Crawling Out of My Skin

I literally feel like I am coming out of my skin.  The stress level is so high...I saw my hands shaking today. 

I am behind in my classwork and trying to be able to concentrate enough to catch up. 

I had a dinner meeting...it was a meet and greet with people from a charter school that is opening and candidates.  Some of them sound like they are pretty much hired already. I, on the other hand, am having my interview tomorrow.  They want to send out offer letters on Monday. It is getting down to the wire.  I need to know I have a job.

And then there is the ex...coming around next weekend to get his stuff.  He will have the new gf in tow.  He is not bringing her to the house.  He is not spending time with his kids.  He called Bethany to 'explain' it to her.  She said that she is over him.  She said he is clueless and has no real feelings.  I had nothing to say to her about it.  She has made her assessment of him.  Today, TJ said that the only way his dad is going to know about his wedding is he will send him an invitation in the mail. 

I am too keyed up about too many things right now to deal with their feelings about their dad.  Either it will get better on its own...or their father will just fade into the background. 

I also have teacher testing to take.  Having a teaching license in Ohio keeps getting more and more difficult.  But I have to do this.  I really don't have much of a choice. 

And...I get way too many opinions from every side of me...about how I should handle the ex husband...what to do, how to do, when to do...

I ask for prayers and I get 'advice' and opinions.  I don't want or need anymore advice or opinions.  It is not helping keep myself calm.  It is only unnerving me more.

Fight or flight instinct...right now I am fighing the instinct to fly.  I want to run away...dive in and hide. 

I want some calm.  Just a place.  A peace.  I just want to feel a bit of security.  Please.  I want to feel like I can trust...rest...be happy.  I am not a bad person.  I may have not been perfect ...but who is?  I have a good heart.  I just want to feel some love back...and some security.