The Gag Reflex

I could do it. But I don't because my blood pressure rockets and then I can't breathe and then I feel my heart start doing that arrhythmic behavior and it feels like I am blacking out for a couple seconds.  Really...I miss a couple seconds of what is in front of me. Then after a couple of those mini blackouts I get a headache.

What could I do that I don't do?  I don't look at the FB page of the female (and I use the term loosely) that my ex is hooked up with. 

But tonight someone told me about a picture that she had posted of my ex and her.  My son was sitting there and I asked him if he was still looking at her page and he said he hadn't for a few months.  I told him I felt like I was going to throw up I was so sick.  Just from the description of that one picture.  So, unfortunately, he then looked at the page.  I don't know what all he saw there but I saw his jaw line set...he clenched his teeth.  After looking at things for a minute he put his phone down and quietly said, "I am done with him.  Not that we. talk much now but I really don't want to talk to him ever again.  I don't want him at my wedding. He is a poor excuse of a father and an adult."  I would feel badly but his dad treated him badly and he really would be better off without that toxin in his life. 

He is displaying signs of destructive behavior.  I've already seen that movie up close and personal.

I sent out messages to quite a few of my church family/friends to ask for prayer for me in the pursuit of a certain job.  An acquaintance of mine that works for an online charter school messaged me about a job opening.  They are hiring 10 more people in her department and they especially need some in my section of the state.  It would get my foot in the door and pay my bills until I finish my masters and can get an intervention specialist job with them.  Then I could live in any part of the state.  But I seriously need the job and NOW.  When Evil Spawn starts to unravel he doesn't waste any time.

His behavior will leak over into his job and red flags will go up...then they will drug test him. 

I always knew that I was the only thing that was keeping him on the rails and even that was a major battle every day.  I couldn't do that forever.  It was taken out of my hands.  And now, God needs to finish the favor and open the doors to a job...now.  Even if the job doesn't actually start until August, I have enough to keep me going until then.