Puny

     My son called me yesterday...twice.  Long diatribes.  Although I think 'diatribe' may sound a little harsh.  He came to a conclusion about his marriage...he needs to get out of it.  He also feels he needed to have never been in it.

    I gave him what I could in support yet trying to let him know that I know it is a difficult decision and will take courage to walk away.   He is not exactly sure where he is going to land.  I told him it will take him some time to figure it out.  I know his biggest concern is having a job.  So I sent him a few job openings up here...both of which pay better than what I am making.  Maybe I should apply for them myself?  *head slap*

     I called my mom in the afternoon and her voice sounded so puny...tired..defeated.  She said she WAS feeling worn out and tired of the life out there...that things are so difficult and people are mean.

     Susan has a close friend whose daughter is expecting her first child.  Susan's friend has stage 4 terminal cancer and is fighting to hang on. The hospital sent her home...where her husband is also dying from cancer. 

     My mom's pastor, Mike...whom I went to school with...he graduated the year before me...had a young son who died a long, painful death from cancer and the hospitals and doctors were so less than human because of insurance.  And HIS friend...and my cousin...Burton who had a son with encephalitis and died at the age of 12...the suffering.  Mike and Burton are both staunch Christians. Through everything they never gave up.

   My son does a lot of work with his church.  He reads his bible...he believes.  And his life has fallen apart. 

   I can't give up my faith, either.  However, I wonder....why?  What is the point of it all?

   And that is where my mom was yesterday afternoon. 

    I look around me and realize that I am blessed.  There were very hard places at times but nothing like dealing with the suffering and death of a child.

    And I sit here...looking out the window at a scene that looks like someone took a picture and put the black and white filter on it.  But it is just that way without the filter.  Soooo many shades of gray with a rain of white dots floating from the sky.  A blanket of white covering up everything like it never existed.    But at some point, it will melt and all the bad places will reappear.