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This last week has been 'different'.  Monday started out feeling really good.  I had, after all, gotten some positive feedback about a job, or two. 

Tuesday...not so good.  For no real reason.  Just the reaction to the chemical cocktail.
("If you thought you were in love, isn't that the same as being in love?  Isn't love just a chemical cocktail for the brain--dopamine, serotonin--in a jigger with a  twist?"  Shonda Rhimes via 'Meredith Grey', Grey's Anatomy). 

Thursday I took my son's car to the mechanic when he got home from his 3rd shift job.  Got that bit of happy taken care of.  Friday took my daughter and her guy friend to the college to get signed up.  At least the evening was good...we all got to have dinner together.

Saturday the hard drive on my laptop crashed.  Dropped it off with a computer fix it man 5 minutes from my house.  HP wanted $280 to fix it. This guy charges $145. 

So I used my daughter's laptop for what school work I could do.  She doesn't have any MS Office on hers at all so I could only do what was on the school website.  I could not download and view PPs or write my papers...one of which I lost in the crash and had to start over.

So, Sunday, I got up early and thought, 'Well, I have a PC. Haven't used it in over a year but it still works as far as I know.'  It works but my Office was out of date and since it had been purchased through the last college I took classes from, it was now expired.  So I had a choice...either purchase 2013 from the college I attend now at a student discount rate (is it really?) of $80 and it will be good for 4 years OR purchase the Home edition for $100 and it can be downloaded to everyone's computer, here.  It is only good for one year, though and I can choose to renew and download newer versions...or not.  Additional cost, of course.  I went ahead and chose the Home edition.  I figured Bethany is going to need it, TJ will need a newer version once his laptop gets cleaned out tomorrow. 

Then it wouldn't load.  I had to mess around with the MS people until I found a tech that knew what he was doing and even then it took him an hour to 'fix' the problems with my computer and get it all downloaded.  I was very grateful. 

Then late last night, my son calls me on his way to work.  He is having some major health issues.  I don't really want to get into it.  I didn't sleep well.  Called the doctor as soon as I could this morning and they told me to take him to the ER.  My son, being stubborn, insisted he wanted to get some sleep first. So, I have been doing what I can around here this morning, waiting for him to get some rest.  I just pray it isn't anything major...no very bad news.  The problem he is having could be any number of things from a simple infection all the way to...well...no one wants to say it. 

I texted his father...told him 'this is important.  I have to take TJ to the ER'  He asked me why.  I explained to him what was going on.  The text I got back was, "I am not feeling well either.  Let me know."

"I am not feeling well either"  Guess what, I haven't been either BUT it is nothing compared to what is going on with TJ.  Yet, he felt he had to throw that in there.  When he spoke to me on the phone Friday he sounded just fine then...wanted to tell me about some new gadget he bought himself...and I cut him off and told him I was in the middle of something and had to go.  I hung up. 

Bethany looked at me last night and told me that the biggest thing we are all going through is anger.  She said it is because he rode off into the sunset and never looked back.  He moved some place new, has a new job then got someone new in his life.  He left us to deal with the aftermath...sorting everything out...including our 'new' futures.  She said that while he tries to tell me (her mom) that he thought I wanted the divorce, he never once really asked me how I felt.    She said, "He never talked to any of us about it.  He just dumped it all on us."  She said that she will get over it and in time she knows she will feel differently.  But the other problem is the new one in his life.  She said that her dad picked out someone that is everything he harped on them not to be. 

Well...that is par for the course with him.  He has ALWAYS been a 'do as I say, not as I do' kinda guy.  They know this.  I think their biggest struggle is the freedom.  They no longer have to put up with the guy that they had no respect for...didn't like being around.  We have all lived in 'the valley of dead bones' for so long, we are trying to get used to being somewhere that we can get things to grow. 

Bethany said that her friends all said that they noticed a difference in the atmosphere when he wasn't home...when he was gone on business trips.  They said it wasn't so much in the way we acted...it was just like a missing negative electrical field.  My mother always said that.  She said the minute he walked in the door, the aura of the room changed instantly.  I know I immediately tensed. 

Once he has gathered his stuff in a little under 4 weeks, then that is that.  Then perhaps the aura will be changed permanently.  I am hoping so. 

My kids will figure it out.  They just shrug and say it will take time.  I guess they are just waiting to see if he ever reaches out to them anymore or just fades entirely away.