There is this one woman on my FB list that was a grade behind me in school. She wants to make sure everyone knows she has MS. She seems to use it for an excuse. By that I mean, she really has a mild case of it and when she catches a cold or has a headache she complains about it with the lovely phrase, "MS SUCKS". well...yeah!
So today, I am going to complain about the thing that topples me once in a while...the thing I try to ignore...FIBROMYALGIA SUCKS.
It has been a lovely few days. Things could be worse. But yesterday my push mower broke. Evil Spawn informed me that he never changed the spark plug...and that may be what happened. I then informed HIM that I changed the spark plug AND the air filter last summer...as well as changed the oil. But the mower is about 12-13 years old. Derek next door checked it out and pronounced it as dead due to a cracked piston. So then Evil Spawn said, At least they don't cost that much to replace.
To which I told him if it cost more than $5 it was too much to replace. I looked around the yard, front and back, and decided I could get by without it. Whatever the riding mower couldn't cut then the electric trimmer could. I might need to take 2 days to do the trimming OR buy a 2nd battery for my trimmer (note the previous $5 remark). However, it could be worse. Also, if I take the gas trimmer apart I can fix the pull cord.
Then today I saw the signs up...the city is going to pave the roads around us for a 2 block radius tomorrow and Friday. That means Evil Spawn could not get in here to drop the trailer off on Friday. I informed him of such.
He has then decided to take the trailer with him to his mother's and return on Monday to load. We had a phone conversation about it. Somewhere in there he made some remark about having to live with how he messed things up. And I do not know how it got to it...really because my blood pressure was very high by now...but he denied ever sending me an email telling me that he wanted a divorce and was going to go to the courthouse and file. He said that when he called me and told me he wanted a divorce he didn't TELL me...he said he thought MAYBE we should get a divorce...and he waited for me to talk to him about it but I never talked to him about it.
So...MY fault. I found the email (didn't think I had saved it but I did) and copied it and sent it back to him. I reread it and there was no doubt in it whatsoever what he wanted. And I am not the one with alzheimers...I remember the phone conversation. And I remember him telling me he didn't love me anymore.
He is just trying to shift the blame to me, make me doubt myself, drum up some sympathy for himself so that he doesn't face angry me when he comes here to get his stuff. I already told him I was not going to be here when he comes to drop off the trailer Friday...or at least, see the kids. I didn't want the kids to feel uncomfortable so I am not going to spoil things and I will leave. I also informed him that I MIGHT be here Monday but if I am I will be in the computer room working on my classwork. He said we could have a conversation after it is all packed, if I want. I told him I really don't know what else to say to him.
By the time the phone conversation was over, I was livid. My blood pressure was up, my head hurt, and my ears had that weird fuzziness to them like I had been to a really loud concert. I finished putting the groceries away, got something to eat then collapsed in a chair. As I started to calm down I felt more and more like rubber. And that's where I am right now...rubber and nerve pain. And my chest kinda hurts...too high of a heart rate.
Now that time is drawing near, Jackie checks in with me every evening when she gets off work. She knows the kids are off doing their own thing and don't know...nevermind.
Speaking of which, I am so afraid my father is not going to make it through the year...or for much longer. My mother tells how very easily he tires. She says he has not much strength left in him and he can barely do anything without collapsing into a chair. It is hard to hear and see. He has always been so strong...so busy. I know she is afraid, too. If it wasn't for my dogs I'll bet if something happened to dad, she would sell the house and move in with me. That would be astronomically interesting. But she is my mom.
Life has too many twists and turns and we never know...
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