I am my mother's daughter. I am learning some things that my mom had to learn. It's tough when you are used to being the one that takes care of everything and everyone. You hover and deal. You find your worth in making everyone else's life easier. You don't know how to quit doing that.
I have had to step back from my son's life. Things came to a head with my daughter in law. I had no idea there was a problem but I really should have seen it. She came to resent me very much. My son was constantly running to me to vent and for advice. I kept helping out with money and advice and giving them needed maintenance items for their new home. I didn't know that there was a resentment that was growing within her to the point that when I drove down to see their new place, and I had a push mower and other items in tow, she went and stayed at her mom's and a huge fight happened between her and my son. I was shocked and very hurt. I felt as if I was getting kicked in the butt for all of my efforts over the years. It still stings but I have to remind myself that it is not MY life.
I left and came home. She came back home. I told my son that I was stepping back and letting them do what they needed to do to work things out. He, at first, was upset...thinking that I was shunning him. I explained that she resented me and if they were going to work it out, I needed to not be involved. I was always out here but I just would not be lending assistance to them or advice. They needed to live their own lives and figure it out. He said he understood and that he needed to quit venting about her to others and just talk more to her. I have barely heard anything out of him in 3 weeks. He has called is sister once. I just pray for him and have to have faith that they are working it out.
Work has been work. I have been finding new ways of doing things. I have also been resenting the co-workers that EXPECT me to do things for them when they are perfectly capable of doing things themselves.
I am working on 2 college classes as once. They both end at the same time...right before winter break. I was so looking forward to winter break but then I got a jury summons in the mail. It begins on my winter break time. I may not be chosen anyway because I have to return a questionnaire. I have to do that today.
So, my weekend is a mixture of household duties, college work and school work.
The church is closed down because a large part of the attendees have been getting sick. For some of them it was a positive test for COVID, for others it is just another type of flu or cold. My brother tested positive for COVID but his wife tested negative. He had an automatic 10 days off from work. He has not been sick at all and he said he has gotten some much needed home maintenance done. We pretty much feel he got a false positive and he's fine with it. None of us that were around him have gotten sick either.
Bethany is still working her job and God has given her good health. Jordan is now delivering packages for FedEx instead of just loading trucks. He is making more money doing delivery. He says he is making connections that will help his mushroom business. He may decide to stay where they are. I would rather move back down that way but I have no friends down there. I have a few aquaintences but no friends. I liked the area better. I will be looking to sell here this spring and move closer to the PA border where my family is. If Bethany and Jordan go through with their plans this spring, too, they will be moving just on the other side of the PA border. It is a better area for them. My friends Susan's other son and DIL moved just the other side of the PA border, too, this summer.
I have not had any contact with Susan since school started...other than text and a few phone calls. Her mother fell and broke her arm and things were rather touch and go for them. But, with some help from her older sister, Susan was able to maintain and her mom is now doing a lot better.
Debbie had to be tested for COVID because of sick workers but she came out negative also. She and her daughter managed to put up a wire mesh fenced area around the back of their house for her mom's 2 dogs. She has found having a house keeps her busy on her days off from nursing. It is a good thing.
Through everything, I have noticed that my sense of humor has dwindled to not much. I have been figuring out new things about myself and have discovered that I am only a shell of who I thought I was. I was going along being me and thinking I was okay when I keep finding out more and more that I was causing problems with people and I have found it all confusing. Confusing or not, I have had to step back away from more and more people. Me living my life has caused so much resentment and upset for so many people. It hurts when you realize that you just being you upsets others so much that you just have to lose them. I figure at some point I will just be alone.
Okay...time to get my day started.
