Backing It Up and Taking Another Route

    I am not sure what it was that brought this all up in my head.  I was trying to get the coffee together this morning and get my shower before sitting down at my computer for my first day back to work.  I was filling in my calendar of things I have to do and I remembered the letter to the ex sitting on the bar in my kitchen.  I was thinking about when I could mail it. Then...something began to flutter in my head and...

     I am NOT mailing that letter!  I feel good that I wrote it and the kids read it and they are glad to see me putting it all behind me but...would he care?  Or, most importantly, would it matter?  He is a narcissist.  When the kids tell him what they think about something and it is to put him back in his place, he will always say that I turned them against him.  He will always think that I am heart broken about losing him and jealous of whomever he is with and that I am trying to break them up.  He thinks quite a lot of himself that way.  AND if I send him that letter, he may view it as an olive branch...that I want us to be 'friends' and it will give him the idea that the door is open and we are 'joined'. 

     Nope.  TJ agreed with me. Bethany said it could be true and it may not matter if I send it.  TJ said that if it made me feel good to write it, then just let that be it.  And I am.  Done.  No letter sent. 

    Susan told me to not just throw it away but burn it because it would feel better.  But, you know...I really do not have that knot of anger anymore.  I can throw it away and forget it.  Silence is the best option.  NOW I feel better. 

     I am trying not to feel too anxious.  My calendar for work is filling up fast and I had to plot out a plan and I will need to stick to it if things are all going to get done on time.  Progress reports, IEPs, class plans....at least the first week back is testing week so I have some extra time to work on some things.  By the end of the week they will be dumping newly enrolled students in our laps and my dance card is pretty full already. 

     I counted...52 SCHOOL days until Spring Break.  Then we have a week of school followed by 3 weeks of state testing.  After State Testing we have almost a month of what I like to refer to as 'no man's land'.  The teachers let up on the class time and lessons and I am working with kids to salvage their 2nd semester grade.  There's Middle school meetings and school outings.  It could be fun.

     I also will need to decide of I am putting my house up for sale and moving somewhere else.  I think I am going to apply to a brick and mortar school system up where Susan works.  I probably stand a rat's ass of a chance of getting hired only because brick and mortar school systems think that online teachers don't do anything except monitor whether or not students do their work. 

    To quote Ricky Gervais, "I don't care."