Brian was nice. I am not sure I can feel anything 'romantic' for him. Nothing wrong with him. I am not sure at this point I can feel 'romantic' for anyone. Not sure if it is depression or just not having a good enough opinion of myself. However, he seems to like hanging with me. He didn't even try to give me a hug, let alone a kiss.
I met with Dianne this afternoon and she filled me in on newer education standards. She went over common core with me. It isn't a bad idea...it is how it is executed and when. Common core would work if they had some way of working the kids into it instead of just dumping it on them and the teachers and saying "there ya go!" Too much testing too. And with the schools losing money and pulling back on paraprofessionals it just creates a real burden on the teachers. Why am I doing this?
Dianne told me to try and get into online teaching. I told her that is my goal.
In the meantime....I will do what I can do. I am doing applications still. Next Tuesday I go take my $105 reading endorsement test. I would like to take the middle school math endorsement test but I can't afford the other $105. Not now. I will take it as soon as I can.
The only thing that keeps the depression from setting in is class. Reading, learning...stretching my brain. Socialization is helpful but learning is better. I took 2 weeks off from class so I could get things done in my yard but it has either rained or been so hot we have had advisories to stay indoors.
I have a paper to finish this week...another one next week but other than the test that will take up 5 hours of my time on Tuesday afternoon, I have nothing scheduled. It is supposed to, at this point in weather time, rain most of the week next week so I guess I will use some time to get things painted and organized inside.
Everyone tells me to relax and enjoy my summer. Kinda difficult when I am not sure about the job situation. When I get anxious I spend some time on my knees.
Well, time to get dinner for TJ and I. I would think I would start dropping some weight. I haven't been eating much. Not much of an appetite.
Brian plans on taking me for sushi sometime this weekend. I like sushi so I do not know why I am not more happy about it. Depression.
Just what is mid-life crisis good for? Is it a REAL thing or just a blanket excuse for guys of a certain age deciding that the woman they were married to for 20+ years is probably the reason for their restlessness and unhappiness?
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