sad mad glad bad fad had dad...

The devil wants to keep you sad and mad. God wants you to be glad.  (paraphrased from Joyce Meyer Ministries)

I find it ironic that now that Troy and I are divorced we can communicate so much better.  I don't really know for sure what he is doing with his life.  And it is not my business.  But we opened a dialogue where we are admitting to things we could have done differently but didn't.  I could have helped out with finances better than I did.  I told him that and I told him that once I am on my feet and can pay all of my own bills we can reduce the alimony amount and length of payment.  I told him I took off from him for long enough and I shouldn't be taking off from him now. 

I don't believe he owes me.  I have actually been ashamed that I am getting alimony.  It makes me ashamed of myself.  I need to remove anything that makes me feel bad...sad...about myself. 

He told me that I never took off from him.  I was his wife and he had no problem with sharing with me and the kids because we were a family.  But he appreciated my sentiment.  He said that the position we are both in was both of our doing.  He said that he knows that he was difficult to live with and he was overly demanding and I didn't deserve THAT...therefore, he feels that he needs to make it up to me.  Of course I countered with he doesn't need to make anything up to me.  I have a roof over my head and he bought me vehicles to drive, spoiled the kids, etc. 

He has been one of my biggest encouragers since I started work on my masters.  I pray he finds his peace.

We get along better now that we don't have to get along.  It is a shame.  However, it doesn't mean that now that we admit to what we did wrong in our relationship that we could get back together.  Personally, I think we both realize we are better without the other one.  Our personalities do not fit together. 

Next subject...allergy season.  It is making it difficult to slog through my classwork.   I am doing 2 classes at once now and will be for the next couple of weeks.  On the upside, the last paper I handed in, that I ripped my hair out over and was expecting A LOT of feedback on, I got 100% and the only feedback was "Very well done".  Huh.  I'll take it.  But, I am getting it.  For class 1 I have 2 short assignments to get handed in by Saturday night that will set up the next assignment which is another paper.  This paper is on a subject that follows along with what we are getting our degree in so my paper will have to do with Autism.  I think I have decided to specialize my Special Education Degree.  I don't have to decide right now.  I could still generalize. 

I have a nephew that has a son with Autism.  Matthew (the son) is a little behind in maturity but he is very intellectually advanced in spatial relations and design.  If you give that boy boxes of legos of every kind he can sit for hours and work on a design until he builds something mechanical. 

My daughter has decided to major in Psychology.  She will be entering the same college as her boyfriend and he will be switching his major to Psychology also.  They, however, will be specializing in different things.  The first year they should be pretty much together.  It is what she wants, we did research on job opportunities and pay scale in the area and there actually is some very well paying job opportunities.  It is her life....

I have been so much calmer lately.  And, I have applied for some very interesting summer teaching opportunities with charter schools.  This Sunday I am attending a charter school teacher job fair.  I am saying my prayers that God guides me and opens some doors.