The Nephew Experimental Failure

Where shall I start?  I think I should start with the nephew experiment.

Kevin was all happy to come here and so excited with the idea of attending college and doing something different with his life that would be more than either of his brothers.  We built another bedroom in our basement...and it wasn't cheap.  We told ourselves that we would have done it anyway...but we know we wouldn't have done it so soon and we would have taken more time and made the room bigger.  But we wanted him to have his own space and be comfortable.  The whole idea of it started to make me anxious and uncomfortable, as it did my husband and our kids.  Our son, who is a few months older than Kevin, tried to talk us out of it.  Little did we know that we should have listened to him.  He knew Kevin so much better than we did.

It took Kevin a while to find a job...some of it was due to the fact that he wasn't really looking.  He also took a week to go down to Georgia to celebrate his 21st birthday with his brothers.  A week that was soaked in many doses and various kinds of alcohol.  This turned out to be a major theme for him. 

In the meantime, the weather got warm early around here so Kevin would mow the lawn for money.  I took him and bought him nice clothes to wear to interviews...which it turned out he really didn't need considering the job he got...they didn't really care what he wore to an interview.  I ended up buying him a few of the kinds of shirts he needed for his job.  He never paid me back.  That had been the deal. 

I also had taken him to a few colleges for info appts. to talk with counselors, etc.  I think once he got a look at the class schedule and realized he would have to actually do work and study he lost interest.  I am not sure what he had expected.  He also did not like the price and the fact that he would have loans to pay off once he was done.  Again...not sure what he had expected.

He then told me he still was most interested in going into the Air Force but he needed someone to help him study his math a little so that he could pass the entrance exam.  He had failed the math portion the first time he took it.  (I did not realize until later that the test was actually very simple and you have to be fairly dim not to pass...I got that info from my son's friend that is in the Army and he said, "if I could pass it, then anyone should be able to pass it"). 

That all turned out to be a lie, anyway.  He was just buying himself some time.  He had already made up his mind that he was going to move down to Georgia with his brothers so he could party like they did.  He just wanted more time at his job to save up money.

We found out via Troy's step-father  about Kevin's plans.  Kevin's mother (my husband's sister) had already told everyone else in the family what Kevin was going to do.  Kevin had not wanted to leave quite yet...he had not planned on leaving until mid-August.  But once we found out, he packed up his stuff and high tailed it out of here...leaving the BULK of his things sitting in that bedroom.  My husband told him he has until the end of August to clear it out of there or we will get rid of it.  Troy's sister thinks we ran Kevin out of here...I am sure that is the story Kevin gave her. 

Our son is disgusted becuz he, begrudgingly, included Kevin in what he was doing and introduced him to friends, etc.  He did complain about Kevin's drinking.  He leant Kevin money...which, surprisingly Kevin paid most of it back.  Now Kevin won't even talk to him.  Our son says that it isn't like they have anything in common but it is still pretty upsetting considering that he didn't do anything adverse to Kevin. 

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that it bothers me....all of it.  I am bothered by the fact that I felt  sorry for the little puke and brought him into our home and disrupted our lives and spent money on a project when we could have used that money for a weekend trip to Chicago that the kids wanted to do.  All of that when I KNEW what my husband's sister's family is like.  There was a reason why I ignored all of them for the past 2 years...I did not talk to his sister.  I avoided all of them. 

I thought this was something I was supposed to do.  I guess it was a lesson that I had to learn, all right.  I keep having to repeat that same lesson...there just is no helping some ppl...they are what they are and there is no changing them. 

In summation I think Kevin liked the IDEA of having a different life but when faced with it, it was something he would have to change for, also, and it made him uncomfortable.  He was used to working low paying jobs, barely getting by but it is okay as long as he can be drunk and high doing it. 

I will save the 'my job journey' portion for the next blog entry.