Counting

We each have our trials and storms.  Some trials and storms are worse than those that others have to go through.  How we work our way through those storms and trials is our own personal test.  Some people take a harder path than they had to, others find an easier option. 

Our pasts end up defining us in some way...whether it is to make positive changes or negative changes.  Our pasts cause us to react to people and things in a different way...good or bad.  We are all created different.  How we think, feel, react is part of who we are. 

We don't have to like other people's choices.  We may have done something differently.  But, unless you can not only walk in that other person's shoes, but also look at who they are, how they react...and realize it is all part of a whole...previous life events and just innate personality...we have no right to judge.  We do not have to accept them.  We can walk away. 

I am not only cleaning out my physical house, I am cleaning out my personal 'house'.  Those people that are not going to actually add anything to my life, that irritate me, that judge and bully and condemn...I have no reason to have them in my life. 

I am not a bad person.  I may not be the strongest person or anywhere close to perfect but I am who I am.  I do not think I am so bad.  Even though I whine and hold back a lot on doing what I know I SHOULD do.  I am whiney and lazy.  I lick my wounds.  I pray and God will often show me things I don't want to see but I have to admit to. 

I have been put down a lot for the choices I made to stay with my ex husband when he was at his worst.  I did what I did because God laid it on my heart.  It was wrong of me to act the martyr after that.  I whined because I was stupid enough to think that things were going to be better.  While some things changed for the better it only seemed like it was replaced by other things that were so not good. 

BUT...that is all past.  I did what I did...good, bad, or indifferent.  I could have reacted better but you know...I will be the first to admit that I mentally curl up.  Have jumped off the moving train...and not at a good place.  I have recognized this about me.  It is something God is working on. 

God uses people in your life to guide you.  The devil will also use people in your life to try and knock you off your path.  I was feeling a bit too good about my break through in getting past my hurt and anger with the divorce.  The buck shot hit. 

But..weebles wobble but we don't fall down. God picked me up and dusted me off.  He told me that He has my back and there is no reason for me to feel badly about what He has already forgiven me for. He will help me to get over my anxiety and become a stronger person.  He will help me rework my life.  And He will help me let go of the hurt that keeps life with my ex running through my head. 

Troy is who he is.  He is better in some ways.  I pray that our divorce helps him to also become even better.  We got in each other's way. 

God is good.  He is the only judge I need.  He is loving and forgiving.  I know I can count on Him.