Get Rid of It

It's ironic listening to Dr. James Merritt this morning.  He is preaching about getting rid of it...the bitterness, the feeling that someone owes you...

Before the sermon started, I was thinking about forgiving and that it was okay to let it go 'as long as others knew how you had been 'wronged'.  THEN I thought...why is that important? Why do you have to go around letting others know what that other person had done to us?  Aren't we trying to hand over that anger to them to carry, instead of you?   That's exactly what we are doing.  We are just handing off the burden.  

I can sit and look at what I did wrong...I can admit to it.  Others do bad things to people because they have

sinfulness within them.  You can't expect them to be a good person if there is sinfulness in their heart.  I have let sinfulness into my heart and did not treat someone with kindness or compassion.  

If Jesus could go to the cross and endure the torture he did and die for a world full of unkind and sinful people, then I should be able to let it go...whatever the wrong has been done against me.  That is for them to work out with God and if I lash out against them...I am not setting a good Christian example.  

But here is the distinction...you can forgive, let it go but that does not mean that you lay out the Welcome mat and let them back into your life.  

Learn, forgive, let it go and move on.  Don't transfer your anger to others to carry on.

Puny

     My son called me yesterday...twice.  Long diatribes.  Although I think 'diatribe' may sound a little harsh.  He came to a conclusion about his marriage...he needs to get out of it.  He also feels he needed to have never been in it.

    I gave him what I could in support yet trying to let him know that I know it is a difficult decision and will take courage to walk away.   He is not exactly sure where he is going to land.  I told him it will take him some time to figure it out.  I know his biggest concern is having a job.  So I sent him a few job openings up here...both of which pay better than what I am making.  Maybe I should apply for them myself?  *head slap*

     I called my mom in the afternoon and her voice sounded so puny...tired..defeated.  She said she WAS feeling worn out and tired of the life out there...that things are so difficult and people are mean.

     Susan has a close friend whose daughter is expecting her first child.  Susan's friend has stage 4 terminal cancer and is fighting to hang on. The hospital sent her home...where her husband is also dying from cancer. 

     My mom's pastor, Mike...whom I went to school with...he graduated the year before me...had a young son who died a long, painful death from cancer and the hospitals and doctors were so less than human because of insurance.  And HIS friend...and my cousin...Burton who had a son with encephalitis and died at the age of 12...the suffering.  Mike and Burton are both staunch Christians. Through everything they never gave up.

   My son does a lot of work with his church.  He reads his bible...he believes.  And his life has fallen apart. 

   I can't give up my faith, either.  However, I wonder....why?  What is the point of it all?

   And that is where my mom was yesterday afternoon. 

    I look around me and realize that I am blessed.  There were very hard places at times but nothing like dealing with the suffering and death of a child.

    And I sit here...looking out the window at a scene that looks like someone took a picture and put the black and white filter on it.  But it is just that way without the filter.  Soooo many shades of gray with a rain of white dots floating from the sky.  A blanket of white covering up everything like it never existed.    But at some point, it will melt and all the bad places will reappear. 

2 Negatives Do Not Make a Positive

My mother was reading the obituary of a woman in town that had been very social and a hard worker.  I only knew of the woman.  I did not know her personally.  My mom started picking this woman's life apart and I was shocked at the negativity.  Was Mom jealous of this woman's life? I think the thing that topped it all was when she said that just because she had played guitar in her church did not make her a Christian and she was not in Heaven today.

I had to change the subject.  How did she KNOW if this woman was in Heaven or not?  God judges that.  I would not be making a pronouncement.  The whole diatribe of hers was aggravating.

Then today my oldest sister started complaining about  Christmas presents.  She was yapping about last year's gifts and how she had spent a lot on a present for Scott and Lisa but they didn't spend as much on her and David.  "They got me exactly what I asked for and nothing else." Oh.for.the.love...  "I can guarantee that they didn't spend as much on you as you did on them."

I could not stand it.  "Ok. They got you what you asked for.  And? I don't  care what anyone spends. I put a lot of inexpensive things on my list but they are things I need.  Even if they buy me one small thing on my list, it is one less thing I will have to buy myself. What I choose to spend on someone else is just that...MY choice.  I  am not sizing things up. It takes the joy out of it.  Be grateful!"

Then she proceeded to yap about something mom did for her, "because I would not do it well enough.  I am too stupid and incompetent."

"Oh relax! She did the same thing to me. She has control issues. She has always been that way.  It isn't personal."

Give me strength. 

Bah humbug.