I found out today that TJ has weened himself off of his anxiety meds. He said he quit 3 weeks ago and has already gone through withdrawal, that's why he was feeling so sick for a bit. He KNOWS this is dangerous to quit them cold turkey but I also assume that he was not taking them on a daily basis before he just quit taking them altogether.
He said, "I feel just fine! I was only taking them to help me get rid of my tics but it wasn't doing anything for that so...why bother? I'm doing good!"
I find it rather extraordinary that he quit taking his meds about the same time he started a new job. I'm glad he didn't tell me. He knows I would have been 'helicopter mom' and hovered, wringing my hands and watching his every move.
I told him that I had come to the conclusion, anyway, after some more research, that he had possibly been misdiagnosed. I told him I thought his problem was more that he has a very high functioning aspergers. He just kind of looked at me like I'm nuts. I told him it is just a theory...after all, he was always more comfortable with the adults, had problems relating to ones his own age, the anxiety and panic attacks are something that can come with aspergers, along with the tics, and his proclivaty to becoming zeroed in on/attached to certain things and the way he has of being able to remember details of things that the majority of the population doesn't hardly notice. He just stood there thinking about that and he finally shrugged and said, "Whatever...I just wish there was a pill I could take to get rid of these tics." His tics consist of mimicing the facial expressions of people he's watching on TV/in movies, etc. Not those of actual ppl in front of him. AND he tends to make a little flapping noise with his lips when he's not paying attention to himself. Could be worse.
He had a new girlfriend. He was so proud of the fact that she is still a virgin, a Christian, goes to college and is not adorned by tatoos or facial piercings. He brought her home to dinner one night last week. He went to her church this last Sunday morning to meet her family and other friends. Then, Monday night he announced to me that he broke it off with her. I was surprised. "Why?"
"She's just another crazy chick. I got so I was afraid to look at my text messages. Every day it was something else she wanted to pick a fight about. I got sick of the constant insecurities and the arguing. I just finally told her to go away and take her crazy with her."
I just told him that I am proud of the fact that he has finally learned to get rid of the drama in his life that he really doesn't need to hang on to. And perhaps this is why he really doesn't need his meds anymore.
He is feeling more confident with his life...although he still has a long way to go with his schooling...but he is feeling good about his job. I am glad he found a niche that he fits in for now. So far, he is the ONLY ONE that hasn't been written up for work infractions. He laughs becuz he says that they thought they all had him figured out as to who he is at work but are constantly surprised.
For instance, he said that he swore at work the other day and they all gasped. It wasn't the swearing...it was the fact that HE swore. I laughed and told him that I thought maybe they thought he was a stoner cuz he seems so low keyed and talks rather monotone, doesn't move very fast, and there is no level of excitement about him. He said, 'Um...no...they think I am some kind of choir boy...mostly becuz Dad told the manager before she hired me that I am a clean cut, church attending, dependable guy.'
Well...he is clean cut looking, even when he chooses to sport a 3 day growth on his face, and he does attend church but that doesn't mean he is a bible thumping choir boy. He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, has no tatoos, no piercings...just wants life to be real without the drama...or the crazy.
Boy...do I get that!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
What Next?
I try not to question my faith. I know I have made mistakes and had to ask forgiveness and become the Christian I am supposed to be. I get anxious and then realize I should pray and let God take care of it. I should not question why things happen becuz I figure God knows what He is doing and this is where the faith part comes in.
Today, though, I am having a really bad time comprehending.
Way back when I was in 3rd grade in school I made up my mind I wanted to be a teacher. I never changed my mind about it. As I went through school I made mental notes on what to do and not do once I became a teacher. I graduated and my parents spent a lot of money on making sure I got my college education. I spent a lot of time and energy on it. I worked part-time jobs, also, to help finance it. I took tests, I took grad. classes in the latest education 'trends' and got good grades; I got my license.
I recently interviewed with an eLearning school for a teaching position. I realize I have been out of the classroom for 9 years but not out of the education loop, so to speak. I have been a home school monitor with my teenagers for most of that time. I have been on the opposite side of the eLearning classroom. I have taken classes in how to use and incorporate various internet and computer applications with students. AND when I was a classroom educator, I was very dedicated to making sure each and every one of my students were able to achieve their best.
Today I get the "thanks but no thanks' email. Again.
I have hit my head against this brick wall so many times I am surprised I'm not in a major coma.
I guess I can thank God that he has allowed my husband to succeed in his endeavors...even with a stint with crack abuse, pot smoking, etc. Bitter? no.
I just don't understand!!! I tried to step out and maybe do something else but that got me nowhere but stuck with $6000 in student loans to pay. Just where am I supposed to go and what am I supposed to do?
I need some answers. I need some direction. And today is just not a good day to talk to me becuz I'm busy with a pity party.
Today, though, I am having a really bad time comprehending.
Way back when I was in 3rd grade in school I made up my mind I wanted to be a teacher. I never changed my mind about it. As I went through school I made mental notes on what to do and not do once I became a teacher. I graduated and my parents spent a lot of money on making sure I got my college education. I spent a lot of time and energy on it. I worked part-time jobs, also, to help finance it. I took tests, I took grad. classes in the latest education 'trends' and got good grades; I got my license.
I recently interviewed with an eLearning school for a teaching position. I realize I have been out of the classroom for 9 years but not out of the education loop, so to speak. I have been a home school monitor with my teenagers for most of that time. I have been on the opposite side of the eLearning classroom. I have taken classes in how to use and incorporate various internet and computer applications with students. AND when I was a classroom educator, I was very dedicated to making sure each and every one of my students were able to achieve their best.
Today I get the "thanks but no thanks' email. Again.
I have hit my head against this brick wall so many times I am surprised I'm not in a major coma.
I guess I can thank God that he has allowed my husband to succeed in his endeavors...even with a stint with crack abuse, pot smoking, etc. Bitter? no.
I just don't understand!!! I tried to step out and maybe do something else but that got me nowhere but stuck with $6000 in student loans to pay. Just where am I supposed to go and what am I supposed to do?
I need some answers. I need some direction. And today is just not a good day to talk to me becuz I'm busy with a pity party.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
A New Mind Game
My poor husband. Just when he thinks he has it all figured out, he does something that gives me a whole new idea of a fun party game!
It was about a year ago, or so, when he kept ranting at our son to look through his clothes because he was missing a certain shirt and he was SURE that it had gotten mixed in with our son's things. He bugged the kid for 3 days and TJ kept insisting he didn't have it. So...I got tired of the whining and looked in my husband's closet...not there...then went into his office and looked in the closet there...still didn't see it. THEN I turned around and noticed he had some storage boxes in the corner with some clothes sitting on top. I went through them and TADA! The shirt! I triumphantly carried it out to the livingroom holding it up in the air. His eyes got wide and he said, "Where did you find it?" I told him where and he just got a weird look on his face. I didn't even get a 'thank you' nor did Jr. get an apology.
Then there was the matter of the mulching attachment for the lawn mower. I had asked him about it and he said he had looked through everything in the garage and could not find it. He angrily announced that it must have gotten left behind somehow during our last move.
About the 3rd time he ranted about it I made up my mind to clean out the garage...the bikes needed some space anyway. So, while throwing things out I was sorting through a box and...TADA! There is was...the mulching attachment. I put it on top of the freezer by the door so he would see it. He never said a word. I asked him if he saw what was on the freezer. He said, 'yes. Where was it?" "In one of the boxes in the garage." I got no response.
So, for the past 3 days (3 days seems to be my breaking point) I have listened to his tirade about not being able to find a certain black belt. He said he wore it Sunday to church and then threw it on the bed and it disappeared! He said he looked over, thru and under everything in the bedroom and in his office. SO, I looked through the dirty clothes hamper then under and through everything in the bedroom and his closet. Nope. Then I went into his office and looked under and behind everything in there. I found two belts curled up on the floor in front of one of his book cases...he had told me it wasn't either one of those. Then I looked in his partially packed suitcase and found one curled up in there. THEN I looked on behind the suitcase and found one on the floor behind the suitcase. I yelled out to him (he was in the kitchen) and asked him how many belts he had. He responded with "four". I told him I was seeing 4 belts...so he came down the hall to his office. I pointed out the 2 on the floor and said, "I know it isn't either of them becuz you told me about them. There is one in the suitcase, which I'm assuming isn't The One either." Then I held up another belt and he said, "That's the one. Where did you find it?" "On the floor behind the suitcase." He looked puzzled and said, "I thought I looked there."
"Obviously not....OR...maybe I was hiding it all of this time until now...just to mess with you."
He just stood there thinking about it as I walked down the hall.
And NOW I have a new game to play. :D
Until my son's girlfriend gets used to us...that is....then I'll have someone new to play with! mwah ha ha ha!
It was about a year ago, or so, when he kept ranting at our son to look through his clothes because he was missing a certain shirt and he was SURE that it had gotten mixed in with our son's things. He bugged the kid for 3 days and TJ kept insisting he didn't have it. So...I got tired of the whining and looked in my husband's closet...not there...then went into his office and looked in the closet there...still didn't see it. THEN I turned around and noticed he had some storage boxes in the corner with some clothes sitting on top. I went through them and TADA! The shirt! I triumphantly carried it out to the livingroom holding it up in the air. His eyes got wide and he said, "Where did you find it?" I told him where and he just got a weird look on his face. I didn't even get a 'thank you' nor did Jr. get an apology.
Then there was the matter of the mulching attachment for the lawn mower. I had asked him about it and he said he had looked through everything in the garage and could not find it. He angrily announced that it must have gotten left behind somehow during our last move.
About the 3rd time he ranted about it I made up my mind to clean out the garage...the bikes needed some space anyway. So, while throwing things out I was sorting through a box and...TADA! There is was...the mulching attachment. I put it on top of the freezer by the door so he would see it. He never said a word. I asked him if he saw what was on the freezer. He said, 'yes. Where was it?" "In one of the boxes in the garage." I got no response.
So, for the past 3 days (3 days seems to be my breaking point) I have listened to his tirade about not being able to find a certain black belt. He said he wore it Sunday to church and then threw it on the bed and it disappeared! He said he looked over, thru and under everything in the bedroom and in his office. SO, I looked through the dirty clothes hamper then under and through everything in the bedroom and his closet. Nope. Then I went into his office and looked under and behind everything in there. I found two belts curled up on the floor in front of one of his book cases...he had told me it wasn't either one of those. Then I looked in his partially packed suitcase and found one curled up in there. THEN I looked on behind the suitcase and found one on the floor behind the suitcase. I yelled out to him (he was in the kitchen) and asked him how many belts he had. He responded with "four". I told him I was seeing 4 belts...so he came down the hall to his office. I pointed out the 2 on the floor and said, "I know it isn't either of them becuz you told me about them. There is one in the suitcase, which I'm assuming isn't The One either." Then I held up another belt and he said, "That's the one. Where did you find it?" "On the floor behind the suitcase." He looked puzzled and said, "I thought I looked there."
"Obviously not....OR...maybe I was hiding it all of this time until now...just to mess with you."
He just stood there thinking about it as I walked down the hall.
And NOW I have a new game to play. :D
Until my son's girlfriend gets used to us...that is....then I'll have someone new to play with! mwah ha ha ha!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Getting in the Way Another Day
We rented an SUV from National Car rental and becuz of hubby's employment perks we got the thing for a week for a whole $70 with unlimited miles. I told him that he may not be getting what he's really worth in his paycheck but there are other perks like: free hotel rooms in upscale hotels, really cheap car rentals, and sometimes some almost free getaways IF we decide to have a stay at a place where he has to check in on a client issue...then his company pays for the gas, the room and most of the food! LOL If we want to really live it up, then the tab for the extras is on us but if it is just the 2 of us, it isn't a problem.
He also gets to save his airline miles rewards to use for personal use so he's saving it up for a trip to Hawaii...and by then we will have lots of free room points so all we'll have to pay for is our food and extra fun! How's that for living life on a shoestring? LOL
We rented the SUV so we could take the doggies with us for the weekend up to the lake to see family for the 4th. His mother told us we could bring the dogs there. They were good and didn't stir up a fuss. She said we could bring them with us everytime we came to visit. Now all I have to do is buy my own SUV or mini van, again.
Family members can sometimes be an aggravation. Troy's sister is one. Her kids are another...they learned self-centeredness from the best. I really hate walking around with that lump of anger/aggravation inside of me and since I can't totally avoid them I had to sit and pray about a solution. I'm not going for sainthood...just want to be able to shrug it off and not let it get to me. So, here is something that I am going to try: zero in on the positive thing(s) about them. Then write it down in a note and tell them how much I appreciate them for (whatever). I am hoping this will help me overlook the things that bug me about them. After all, it is just the way they have always been...always. Of course, this could backfire in some way. The worst that could happen is that they don't ever speak to me again. That could also be a win. Then again, my SIL doesn't speak to me unless she wants something...even then, she will ask my husband first.
ANYWAYS...have an interview for an e-school teaching job on Tuesday. Me and a bazillion other unemployed teachers in this state. This particular e-school is hiring at least 75 more teachers for this next year. I have sent applications and resumes to other e-schools in the state in the past month. I figure the only way I am going to get into this is God is going to have to intervene becuz I have stiff competition.
We got the new roof on the house 2 days after we got back from our family visit. Now I have to get busy painting. I should have been at it already but I've hit a wall. I can usually make myself get out there and get going but since we have been back I haven't been able to get myself to do much of anything. I guess I've hit a 'depression pocket', as I like to call it. This too shall pass.
Since we haven't had the funds to take a vacation in the last few years, I decided this summer we are going to spend little bits here and there to do things close to home. One of the first things I did was get some Cleveland Indians tickets to a game that is followed by a Lifehouse concert. If you buy the game tickets, you get to stay for the show afterwards. I LOVE Lifehouse and so does my daughter. My son doesn't mind listening to them. My husband doesn't know who the heck they are but he will go and like it...after all, I had bought him some concert tickets for 'Free' and went with him and they really weren't anyone I listened to at the time. He owes me. LOL
When he decides to take a few days off from his job we are going to rent some canoes and do the whole canoe trip down the river. We have promised the kids we would do that for the last 6 years.
Life goes by too fast. You have to just make up your mind sometimes to take a breath and stop and then DO all those things you have put off doing. Whatever is getting in the way of doing them will still be there to get in the way another day.
He also gets to save his airline miles rewards to use for personal use so he's saving it up for a trip to Hawaii...and by then we will have lots of free room points so all we'll have to pay for is our food and extra fun! How's that for living life on a shoestring? LOL
We rented the SUV so we could take the doggies with us for the weekend up to the lake to see family for the 4th. His mother told us we could bring the dogs there. They were good and didn't stir up a fuss. She said we could bring them with us everytime we came to visit. Now all I have to do is buy my own SUV or mini van, again.
Family members can sometimes be an aggravation. Troy's sister is one. Her kids are another...they learned self-centeredness from the best. I really hate walking around with that lump of anger/aggravation inside of me and since I can't totally avoid them I had to sit and pray about a solution. I'm not going for sainthood...just want to be able to shrug it off and not let it get to me. So, here is something that I am going to try: zero in on the positive thing(s) about them. Then write it down in a note and tell them how much I appreciate them for (whatever). I am hoping this will help me overlook the things that bug me about them. After all, it is just the way they have always been...always. Of course, this could backfire in some way. The worst that could happen is that they don't ever speak to me again. That could also be a win. Then again, my SIL doesn't speak to me unless she wants something...even then, she will ask my husband first.
ANYWAYS...have an interview for an e-school teaching job on Tuesday. Me and a bazillion other unemployed teachers in this state. This particular e-school is hiring at least 75 more teachers for this next year. I have sent applications and resumes to other e-schools in the state in the past month. I figure the only way I am going to get into this is God is going to have to intervene becuz I have stiff competition.
We got the new roof on the house 2 days after we got back from our family visit. Now I have to get busy painting. I should have been at it already but I've hit a wall. I can usually make myself get out there and get going but since we have been back I haven't been able to get myself to do much of anything. I guess I've hit a 'depression pocket', as I like to call it. This too shall pass.
Since we haven't had the funds to take a vacation in the last few years, I decided this summer we are going to spend little bits here and there to do things close to home. One of the first things I did was get some Cleveland Indians tickets to a game that is followed by a Lifehouse concert. If you buy the game tickets, you get to stay for the show afterwards. I LOVE Lifehouse and so does my daughter. My son doesn't mind listening to them. My husband doesn't know who the heck they are but he will go and like it...after all, I had bought him some concert tickets for 'Free' and went with him and they really weren't anyone I listened to at the time. He owes me. LOL
When he decides to take a few days off from his job we are going to rent some canoes and do the whole canoe trip down the river. We have promised the kids we would do that for the last 6 years.
Life goes by too fast. You have to just make up your mind sometimes to take a breath and stop and then DO all those things you have put off doing. Whatever is getting in the way of doing them will still be there to get in the way another day.
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