I look back at this week and I wonder....how did I do that? And I am not done yet.
I have managed this week to squeeze in exercise into little slivers. My job has been crazy busy and has taken up lots of my time...past the 8-5. I start by 7 in the morning and have stayed on top of things with my One Note...phone calls, follow up with teachers, keep check ups with students that I could release, and take on new cases. I think Holly and Lisa have had quite a laugh over how they keep trying to give me new case loads to get me to my full load of 40 kids but I keep releasing other students from my list so that the most they can find my list at is 28. I actually had one grandmother that has been taking care of the schooling with her grandsons cry when I released them from having engagement support. She cried because she was thrilled to hear from me that they have come a long way, she is doing a great job with them and they finally seem to have everything on track. They seem to have been struggling for the last year but I worked with her and kept nudging them in the right direction and they finally go things on track. She thanked me over and over for having the patience to work with her. (It's my job) It made me feel good. I have had many parents thank me which makes up for the nasty ones.
Along with the regular job, had to sit in on a one-on-one with a Intervention Specialist and a student. It is part of my final class project. Kind of difficult to believe that I only have 2 more weeks of this class. Then I begin the second one and by Dec. 9 will be 1/3 of the way done with my classes. I know I am getting ahead of myself but the idea that I am almost done with the first class already is kind of amazing to me.
In the meantime, I am trying to keep up with my job and this classwork. Each week it is 2 chapters and 3 assignments.
PLUS this week, I made some decorations for my DIL to use to decorate the apartment for my son's bday. At first his dad had told her that he would help...then she didn't hear anything from him. So she texted him and he said, "sorry...thought I texted you." typical "I couldn't find anything other than costumes." She texted me about it and I got to looking. I made some suggestions and bought the stuff to MAKE the decorations. She wanted a Harry Potter theme because she had bought him a Harry Potter wand remote control (they are such nerds). So in less than 4 hours I made a Sorting Hat and a Dementor for her to hang from the light over the diningroom table. The Sorting Hat cost me about $6 worth of materials. They sell those things for $30. The Dementor was easier and way less time consuming and cost me $6.50. It was less than half the price of one already made.
I managed to take some time off yesterday and go to the Lebanon Apple Festival with my younger sister. I was 4 hours out of my life and it was just what I needed. Today I am taking a few hours to go to our town Mum Festival with my daughter before she goes to work. Then...I have homework to finish and a lawn to mow. Yay me.
Then...Monday...hopping right back into it. I have to make sure I stay on task with my job and within the time frame because I need to make sure I get my final project worked on a little every day so that I am not breaking my back over trying to get it done all at once.
I am actually looking forward to Winter this year...because I don't want to have to keep working on the lawn while doing my job and classwork. My second class in the Spring and first class of the summer will be a challenging too because of yardwork.
However...one thing at a time.
This last week on my job, 2 of families that I was trying to work with had visits. One had a visit from the Compliancy officer. Another case of the grandmother taking care of the kids and trying to take care of their schooling. He came back and told us he is suggesting they be withdrawn. He said he walked into the house, the kids were just watching TV and not doing any school work (they haven't for 2 weeks) and there was pot on the coffee table that she didn't even try to hide.
The next kid had not done ANY school work since school started. We had no way of getting in contact with the parent because his email address seemed to be wrong and his phone seemed to be disconnected. An email we finally got from the dad through the daughter's email address said something about him being mentally ill and sick in bed and the student was helping him. My boss sent a Well Child Check to the house...that means a visit by a police officer. It turns out, the student had gotten into her father's school parent account and changed his email address and deleted his phone number. However, my question is this...WHERE was the dad? He even admitted that he thought it was strange he had not heard anything from the school. And he wasn't checking the daughter's work? Because if he had he would have seen that she had done nothing. He said he and her mom needed to talk over the weekend about whether or not they needed to consider a different schooling option for her. I told him he had until first thing Monday morning.
I am just more thankful for my kids.
Craziness.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Fuss and Such
Where do I begin? I want this to be a post I write because things are going great. Some things are okay. Other things...just cause sadness/anxiety...and I really should pray more about it all. I have faith but it most times goes hand in hand with patience.
My vision problem bothers me. More and more every day. I can't afford to go to the retina specialist. I wish I could. Even at that, laser surgery bothers me. I could swallow my pride and use a 'go fund me' account but isn't that like saying I don't have faith in God? And who wants to rely on the kindness and generosity of strangers?
My son seems to have some rheumatoid arthritis in his back...at 26. I think a lot of his back pain could be alleviated with stretching and exercise but he complains he doesn't have time...and I can get that. I gave him that tenz unit I had at the house. It was really his anyway. The chiropractor that was GOOD that I took him to when he was in his teens and suffered from a mild scoliosis prescribed it and our med. insurance paid for it. I told him to use it 1 to 2 times a week and I gave him a tube of Icy Hot with Lidocain in it. I use that on occassion when my nerves in my body are on high alert...like yesterday.
Fibromyalgia. The other part of that is not just the nerve pain. It is fighting the depression that comes with it. Life should not have to be such a battle all of the time. I know there are other people that have it worse and I try to remind myself of that but knowing that I am in better physical condition that others doesn't always cut it. It just cuts the pity party short.
I realized that I should not whine over my position at this point because I am here because of choices I made. All along the way.
My younger sister is in a position with finances that keeps her awake at night too. I am afraid, from the way her husband sounds and acts, that she may end up in the same position I am in someday. Hopefully, not.
My son's car is acting up also. He has not paid of the personal loan he took out for it. I told him that I can find him a newer, better car for about the same price he paid for that one and he can take out a car loan for it and not have to pay full insurance coverage on his car AND the loan could be stretched out over 4-5 years instead which would lower his monthly payments to give him some wiggle room when he needs it. I would have to pay off what he still owes on his personal loan, of course.
He needs a different job. It is a good starter job but he is not going to make it with this job forever.
I need a better paying job...me. I need one that pays like Douchebag's does. I chose the wrong profession. However, IF I had stayed where I was instead of choosing to pick up and move and follow him from job to job, place to place and kept my teaching job, I could have been making really good money by now and ready to retire. couldashouldawoulda
Oh...the choices one makes.
At least my daughter seems okay for right now. She just turned 21. I am not sure about her future with what she has chosen to do...but I will fuss over that another day. I need to concentrate on my classwork and get it done.
My vision problem bothers me. More and more every day. I can't afford to go to the retina specialist. I wish I could. Even at that, laser surgery bothers me. I could swallow my pride and use a 'go fund me' account but isn't that like saying I don't have faith in God? And who wants to rely on the kindness and generosity of strangers?
My son seems to have some rheumatoid arthritis in his back...at 26. I think a lot of his back pain could be alleviated with stretching and exercise but he complains he doesn't have time...and I can get that. I gave him that tenz unit I had at the house. It was really his anyway. The chiropractor that was GOOD that I took him to when he was in his teens and suffered from a mild scoliosis prescribed it and our med. insurance paid for it. I told him to use it 1 to 2 times a week and I gave him a tube of Icy Hot with Lidocain in it. I use that on occassion when my nerves in my body are on high alert...like yesterday.
Fibromyalgia. The other part of that is not just the nerve pain. It is fighting the depression that comes with it. Life should not have to be such a battle all of the time. I know there are other people that have it worse and I try to remind myself of that but knowing that I am in better physical condition that others doesn't always cut it. It just cuts the pity party short.
I realized that I should not whine over my position at this point because I am here because of choices I made. All along the way.
My younger sister is in a position with finances that keeps her awake at night too. I am afraid, from the way her husband sounds and acts, that she may end up in the same position I am in someday. Hopefully, not.
My son's car is acting up also. He has not paid of the personal loan he took out for it. I told him that I can find him a newer, better car for about the same price he paid for that one and he can take out a car loan for it and not have to pay full insurance coverage on his car AND the loan could be stretched out over 4-5 years instead which would lower his monthly payments to give him some wiggle room when he needs it. I would have to pay off what he still owes on his personal loan, of course.
He needs a different job. It is a good starter job but he is not going to make it with this job forever.
I need a better paying job...me. I need one that pays like Douchebag's does. I chose the wrong profession. However, IF I had stayed where I was instead of choosing to pick up and move and follow him from job to job, place to place and kept my teaching job, I could have been making really good money by now and ready to retire. couldashouldawoulda
Oh...the choices one makes.
At least my daughter seems okay for right now. She just turned 21. I am not sure about her future with what she has chosen to do...but I will fuss over that another day. I need to concentrate on my classwork and get it done.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Past My Bedtime
Right now I am hanging on for Dec. 9. Why? That is when my big month long break between my 2nd and 3rd class begins. I am only on week 4 of this class and already I want a break.
By Dec 9 there is no more yard work and I get a break from classes...so that when my 2 week Winter break hits guess what this girl is doing....NOTHING!!! I will let the dogs in and out, feed them, and vacuum up after them. There is also that pesky thing known as laundry but Bethany can help with that. I am going to read a BOOK...paper. No computer. I am even going to limit my FB time.
I went to the eye doctor to get my eyes checked out really well, get new contacts and lenses for my frames. I like my frames. They are just the right shape, color and just heavy duty enough. I just needed new lenses.
I also had a concern with my left eye that the doctor needed to check out. I have been find a little bit of a field of vision problem. I was afraid of my retina detaching (I had a flashing light for few days in my peripheral vision...but it stopped) and there is something missing...just a very small, tiny bit. I was worried about macular degeneration. Well, I was partly right. It is my macula...there is a tiny hole. The eye doctor said it is very tiny but it is what is causing me to find a very small missing bit. If I am ready smaller print, and, for instance, I am looking at a 3 letter word, the middle letter is 2/3 missing.
She sent me home with a chart to use to monitor if the missing bit gets bigger or smaller. She said it COULD heal on its own. But I have to visit her again in a month...and she will not charge me...so she can look at it to see if it has gotten any better or worse. She said I would need to see a retina specialist and have a 3D image done of the inside of my eye then they may decide to repair it with laser surgery, if it needs to be fixed.
I am praying for healing. I can't afford the surgery.
My mother had a scare with skin cancer. But it turned out that they caught it soon enough to burn it all out. But she is deaf in her left ear now. Something about a nerve...*sigh*
I have had to do some hustling this week for my classwork. I have to observe an IEP meeting and submit a paper about it. It is due this Sunday and every IEP meeting I was ok'd to sit in on turned out it wasn't going to happen because the parents could not be reached. I FINALLY found an IS that was having one tomorrow and she got the parents' ok . So WHEW! I also have had to scrape up an IS I can work with to do some work with some kids on intervention techniques.
I wouldn't mind working on these projects then writing the papers about it and handing them in except that we still have 2 chapters to read a week and write a discussion piece then read everyone else's and comment on them, plus we have a unit of another thing to read every week and do an assessment.
I keep getting new student cases to work with on my job. Each day Holly feeds me another 2-3 students. I am thankful to One Note! It keeps me organized. I am keeping on top of all of these students right now. Of course, it helps that 2 of my cases are on their way to withdrawal and 2 more I am waiting for the Special Education department to test them to make sure their disabilities do not have anything to do with them not doing their lessons. Once they decide that is not the case, then I can dig in and bring the hammer down.
I also have 4 students that I am basically keeping track of how many days they have until I can hand them over to the Truancy officer and have them shoved out the 'door'. They will not communicate with the teacher or me, they are not logging their students in and the students are not doing lessons. So...bye.
I have a few that have decided that following school requirements is better than fighting the state over truancy.
And tomorrow (actually, today, now) I have To Do List for my job, I have the IEP meeting, lawn mowing, vacuuming, and my classwork to do.
Oh...and before Douchebag the Magnificent left town, he had handed me checks for the kids' bday this month. Just checks. Tuesday night I checked my personal email and found an email from him and he asked me if I was buying Bethany a card (to put his name on and his check in) or if he should send her a card? REALLY??? Why in God's name would I buy a card FOR HIM to be given to her? I just answered,"I was just going to give her the check" Today I found an email from him that said, "You can buy a card or I could send it or you can just give her the check." I did not reply. I had already given him my answer. If he wants to send her a card, he should do that. If he is too feckin lazy to get her one, so be it. I am not his momma. And I do NOT want to communicate with the douche. He has never had any respect for me so why the hell would I held him out? BITE ME!
Okay...I got that out of my system. Time to get some sleep. I also have to find some time to do my exercising. I have been doing it every day for the last 4 days and I am making myself do it I kinda have to now because I am signed up in this weight loss online medical thing paid for by my employer and my hospitalization. We have to log our exercise every day and keep track of our weight once a week. We are in an online group once a week. My group meets on Tuesdays at 6 pm. I have to do something. I have worked on finding myself esteem and grit. Now I need to work on finding my thinner body again. It will never be as thin as I was in my 20's but it can be closer to it. I have 75 pounds to lose. Yep...75. If I wanted to be where I was in my 20's I would have 95 pounds to lose. I am not trying that. LOL
By Dec 9 there is no more yard work and I get a break from classes...so that when my 2 week Winter break hits guess what this girl is doing....NOTHING!!! I will let the dogs in and out, feed them, and vacuum up after them. There is also that pesky thing known as laundry but Bethany can help with that. I am going to read a BOOK...paper. No computer. I am even going to limit my FB time.
I went to the eye doctor to get my eyes checked out really well, get new contacts and lenses for my frames. I like my frames. They are just the right shape, color and just heavy duty enough. I just needed new lenses.
I also had a concern with my left eye that the doctor needed to check out. I have been find a little bit of a field of vision problem. I was afraid of my retina detaching (I had a flashing light for few days in my peripheral vision...but it stopped) and there is something missing...just a very small, tiny bit. I was worried about macular degeneration. Well, I was partly right. It is my macula...there is a tiny hole. The eye doctor said it is very tiny but it is what is causing me to find a very small missing bit. If I am ready smaller print, and, for instance, I am looking at a 3 letter word, the middle letter is 2/3 missing.
She sent me home with a chart to use to monitor if the missing bit gets bigger or smaller. She said it COULD heal on its own. But I have to visit her again in a month...and she will not charge me...so she can look at it to see if it has gotten any better or worse. She said I would need to see a retina specialist and have a 3D image done of the inside of my eye then they may decide to repair it with laser surgery, if it needs to be fixed.
I am praying for healing. I can't afford the surgery.
My mother had a scare with skin cancer. But it turned out that they caught it soon enough to burn it all out. But she is deaf in her left ear now. Something about a nerve...*sigh*
I have had to do some hustling this week for my classwork. I have to observe an IEP meeting and submit a paper about it. It is due this Sunday and every IEP meeting I was ok'd to sit in on turned out it wasn't going to happen because the parents could not be reached. I FINALLY found an IS that was having one tomorrow and she got the parents' ok . So WHEW! I also have had to scrape up an IS I can work with to do some work with some kids on intervention techniques.
I wouldn't mind working on these projects then writing the papers about it and handing them in except that we still have 2 chapters to read a week and write a discussion piece then read everyone else's and comment on them, plus we have a unit of another thing to read every week and do an assessment.
I keep getting new student cases to work with on my job. Each day Holly feeds me another 2-3 students. I am thankful to One Note! It keeps me organized. I am keeping on top of all of these students right now. Of course, it helps that 2 of my cases are on their way to withdrawal and 2 more I am waiting for the Special Education department to test them to make sure their disabilities do not have anything to do with them not doing their lessons. Once they decide that is not the case, then I can dig in and bring the hammer down.
I also have 4 students that I am basically keeping track of how many days they have until I can hand them over to the Truancy officer and have them shoved out the 'door'. They will not communicate with the teacher or me, they are not logging their students in and the students are not doing lessons. So...bye.
I have a few that have decided that following school requirements is better than fighting the state over truancy.
And tomorrow (actually, today, now) I have To Do List for my job, I have the IEP meeting, lawn mowing, vacuuming, and my classwork to do.
Oh...and before Douchebag the Magnificent left town, he had handed me checks for the kids' bday this month. Just checks. Tuesday night I checked my personal email and found an email from him and he asked me if I was buying Bethany a card (to put his name on and his check in) or if he should send her a card? REALLY??? Why in God's name would I buy a card FOR HIM to be given to her? I just answered,"I was just going to give her the check" Today I found an email from him that said, "You can buy a card or I could send it or you can just give her the check." I did not reply. I had already given him my answer. If he wants to send her a card, he should do that. If he is too feckin lazy to get her one, so be it. I am not his momma. And I do NOT want to communicate with the douche. He has never had any respect for me so why the hell would I held him out? BITE ME!
Okay...I got that out of my system. Time to get some sleep. I also have to find some time to do my exercising. I have been doing it every day for the last 4 days and I am making myself do it I kinda have to now because I am signed up in this weight loss online medical thing paid for by my employer and my hospitalization. We have to log our exercise every day and keep track of our weight once a week. We are in an online group once a week. My group meets on Tuesdays at 6 pm. I have to do something. I have worked on finding myself esteem and grit. Now I need to work on finding my thinner body again. It will never be as thin as I was in my 20's but it can be closer to it. I have 75 pounds to lose. Yep...75. If I wanted to be where I was in my 20's I would have 95 pounds to lose. I am not trying that. LOL
Saturday, September 3, 2016
A Little Bit of Class
This has been a week and a half. And it is not over yet.
This week, as far as my job went, I pissed off a whole lot of parents that are too lazy to get their kids on the computer and doing their work. I started off the year working with the families that were 'having problems' at the end of the year. We were hoping to find some that were willing to change their ways. I did manage to find 7. But the ones I have left are struggling. Badly. At this point there is one that is looking as if he will be withdrawn by the end of the week. The others may shape up long enough to be let go from my support period. But they will fall back into their old bad patterns, half of them...and I will be end up ushering them out after another 6 weeks.
Now...as far as my classwork...my continuing education...I am almost caught up after losing my first week to registration snafus. 4 chapters and 2 papers in 5 days. I still have 2 quizzes to take and those need to be done by midnight tomorrow night but I am not so concerned with those. It will take me a small amount of time. Then I am caught up and next week should be somewhat easier. The week after that I have a summary paper to write after observing an IEP meeting. It is the last 3 weeks of the class that concern me. But I will save that for another time. I am just happy to be catching up for now.
As for my personal life...I have made great strides. At least to me they seem like great strides.
I noticed on my FB notices that a few notices popped up with some Hispanic woman's name on it. I did not know her but the source was my ex's FB page. I had meant to unfriend him after sharing the wedding pictures but had not yet. I had left a total of 2 comments on some things on his page. This woman was commenting on what I had commented on. She was letting me know she was there and marking her territory. It was all orchestrated to get a response out of me. Don't worry 'lady' (use the term loosely), he's all yours. My response? I hit the 'unfriend' button. Cut that hot mess of crazy free. I do not care and I am NOT going to get drawn into a Jerry Springer situation.
Let me tell you folks...I used to think bipolars were the ultimate in messes...psychotics are something to run and hide from. But Narcisssists are just the two of those nightmares combined. And the more you do to free yourself, the more they try to pull you back in with any means possible. They use you as a source of dumping their nastiness on you and as a place to get some much needed nurturing when they get themselves into a mess.
I am doing my best to let him know there is no more bridge here between us. I AM going to give him back that check he gave me for my bday. I know most everyone tells me to cash it and use it...that I deserve it. What I REALLY deserve is to have him gone. And taking that check feels too much to me like giving him what HE wants. $50 is not going to make me or break me in anyway.
I just am not sure how I am going to do it. If I send it back to him, I am still giving him some acknowledgment. I think I will just rip it up and not cash it. If he notices I will let one of his kids tell him that I ripped it up and didn't cash it.
At some point they just MIGHT decide that they need to disconnect with him also. It will be more difficult for them because he is their father and they will want to believe they can still be connected to him. But how do you connect with someone that does not have any genuine feelings and does not know how to have a relationship?
That is for further down the road.
This week, as far as my job went, I pissed off a whole lot of parents that are too lazy to get their kids on the computer and doing their work. I started off the year working with the families that were 'having problems' at the end of the year. We were hoping to find some that were willing to change their ways. I did manage to find 7. But the ones I have left are struggling. Badly. At this point there is one that is looking as if he will be withdrawn by the end of the week. The others may shape up long enough to be let go from my support period. But they will fall back into their old bad patterns, half of them...and I will be end up ushering them out after another 6 weeks.
Now...as far as my classwork...my continuing education...I am almost caught up after losing my first week to registration snafus. 4 chapters and 2 papers in 5 days. I still have 2 quizzes to take and those need to be done by midnight tomorrow night but I am not so concerned with those. It will take me a small amount of time. Then I am caught up and next week should be somewhat easier. The week after that I have a summary paper to write after observing an IEP meeting. It is the last 3 weeks of the class that concern me. But I will save that for another time. I am just happy to be catching up for now.
As for my personal life...I have made great strides. At least to me they seem like great strides.
I noticed on my FB notices that a few notices popped up with some Hispanic woman's name on it. I did not know her but the source was my ex's FB page. I had meant to unfriend him after sharing the wedding pictures but had not yet. I had left a total of 2 comments on some things on his page. This woman was commenting on what I had commented on. She was letting me know she was there and marking her territory. It was all orchestrated to get a response out of me. Don't worry 'lady' (use the term loosely), he's all yours. My response? I hit the 'unfriend' button. Cut that hot mess of crazy free. I do not care and I am NOT going to get drawn into a Jerry Springer situation.
Let me tell you folks...I used to think bipolars were the ultimate in messes...psychotics are something to run and hide from. But Narcisssists are just the two of those nightmares combined. And the more you do to free yourself, the more they try to pull you back in with any means possible. They use you as a source of dumping their nastiness on you and as a place to get some much needed nurturing when they get themselves into a mess.
I am doing my best to let him know there is no more bridge here between us. I AM going to give him back that check he gave me for my bday. I know most everyone tells me to cash it and use it...that I deserve it. What I REALLY deserve is to have him gone. And taking that check feels too much to me like giving him what HE wants. $50 is not going to make me or break me in anyway.
I just am not sure how I am going to do it. If I send it back to him, I am still giving him some acknowledgment. I think I will just rip it up and not cash it. If he notices I will let one of his kids tell him that I ripped it up and didn't cash it.
At some point they just MIGHT decide that they need to disconnect with him also. It will be more difficult for them because he is their father and they will want to believe they can still be connected to him. But how do you connect with someone that does not have any genuine feelings and does not know how to have a relationship?
That is for further down the road.
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