Head down...moving on

 School is back in session and I am just not feeling it.  I was that way last year at this time, too.  The only hopefulness about it is that they SAID they are only doing enrollment for the first 2 weeks of January and they are taking people off the waitlist.  WHY is that hopeful?  Because I am at 20 students on my caseload.  I checked and only 2 other 7th grade ISes have as many as me.  They try to even out the caseloads so that means that all of the other 7th grade ISes will get new students before me.  AND if they only do enrollment for 2 weeks, then hopefully we will all be capped off at 20.  That means for the first semester EVER, I will not get any new students.  That would be ideal!

I am not talking about politics.  I am not happy with either side.  Not saying anything about that bunch coming in and their plans.  Just going to say my prayers, do my thing as I should and keep the faith in God.  The end is looming and I want to be on the up escalator.

Having said that, I am hoping to bag a cute little house a few blocks away from my parents. The neighborhood is quiet, I am used to it, and the house is just the right size for me.  It has enough room for Beth and Jordan if they need to stay for a while the only down side is it has only the one bathroom.  I will not think about that because I do not know what the future holds and it may just be me.  The landscape is miniscule which means no flower beds all around the house.  Just in the front and they are small.  I could do some flower pots in the summer and be done with it.  It would be a weird concept and something to get used to.  

Not much else to say.  It is winter and I am at low energy.  

The Virus Inside and Out

 I spent the evening with Lynn, my neighbor, yesterday.  Her house is neat, clean...and sparse. She reminds me of my Aunt Doris. Aunt Doris was a minimalist.  Lynn had not one Christmas decoration.  It isn't that Lynn is an unbeliever. She goes to church every Sunday.  She just doesn't feel a need to decorate since it is only she that lives there.  I could be that way but it is just traditional.  I need the decorations.  

Lynn says she doesn't like to cook, even though she has a freezer and pantry full of healthy foods.  I told her my thing in the winter is crockpots full of homemade soup.  I told her I would text her whenever I made a crockpot of some and tell her what kind I have and if she wants to stop by and have some then she is welcome.  She said, "I'll bring some wine!"  I told her that she didn't need to bring wine.  I don't like to drink so much.  If she wants to drink it with her soup, then it is up to her.

I got home and into my pj's just in time to get a call from Debbie. She was on her way home from her nursing shift. She told about the large number of COVID patients and the one that coded out on her.  She said her youngest daughter, Olivia, who lives with her and works at the hospital not too far from me, just tested positive for COVID.  Debbie told her admin and they told HER not to get tested unless she had symptoms.  This means, she could be attending to patients, have the virus but be asymptomatic, and be giving it to someone that is already sick.  

Ironically, after I talked to her, I got a text from my ex sister-in-law/friend Belinda who let me know her oldest sister Karen (whom I really loved because she was always so sweet, funny, and kind) had just died at the hospital where Debbie is working.  Karen had a lot of health issues for a while.  She was very over weight and did nothing to rectify her health situation. She had been in this hospital for a week.  She had sepsis, bad lungs, and ended up having emergency surgery early Thursday morning for a stomach infection then was put on a ventilator.  Last night she coded 3 times and the 4th time they could not bring her back.  I certainly am not telling her the information that Debbie shared with me about her COVID situation. It would make Belinda feel even worse.  

Then on the Christian breaking news this morning I was listening about how the Catholic Archbishop has urged the church to reject Joe Biden.  The nation of Israel is preparing for renewed attacks when Biden takes office as it endured when Obama was president.  

It looks as though God has decided that it is now the time for the end.  Instead of fighting for our pathetic lives on this planet, we should be preparing for our lives in His Kingdom.  It is scary because this is what we know down here. Heaven is unknown but I do know that it will be so much better.  I do pray for family and friends that need to be saved, still.  It weighs on my heart.  

Shut the Door...Do You Live in a Barn?

So, I needed a new front door.  I NEEDED it...didn't just WANT one...NEEDED it.  So, my dad went with me to get it.  He and I brought it home, put it in my garage.  He looked over the door opening and I could see the look on his face...he was dreading the job.  After all, he is 86 years old and he is worn out.  I tried to find someone to do that job and do it in a way I could afford.  However, I did not have luck making contact with the names of guys I was given that COULD do it.  Until I found this group in the area that helps fix up neglected properties.  I asked the guy in charge of that if he could share a name of someone with me that I could contact to install a door for me.  This guy says his group can do it for cheaper as long as they can put before and after pictures on the website.  He sent a guy over who looked it over and gave me a price.  I had no other options.

He came, did the job.  Left.  BUT, I did not check before he left.  There are things not completed.  I have had a back and forth with his 'boss' about it. This guy wanted me to pay more to complete things.  I told him to not come back because I would take care of it.  THEN the guy texts me this morning and tells me he lost the check I gave him and could I give him another?  If I STOP the check, I can write him another less the price of the STOP fee.  Another lesson for me: he wanted me to leave the 'payee' line blank so that he could fill it in with his daughter's name so that she could deposit it.

I texted him back and raked him up one side and down the other.  I told him that I would put a STOP on it but it is Sunday and there is no guarantee that will not be cashed before the STOP goes into effect.  He will have to wait a few days for me to make sure that it did not get cashed AND if it turns out that it has been cashed, he will not be getting another check.  I have not heard anything from him.  Think he was trying to get 2 payments out of me?  (oh, he JUST texted me and told me he found it in the wash...could he stop by and get a new check?  I told him if he brings me the ruined check I will write him another one but not unless he gave me the proof...no offense. *eye roll* He told me he can do that but it looks like lint.  I told him that if HE could tell it was my check, then I should be able to, also.  piece.of.work)

This is what happens when you let strangers into your life for ANY reason.

On the other hand, the guy that mows my lawn is the opposite.  He mows my lawn for the same amount that he charges the woman behind me...and my lawn is twice what hers is.  He does all the trim and he does a GREAT job!  He is a breath of fresh air.  A man of integrity.  SO appreciated! ALMOST gives me faith in humanity.  Almost.

I actually gave a bit of thought to checking out the Elks Club and maybe joining.  But...I am rethinking that.  Those types of clubs have a lot of drinking involved and I don't want to be getting into all of that sort of crowd.  I am not saying they are bad people and I am better.  It is just that I am trying to live my life in a more spiritual, deliberate manner and entwining myself with groups that do a lot of drinking and do not have a spiritual leaning is not the right thing for me.

I can sit and look back on my life and how I had lived it and the things that I did wrong.  I cannot be angry about things that have happened that have changed my life in a way that I had not wanted because if you commit sin, and ask forgiveness, God will forgive you but that does not mean that there are not worldly consequences.

I know...it is easy to look at others and all of the crooked, sinful things they are doing and seem to have it easy and have lots of things and money BUT...the deal there is...they are not asking for forgiveness and have no plan to quit doing what they are doing. Therefore, they may NOT have any worldly consequences but there are consequences once they pass from this world and those consequences are forever and beyond.

I know God has forgiven me for my sins...I asked Him to...but the problem is I have not quite forgiven myself.  I do realize though that I see things in a different way and those sins of the past are that...past.  It is not something I feel I would be tempted to repeat. I can, however, give some advice on the matter to my children and hope that they will listen and learn from MY mistakes.

I have noticed something about me...after all of the things...life with the ex, the divorce, lost friendships...it has made me much more serious.  My sense of humor is less and less.