she has just been laying around today.  Not moving much.  I am sure it is sore again.  poor baby.

Sporadic Rain

The house was a 'no'.  I am going to just go forward with my original plan and stay put for a while. 

Today has on and off black clouds and sun shine. There are sporadic down pours.  It is making my head hurt.

Last official day of school.  I am completing student notes.  Next week I will work on Progress Reports.  The teachers technically have 2 more weeks to work.  It will not take me that long however, I may just work on progress reports a few each morning and then do either outside or inside work each day.  I am working out my work schedule.  I have to stick to it if I am going to complete everything.

I also need to stick to an exercise plan.  I don't want to weigh 500 lbs and my muscles are noodles.

I heard from my son.  Same old list of complaints.  I am exercising some tough love.  I told him that I was not going to be his sounding board because I could not take listening to it.  He complains that she does not respect him and treats him like an annoyance.  I told him that he obviously does not respect himself because he lets her do it over and over.  If she even thinks he MIGHT leave her, she will say something that she knows he wants to hear and he gives in...but nothing changes.  I told him to quit wasting his life, pack his things and leave.  He has a place to go. But if he stays, he is obviously okay with everything so don't complain to me.  I may have to repeat a few times that I don't want to hear it anymore because he does nothing to help himself.  I sometimes wonder about his wiring.

Well, this is short and sweet.  I am off to finish up something I am working on then, I will clean up the kitchen and plot out my weekend.

Move or Sit Still

6 hours outside on Saturday pulling and digging and planting. It got hot and I ran out of power.  I left the west side of the house until Monday.  

Yesterday I went to my parents' where they had a cookout of sorts.  We had sat indoors to eat because it got too hot outside and it was just the 4 of us.  mom, dad, Dawn, me.  It was nice just relaxing around the house with them.  

Dawn showed me a house for sale on the other side of town.  I got really interested in it.  I picked up my phone and texted the realtor about it and that I would like to see it.  I get upset because they drag their feet.  By today, she was still dragging so I contacted the realtor selling the house.  I went to school with her.  She said she would call me tomorrow and I can ask questions and she will set up a viewing for me.  In the meantime, I looked up the names of the people that live next door and asked my brother (he knows everyone) and Nick (he knows everyone).  They both vouched for the neighbor...that he and his wife are decent people and are hardly ever home.  They are in their 50's and no kids.  The house is a 2 bedroom, has a Florida room and a utility room that can be used as an office, decent sized kitchen, full water proofed basement with a bathroom in it.  BUT this is just the description and pictures from the realtor listing.  It could be totally different once I look at it.  At least it only has the one neighbor and sits on a quiet street.  All of that stuff alone would make me want to buy it and move.

My son reached out to me tonight and asked to have a phone conversation tomorrow.  He says that he and the wife have been arguing for days.  Not sure what he is thinking or if he just wants to unload it all on me.  

I did not get to any yard work today because the neighbors set up picnic tables in their driveway and were getting ready for a gathering.  I just decided not to mess with it and Lucy and I went to my parents' again.  The neighbors have not bothered me for about a year now so I am not screwing with it.  It would be kinda nice to move away from the noisy road and not have to hear the hoards of motorcycles.  Lucy may like a quieter place also.

Last week of actual school with some classes.  Next week I finish up the things I have to do.  Then...freedom!

Dealing with the Dirt

Today will be spent digging in the dirt. SO MANY WEEDS!  And I have 4 plants and 7 bushes to put in.  It is good to get them in now as it is going to be raining for the next 5 days.  Next weekend will be paver walkway time and 'fix the new garden I started time.  During the week I will put plastic on the garage floor and do some spray painting...the bird bath, the rebar to support my privacy screen.  I also have the railing to paint but I can put that off for another week. 

This next week will be my last week of school.  Not my last week of work, just my last week of school.  The following week I will work on the student progress reports.  I can finish those in about 2 days.  I hate doing them.  I start with the longest ones first, then do the shortest ones then leave the medium length until last.  I have 3 or 4 students that have EVERYTHING on their IEPs.  I have 6 students that barely came to any Intervention classes this 2nd semester.  In hind sight, the padlet that I started as a resource for them to use...I listed the links to extra help lessons for their gen ed work, step sheets, study guides....that was supposed to be as much help to the parents as it was the students, and save me some time, it may have caused them to quit coming to Interventions.  They simply did not understand that the Intervention classes were not the same thing as the gen ed assignment help.  No matter the amount of emails that I sent to the students and parents.  So I had to go by work samples if they were doing better or not.    Next year...I am making my plans for next year....

The interview went as I feared....they don't have a SOLID job opening.  They have some tentative job openings but they are waiting on enrollment numbers.  If those numbers go up before the 1st of August and she wants to make me a job offer then it will be considered.  If I don't hear anything out of them then I know I am meant to stay at OHVA for whatever reason.  If the latter is the outcome, I am trusting that God has something in the works to help me with my income situation.  I will need more in order to afford a car replacement. 

I am also trusting His guidance on my housing situation.  This place is nice but the summer traffic gets on my nerves.  He knows me and will work it out as it should be.    I just have to relax and go with it. 

I have barely heard anything out of my son all week. This means that he and the wife are getting along okay and that he is also feeling a little guilty about complaining about her to me so much.  He did text me that he is getting a bonus from the job he is on right now and if he adds that to the money he has been saving, he will be 3/5 of the way to the down payment he is saving for a house.  All I said was, Just make sure your relationship is solid before you do that.  He replied, Definitely.  And that is all the unsolicited advice I am giving on that.  In order to lure him back home, his wife had told him that if he came back she would give him the credit and debit cards except the debit card for her personal bank account.  He felt that was a good start and, frankly, I was stunned that she would relinquish them.  That is why I said to him that if he was going back, he needed to leave that day.  I knew he would at some point and it was not only because I was concerned with him driving in the rain but I wanted my quiet routine back.  I didn't want to listen to the roller coaster that is his relationship.  I had lived through my own for 25 years and I just didn't want to deal.  He will have to decide if he wants the ride to stop so he can get off or just continue for many years to come.  I feel as much to blame that he is on this because he is just living the life he grew up with.  I have tried to convince him that there is a different kind of life out there but it is up to him to decide if he believes me or not.

I don't hear a lot out of Bethany.  She stays fairly quiet. She and Jordan support each other, as far as I know.  I don't like to poke at her too much because she feels attacked and gets defensive.  I could ask her the simplest question such as, "Are you and Jordan doing okay with your jobs and the stress?"  and she would get defensive as if I had said something negative.  Yet, I sometimes worry that if I DON'T ask questions and show an interest that she will feel as if she is abandoned by me. 

Well...time to get ready to go dig in the dirt.  I am looking forward to the end result.  However, if I am truly going to 'end' this today, it will be a very long day.

Pete and RePete

 My son came and spent a week with me.  He arrived May 16.  He had a work from home job so he worked from the desk in the 2nd bedroom.  We had dinner together each night. We visited my parents a few times.  He spent time arguing with his wife on the phone.  We watched some movies.  He complained about the things his wife does and says to him.  He contemplated not going back.  He contemplated divorce.  Then when the next Saturday rolled around, I told him that if he was going back he needed to leave that day because the next day it was going to rain and he freaks out driving in the rain.  So, he packed and left. 

Pete and RePete.

I have 6 more student days left.  I am SO over this school year.  I also have an interview with a new school tomorrow.  I interviewed with them last year and the head of the SPED department wanted to hire me but enrollment was down.  We shall see how it goes this time.  It is less work and more money.

I am not sure how I feel about anything.   I am doing some more fixes to my house.  Nothing major.  Railing on the front steps, more landscaping, paver walk to the porch, lattice privacy screen to the back deck, flooring in my bedroom, new paint on my bedroom walls.  The landscaping makes me happy.

I  am thankful that things are moving along somewhat normal for myself.  However, I miss my friends and doing things.  That sounds juvenile but it is lonely.

 

Stop to Admire the Dandelions

I have seen a lot of posts about not killing the dandelions in your yard because that is what the bees use for food in the spring before everything opens up.  You know....my yard should be Bee Heaven right now.  And I do not care.  My mom is so proud that they have fought the battle of the dandelions and win every year.  They have a beautiful yard and home.  People know who they are because of it and remark to them about it when they are out and about.  I will not be known for that although I have had many older women in the neighborhood stop and remark to me how nice my flower gardens look. Personally I think they probably look really nice to them because they remember what it all looked like before I bought the place.  It is just a comparison.

And there I go again not giving myself credit.

There is this father and son that go past my house on bikes every Saturday morning.  The father looked quite awkward on the bike the first few times but he is now looking more confident. The son has a smile on his face.  I am deducing that dad always had other things to do before but now he has free time and is doing more things with his son.  Son obviously is quite happy about it.

I do not begrudge the Stay at Home orders and shutowns for things like allowing nature to get cleaned up and thrive and for families to thrive.  I do, however, mourn the negative impact it has had on businesses and personal economy.  I think there are lawn care businesses that are hurting because more people are beginning to take care of their own lawns because they have time and it is something to do and/or they can't afford to pay someone else to do it right now.  Frankly, if I had the money, I would pay someone to at least mow it for me.

I gave my dad's laptop to my cousin Tommy and he fixed it for him.  I paid Tommy since this was the 3rd laptop he had worked on for me.  Hopefully there will not be others.  Dad is pleased that he will be able to use it again.

I hear the woman next door yapping at her husband. She is so loud.   I am hoping that I will be able to get my lattice privacy wall up this week before TJ gets here.   I would like to go out on the deck with him.  It will not stop the noise from next door but it will lend a bit of privacy.  I should be able to open up my blinds on that side of the sunroom.  The Lucy won't be laying there watching them and barking every time someone makes a move. 

I am washing some clothes and waiting for my outdoor work clothes to dry.  I need the oversized sweatshirt to wear because it is still cool with a damp breeze.    I am just enjoying sitting here in the sunroom right now while Lucy watches out the doors.  The summer noises have begun...cars driving by with their windows down and music turned up, a few motorcycles.  There aren't so many motorcycles yet because they use this road to go to Geneva-on-the-Lake.  It is a summer 'fun' spot with games, outdoor eating places, bars, a small amusement park, zipline, and lots of bikers.    I used to go there on summer nights with my friends when I was a teenager.  We rode go-carts, played mini-golf, ate pizza.  The amusement park sat quiet at that time and of course there was no zipline then because no one had thought of it.  They have an arcade too.  I was not into video games at that point.  I tried playing pinball a few times.  We just hung out with other teenagers.  The bikers all basically stayed at one end of the strip at that time.  Now they are all over.  More bars have opened.  The strip hosts a Biker Weekend near the end of summer and the roar off all of those gangs of bikers going past my house is enormous.  Lucy and I escape to my parents' during those days.  Not sure how that will play out this summer. 

I am hoping they still have the boat parade this summer but I don't know.  With social distancing it may not happen because there is always hoards of people that gather. 

So many things are different and hard to plan out.