Shut the Door...Do You Live in a Barn?

So, I needed a new front door.  I NEEDED it...didn't just WANT one...NEEDED it.  So, my dad went with me to get it.  He and I brought it home, put it in my garage.  He looked over the door opening and I could see the look on his face...he was dreading the job.  After all, he is 86 years old and he is worn out.  I tried to find someone to do that job and do it in a way I could afford.  However, I did not have luck making contact with the names of guys I was given that COULD do it.  Until I found this group in the area that helps fix up neglected properties.  I asked the guy in charge of that if he could share a name of someone with me that I could contact to install a door for me.  This guy says his group can do it for cheaper as long as they can put before and after pictures on the website.  He sent a guy over who looked it over and gave me a price.  I had no other options.

He came, did the job.  Left.  BUT, I did not check before he left.  There are things not completed.  I have had a back and forth with his 'boss' about it. This guy wanted me to pay more to complete things.  I told him to not come back because I would take care of it.  THEN the guy texts me this morning and tells me he lost the check I gave him and could I give him another?  If I STOP the check, I can write him another less the price of the STOP fee.  Another lesson for me: he wanted me to leave the 'payee' line blank so that he could fill it in with his daughter's name so that she could deposit it.

I texted him back and raked him up one side and down the other.  I told him that I would put a STOP on it but it is Sunday and there is no guarantee that will not be cashed before the STOP goes into effect.  He will have to wait a few days for me to make sure that it did not get cashed AND if it turns out that it has been cashed, he will not be getting another check.  I have not heard anything from him.  Think he was trying to get 2 payments out of me?  (oh, he JUST texted me and told me he found it in the wash...could he stop by and get a new check?  I told him if he brings me the ruined check I will write him another one but not unless he gave me the proof...no offense. *eye roll* He told me he can do that but it looks like lint.  I told him that if HE could tell it was my check, then I should be able to, also.  piece.of.work)

This is what happens when you let strangers into your life for ANY reason.

On the other hand, the guy that mows my lawn is the opposite.  He mows my lawn for the same amount that he charges the woman behind me...and my lawn is twice what hers is.  He does all the trim and he does a GREAT job!  He is a breath of fresh air.  A man of integrity.  SO appreciated! ALMOST gives me faith in humanity.  Almost.

I actually gave a bit of thought to checking out the Elks Club and maybe joining.  But...I am rethinking that.  Those types of clubs have a lot of drinking involved and I don't want to be getting into all of that sort of crowd.  I am not saying they are bad people and I am better.  It is just that I am trying to live my life in a more spiritual, deliberate manner and entwining myself with groups that do a lot of drinking and do not have a spiritual leaning is not the right thing for me.

I can sit and look back on my life and how I had lived it and the things that I did wrong.  I cannot be angry about things that have happened that have changed my life in a way that I had not wanted because if you commit sin, and ask forgiveness, God will forgive you but that does not mean that there are not worldly consequences.

I know...it is easy to look at others and all of the crooked, sinful things they are doing and seem to have it easy and have lots of things and money BUT...the deal there is...they are not asking for forgiveness and have no plan to quit doing what they are doing. Therefore, they may NOT have any worldly consequences but there are consequences once they pass from this world and those consequences are forever and beyond.

I know God has forgiven me for my sins...I asked Him to...but the problem is I have not quite forgiven myself.  I do realize though that I see things in a different way and those sins of the past are that...past.  It is not something I feel I would be tempted to repeat. I can, however, give some advice on the matter to my children and hope that they will listen and learn from MY mistakes.

I have noticed something about me...after all of the things...life with the ex, the divorce, lost friendships...it has made me much more serious.  My sense of humor is less and less. 

Energizer Bunny, where are you?

I should have had the flooring down in the other bedroom by now.  It is almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I have barely moved.  I mean...other than a shower, cooking and downing 2 burritos, and playing a little with my dog.  It is so humid it is like breathing water.  And because of that, Lucy was only too happy to come in from the sunroom so I could shut the door and turn on the AC a little.  It's not that it is so very hot, the humidity just makes it hard to breathe.  I always let the AC run for a little bit to get some cool air circulating then I turn on  the fan.   It pretty much takes care of it all.

I will eventually get myself in that bedroom and start laying the flooring.  And I will kill myself to do it all before I pass out tonight.  Only because my son will be here Sunday afternoon and I have other things I need to accomplish before he gets here.

The neighbors next door had a party for some reason last night.  A middle of the week party.  It wasn't terribly large because the cars all fit in their driveway except 2...which parked on this side road but they parked way down past my driveway...not next to my porch.  They started about 6 so it was over by dark.  Lynn came across the back yard and in through my deck sliding glass door.  She said, "I am sure they see me come to your house and now BJ (the neighbor's airhead wife) will be miffed by it. I don't care. "  I mean...after all...they want everyone to think they are wonderful and I am the newcomer to the neighborhood...and the 'enemy' of sorts.  Neighborhood drama...ugh.

Lynn explained to me about the neighborhood politics and who lived where.  I also discovered that the guy that was principal of the school at which I did my student teaching also lives just down the road from me.   To tell you the truth I would not recognize him because I barely remember what he looks like.  Lynn is also friends with one of the teachers I student taught with.

Sometimes I like being back in a smaller world and sometimes....not so much.

I like meeting new people sometimes.  I like having friends to do things with once in a while.  I just don't like people bothering me all of the time.  I am not sure which Lynn will be.  Frankly, I am pretty sure she won't bother me a lot. She DID say that she wants to take me with her to the Elks Club down the road for dinner and drinks and so that I can meet other people in the area.  This is the second time someone wanted to take me to the Elks Club.  I am not really sure what the significance of that whole place is.  I am not good with CLUBS.  I am not big on organized things like that.  Too many rules and weird regulations make me itch.

But once she mentioned she was a member of the Elks club, I got a little excited because I thought maybe I would find out what happened to my HS friend, Nancy. I described to Lynn where Nancy had lived...just 4 doors down the road from me, right before the Elks Club.  Lynn said, "Oh, did she have an alterations business?" yes.  She said some of the women dropped things off for Nancy to do but she had not really come to the club much.  Her husband was a member and they had not been married very long when she just died suddenly.  There evidently was never an explanation.  Considering there was not ever an explanation other than she died suddenly...it gives me the sinking feeling that she had attempted suicide again, and this time she did not fail.  I would rather not jump to conclusions but Nancy had battled depression for years.  She had attempted it once and her first husband foiled her attempt.

Me knowing how she died, exactly, will not change the fact that she is dead.  I certainly did not elaborate to Lynn anything about Nancy's past or anything else about her.  It would serve no purpose.

I did learn about Lynn's first husband and his descent into severe OCD mental illness and his refusal for help. So, she had divorced him.  Then she told me about the second husband that she met after moving to the neighborhood and the other 2 women in the neighborhood that 'attacked' her once Carmen (the sought after widower) started dating her.  yep...drama.  I guess this stuff is good to know in order to help navigate the terrain around here but if it had been a show on Netflix I would have passed it up by now.

I drank a half bottle of wine last night.  I couldn't seem to stop because it has been quite a while since I had any and it really tasted good.  Lynn drank the other half of course and she meandered back home.  I am pretty sure that half of bottle of wine is the reason I have no ambition today.  It is the reason I have not had wine in quite a while.

Today I just want to read and chill.  Maybe I won't get that floor done tonight.  We'll see.

I was thinking this morning about how much more confident I feel about being me...on the inside.  I am not so confident about my outer self but I can't seem to muster enough 'oomph' to do much about it.  I can get myself to do everything but WORK to slim down. I was not impressed by my house guest, Vicky, and her eating habits because of that sleeve she had put on her stomach.  I know it is great for some people but I really don't want to have to do that.  However, on the other hand, I am not wanting to do much of anything anyway.

One thing I am going to do it get off of here and read my book...

Deeper Roots

I am finding that the more changes I make to the house, the more excited I get about it and the more I am settling in.  These changes are mine.  I decided, I put in them into action.  I hope I don't get so very used to making all decisions and getting things put into action that I could not tolerate having someone else in my life if he would happen to come along.  HOWEVER, I am not going to focus on that because there isn't even anyone on the horizon.

Poor Susan is going through a difficult spot this week.  It is her late husband's bday on Thursday.  I wish I could do something for her but it is a family affair and the best I can do is send prayers.

Debbie is frustrated because she has to do her yearly nurse PDs online and she said, "I can't do video games! This stuff is timed and I can't find the right buttons...!!!" She has done the one 'game' 3 times and never saves the patient life before it times out.  "I don't understand these buttons!  I know what to do but I don't know what button it is or where to move the mouse!!!" I said, "what hospital do you work at again, cuz I won't go there."  Ha ha!   She is still working on painting and putting in flooring in her mom's house.  She said at the rate things are going she will not move in until December.  She has help from her brothers on the flooring and other minor repairs.  She says the house needs a new porch.  Hope they are good with that stuff.  She calls me and talks to me a lot when she is on her way home from work.  She works 12 hours shifts and she says it keeps her awake. yikes.

AND...as if no one could see this coming...TJ has pumped the brakes AGAIN on the separation from  Brit.  Her aunt took her aside and had a long talk with her, prayed with both of them and then they had a long talk. She wants them to start attending church again (which TJ has been doing...Brit quit) and attend counseling.  Brit had refused to do counseling before but she said she knows they need it and will do it.  I told TJ that I just want him to have a decent life and he will need to figure this all out.  I would LOVE to see this marriage turn around but I am not holding my breath on her changing her ways.  I DO pray for them.  I also told him that IF she doesn't do any of that, then he really needs to make up his mind about it...but it's his life.

I am having a new front door put in.  The guy that is doing it wanted to do it last night. I had my misgivings.  He said, "It's easy peasy!"  but he is working on it now. He started at 10 and it is after 4.  He is putting in the last of the trim to fit it tight. This was big job that I did not want my dad to do.

While TJ is here I am going to put in the ceiling fan in my office area and the new bathroom vent fan in the main bathroom because I have to go over head and put in the vent.  It was never vented.  I don't do electrical work if I am by myself.

My backyard neighbor Lynn came over and asked to come by later with a bottle of wine and some munchies.  We are going to sit in the sunroom, or, if it isn't raining, sit on the side porch. The back deck is too hot in the afternoon.  That is why I will be happy to get my privacy screen up.  It will give it a bit of shade.

Which reminds me...tomorrow I am getting a glider rocker with matching footrest from Dawn to put in my livingroom.  It is a light rusty colored fabric and will go well with the color scheme.  My brother is stopping to get the storm door I took off on the front to use for the door to his mancave.  We share each other's stuff.  He bought a part of a cow from a friend and gave me a few steaks and some hamburger.

I will also stop at Home Depot and get the paint for my front door and a garden auger drill attachment to put the holes in the ground for my privacy screen supports.  I will then put the flooring down in the guest bedroom. Friday and Saturday I will work on 3 things...painting my porch floor, painting my front door and putting up the privacy screen.  I can multi-task.  I also need to do another quick vacuum.  I can do it!  Ha ha!

welllll....I best get off of here. The door is in, the guy got his check and I swept up his mess.  I have my wine glasses out, the wine opener ready....

Uncoupling

TJ is finally doing it.  He is packing up all of his clothes and his computer and xbox and coming up here next Friday.  He has a job with McGraw-Hill, training teachers and school districts in how to use their online curriculum.  He does it from home so as long as he has a working computer and internet, he is working.  He and Brit are separating and will file for dissolution after a month of separation.  He says it has been nothing but arguing and stress for over a year, nothing gets better, she does what she wants, they aren't in love and he is just done. 

I know it will be hard.  I warned him about all of the thoughts and emotions he will have and to be prepared.  I also told him how to help himself get through it.  I know this next year especially will be tough for him but I will be here to listen. 

He doesn't even seem to mind settling in this area anymore.  He can go back to Eagleville church where he is familiar with some of the people...there are a lot of newer ones  and people his age.  He can also get involved in many things there.  It will help him make it through.

I had a visitor.  It was a HS classmate that lives in Florida.  She came and spent the night. Spent a whole afternoon, that night, left the next morning.  I dreaded it but was also cautiously optimistic that the dread was going to be unfounded.  I was wrong.  I was never so glad to see someone leave in my life.  I am not going to go into the details. All I am going to say is she was a major pain in the arse.

I finally got my bedroom painted and the new flooring down.  I think it turned out real nice.  I am going to attempt to put this flooring in the other bedroom before TJ gets here.

I am getting the new front door put up next week.  It won't cost a lot because there is a group that gets grant money and they call themselves "Beautify A----- County" and the guy that heads it is part of a plant exchange group I joined.  I asked him if he knew a guy I could hire to put the door in for me and he said that IF I would let them take before and after pictures, they would do it and charge very little.  So...tada! 

The Japanese Beetles are consuming my pretty coral colored climbing rose bushes.  I guess I will have to get out the sevin dust in the shed and cover them.  *sigh*  My tomato plants are getting tomatoes.  My new knock out rose bush that I planted in the front is dying but the hydrangea bush I put in by my side porch is growing really well.

My social life is not great but it is difficult to do anything with this corona virus/social distancing stuff going on.  The upside to that is we are not having the beginning of the year whole school 2 day F2F conference like we always do.  YAY!!! I hate that.  BUT, instead, we will have virtual 4 hour meetings for 3 mornings in a row. I could take my laptop into the bathroom with me and no one will know cuz I am not the one on camera and my mic is not on.  Ha ha!

I have stocked up on paper supplies and all things soap.  I also have lots of meat stocked up.  I have instant potatoes.  I just don't have a lot of frozen vegetables.  I hate shopping.  I told TJ that he will need to buy his own food.  He says he will do some of the cooking.  He said,"I know you like to cook..." (me)"nope...no I do not."  (TJ): "oh...ha!  Well, I was going to say I could do some of the cooking." (me) "cook away!  Cook ALL YOU WANT.  Since living on my own I have found that I would rather not.  I have lost my interest in it."

I am not taking advantage...he will need a purpose. Since I have a guy mowing my lawn for $25 per mow, TJ won't have to help me with that.  However, he said that he could help, at some point, finish off the one section of the basement that would be a perfect spot for another bedroom. He said he could move down there when Bethany and Jordan are ready to move in.  There IS a bathroom in the basement so someone can live down there.  The thing is, TJ will eventually be moving 2 cats here and Bethany and Jordan have 2 cats....so...4 adults, 4 cats and a dog.  In this house. 

It took me a while to get used to my empty nest but now I like it. This is going to be a real adventure.  I put a chair in my room (which needs a bit of  tweak in the furniture arrangement still) and I told them, I will put a TV in there and if I retreat into my room not to take it personal but I just need to have alone/quiet time and if they knock on my door, it had better be important.  😂

I guess that's all I've got.  2 More weeks of vacay.  TJ will take up the last week of vacay.  So, enjoy this next week while I can. 

Heat It Up

I'm melting, I'm melting!

I am in a battle with the Japanese Beetles over my gorgeous climbing rose bushes.  I have been spraying them with an essential oil spray.  It has not deterred all of them.  I really hate to break out the sevin dust.

I am not finishing any new outside projects because of the heat and the rebar is not going to work to hold my screen because it was too tall and thin. I could not get it deep enough into the ground.  So...I have to come up with something different.  It will have to wait until the heat wave ends.  

Oh...did not get that teaching job.  I feel like God is telling me to be still.  Things have settled down around my house.  I don't know how I will afford a car replacement but God will provide.

TJ got a job with McGraw-Hill in there online programs training department for schools.  It is a 4 month contract position for now but they said they could have some fulltime positions after. I am praying this works out for him!

I am working on my bedroom...paint, floors. It is going slowly cuz I was feeling pretty awful for a few days last week AND I am trying to enjoy some of my vacation time.  

Nothing else really going on.