Flu.
Now...to move on.
I knew it was going to come...my daughter was going to have a melt down. She missed a week of classes because of her flu. So, when she sat down at her computer to do her classwork, it wasn't long before she was coming unglued. I had to calm her down. She was feeling overwhelmed about the missing assignments that she had to catch up on, and she was not understanding the math because she missed two classes, and she didn't know how she was going to drive to the college downtown on her own and find her way around without Jordan if he had to quit because of a job, etc.
I told her to take a deep breath and back down. "First of all, you can only do what you can do. Don't put pressure on yourself about trying to get it all done for tomorrow. Do what you can and what you are not sure of you will find out in class. I have been there and sometimes I just need to be in class to get it figured out. As for math, if you are really not getting it, we will make you an appointment with a tutor. AND IF you end up having to finish the semester without Jordan, you will do it. He will make sure you understand the route to the parking garage and how to find your way around to classes. You CAN do this because you are smart and capable and you ARE your mother's daughter. You know some of what I have had to deal with and falling apart is not an option. First you accept what is, then you realize what you CAN do, figure out what you will have to spend more time on, but you make a plan and dig in." By now she had taken her place back in front of her computer, the tears had stopped, she sat up straight, put her shoulders back and I see her raise her chin. Calmer heads had prevailed.
Then she and Jordan returned from classes the next day, all worked up...wound up and loud. They went on about the psycho Lit instructor. They even brought her up on some site called 'Rate Your Instructor'. There were the same horrible reviews about this instructor on there dating back to 2002! From reading all of them, it backed up what Jordan and Bethany were telling me and I told them I would be afraid she would come into class one day and go postal on the group! They kept going on and on about her and getting louder and louder...over lapping each other's words...and I sat there feeling my insides coiling up and I finally felt like I was going to snap myself. My daughter recognized the look on my face and pushed Jordan downstairs.
Jordan texted me this morning to let me know he had a nice conversation this morning with the head of the department and got he and Bethany changed to another class at the same time. He is a good man.
In the meantime...I think my flu is morphing into bronchitis. I was supposed to go to dinner theater with Jean tonight but we had to move it forward 2 weeks so that I can recover. good times.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Centering
For years I have suffered with fibromyalgia. It really got bad for a while. The worst bouts of it seemed to be brought on by some over the top stress or anxiety. There must be something to that because since Darkness left, there has been less stress and less flare up of the fibro. Of course, not having the stress of my last job helped.
Then there is winter. January and February are the WORST months. I have suffered with SADD for longer than I can probably remember. Once Christmas is over, I want to go hibernate until the second week of March. I realize that big doses of vitamin D3 help. Or a light box.
Of course, BOTH aforementioned problems can be helped with exercise. Just because you KNOW something doesn't mean it solves the problem.
If it wasn't for the dogs, I would sleep...A LOT. But then again, it would become annoying after awhile because I don't want to sleep my life away.
With my son and his fiancee moved out, and it being down to me and Bethany and 3 dogs, it is becoming a bigger transition than I had thought it would be. I look in the fridge and feel somewhat anxious because I can actually SEE what all I have in there. It is looking almost minimalist. Then I realize it only has what she and I like in there. It is not holding a bazillion other things for 2 other people.
Also, I still eat meat, even though my daughter doesn't. So I did some meat shopping and realized I did it like I always did. Now I am pretty sure I have enough of it for me for over month. Oh well,, that should cut down on the food bill the next time out.
My daughter is going to have to get used to kicking in a little on the cleaning up around here. She has slid on it for a long time.
I am getting anxious about downsizing. I still have to wait for her to get out of college and get a job. She won't be done until August 2017. But in the meantime I am planning and scoping out types of houses and cost. I have been watching a lot of Tiny House Nation on TV. I am not sure I would want to downsize THAT much but a 2 bedroom place would work.
My other concern is this...my future DIL. Now that they have moved out, I am seeing it more than ever...my son has hooked himself up with a female version of his dad. She is selfish, snarky and manipulative. Nothing EVER seems to make her happy. He is doing everything anymore.
I pray. I want to say something to her but God may have other ways of dealing with it. I pray. I hate to see him get himself hitched to her. Then it will be many long years of misery and kids will come along and make it all much more of a struggle.
Darkness has no worries about any of it. He walked off. And even if he was here, I am not sure he would pay much attention. It is what he has always done...walk off and live in his own little world. Then he would show up only long enough to interject something about how badly I am handling things because it is all not some nice, neat, little problem free package....and make some observation that sounds like he is surprised that we were not sitting frozen in time while he was away.
Families and relationships are not for the selfish and self centered.
Then there is winter. January and February are the WORST months. I have suffered with SADD for longer than I can probably remember. Once Christmas is over, I want to go hibernate until the second week of March. I realize that big doses of vitamin D3 help. Or a light box.
Of course, BOTH aforementioned problems can be helped with exercise. Just because you KNOW something doesn't mean it solves the problem.
If it wasn't for the dogs, I would sleep...A LOT. But then again, it would become annoying after awhile because I don't want to sleep my life away.
With my son and his fiancee moved out, and it being down to me and Bethany and 3 dogs, it is becoming a bigger transition than I had thought it would be. I look in the fridge and feel somewhat anxious because I can actually SEE what all I have in there. It is looking almost minimalist. Then I realize it only has what she and I like in there. It is not holding a bazillion other things for 2 other people.
Also, I still eat meat, even though my daughter doesn't. So I did some meat shopping and realized I did it like I always did. Now I am pretty sure I have enough of it for me for over month. Oh well,, that should cut down on the food bill the next time out.
My daughter is going to have to get used to kicking in a little on the cleaning up around here. She has slid on it for a long time.
I am getting anxious about downsizing. I still have to wait for her to get out of college and get a job. She won't be done until August 2017. But in the meantime I am planning and scoping out types of houses and cost. I have been watching a lot of Tiny House Nation on TV. I am not sure I would want to downsize THAT much but a 2 bedroom place would work.
My other concern is this...my future DIL. Now that they have moved out, I am seeing it more than ever...my son has hooked himself up with a female version of his dad. She is selfish, snarky and manipulative. Nothing EVER seems to make her happy. He is doing everything anymore.
I pray. I want to say something to her but God may have other ways of dealing with it. I pray. I hate to see him get himself hitched to her. Then it will be many long years of misery and kids will come along and make it all much more of a struggle.
Darkness has no worries about any of it. He walked off. And even if he was here, I am not sure he would pay much attention. It is what he has always done...walk off and live in his own little world. Then he would show up only long enough to interject something about how badly I am handling things because it is all not some nice, neat, little problem free package....and make some observation that sounds like he is surprised that we were not sitting frozen in time while he was away.
Families and relationships are not for the selfish and self centered.
Friday, January 15, 2016
How to Save a Life
I like having kids that are young adults. I mean YOUNG adults. They know what's new out there...clothes, electronics, makeup, etc. They can explain some things to me and find out stuff that I just don't have the inclination to waste my time doing. To quote Adrian Monk, "If you do it, then I don't have to."
My son gave me the quick version of how to use my android when I first got it a year and half ago. At first I just sat there and poked at it. I had THE WORST time just trying to answer a call. I was angry that some things you tap once, some you tap twice, some things you slide, some you hold and then slide....blah blah blah. He said, "you know it came with an instruction book" I said, "But you ARE my instruction book." He rolled his eyes and wandered away.
Then there is my daughter who reads up on all things 'nutrition' and makeup. She is always trying to tell me what is good for me and why...as far as eating. Then, she tries various types of makeup and reads up on ingredients, etc. Just this week, because of her suggestions and her 'look', I bought 3 more kinds of makeup that I am loving..although one is a makeup and moisturizer combination:
Oil of Olay tone corrector CC cream moisturizer (hey, a 55 year old can use ALL the help she can get!), Maybelline FitME Matte and poreless powder, and Rimmel London Show Off Lip Velvet Matte Lip Gloss.
Okay, you are probably thinking, "how can it be a Matte lip GLOSS?" I thought the same thing. It goes on like a gloss, and feels like a gloss but it LOOKS like a matte lipstick. It stays on like a Matte lipstick but it doesn't dry out your lips.
Also, keep in mind that I am on a much reduced budget since the divorce and all of the things I bought were very inexpensive. You will also notice that I am not brand-loyal. Each brand of cosmetics has something I like. For instance, I like NYC City Proof mascara. I can build it up from day wear to a more dramatic night wear without it clumping up on me. It is also 'melt' proof. (I came across that bit of makeup by myself).
For my eyeliner, though, I use a liquid pen from Avon. My ex sister-in-law and friend, Belinda, sells it and I watch for the S&H free times or a really great sale. Then I buy a couple at a time.
My daughter also turned me on to Sinful Colors nail polish. LOTS of shades and wears for a LONG time. You can get sparkly, metallic and matte. I do my own nails. Never have gotten into the whole mani-pedi thing.
What do I help my young adults with? Life advice and showing them how to fix things. I think they have been inspired by mom to figure things out and do them yourself...or, find someone that has already figured it out and can give you verbal instructions and guidance.
I even showed my son how to recharge his car's AC. He said, "I appreciate you doing this WITH me cuz dad would have either just done it and NOT shown me OR would have told me to figure it out or take it to the mechanic."
My dad was impatient and didn't want to show me anything. So, when I saw him out in the garage or driveway working on one of the siblings' cars, I would meander out there, poke my head in and ask some questions...until he was ready to smack me with a crescent wrench. LOL
I just like knowing how to do things. And I like saving money.
I also like having my kids find things out FOR me. Save money...save time....save ME.
My son gave me the quick version of how to use my android when I first got it a year and half ago. At first I just sat there and poked at it. I had THE WORST time just trying to answer a call. I was angry that some things you tap once, some you tap twice, some things you slide, some you hold and then slide....blah blah blah. He said, "you know it came with an instruction book" I said, "But you ARE my instruction book." He rolled his eyes and wandered away.
Then there is my daughter who reads up on all things 'nutrition' and makeup. She is always trying to tell me what is good for me and why...as far as eating. Then, she tries various types of makeup and reads up on ingredients, etc. Just this week, because of her suggestions and her 'look', I bought 3 more kinds of makeup that I am loving..although one is a makeup and moisturizer combination:
Oil of Olay tone corrector CC cream moisturizer (hey, a 55 year old can use ALL the help she can get!), Maybelline FitME Matte and poreless powder, and Rimmel London Show Off Lip Velvet Matte Lip Gloss.
Also, keep in mind that I am on a much reduced budget since the divorce and all of the things I bought were very inexpensive. You will also notice that I am not brand-loyal. Each brand of cosmetics has something I like. For instance, I like NYC City Proof mascara. I can build it up from day wear to a more dramatic night wear without it clumping up on me. It is also 'melt' proof. (I came across that bit of makeup by myself).
For my eyeliner, though, I use a liquid pen from Avon. My ex sister-in-law and friend, Belinda, sells it and I watch for the S&H free times or a really great sale. Then I buy a couple at a time.
My daughter also turned me on to Sinful Colors nail polish. LOTS of shades and wears for a LONG time. You can get sparkly, metallic and matte. I do my own nails. Never have gotten into the whole mani-pedi thing.
What do I help my young adults with? Life advice and showing them how to fix things. I think they have been inspired by mom to figure things out and do them yourself...or, find someone that has already figured it out and can give you verbal instructions and guidance.
I even showed my son how to recharge his car's AC. He said, "I appreciate you doing this WITH me cuz dad would have either just done it and NOT shown me OR would have told me to figure it out or take it to the mechanic."
My dad was impatient and didn't want to show me anything. So, when I saw him out in the garage or driveway working on one of the siblings' cars, I would meander out there, poke my head in and ask some questions...until he was ready to smack me with a crescent wrench. LOL
I just like knowing how to do things. And I like saving money.
I also like having my kids find things out FOR me. Save money...save time....save ME.
Monday, January 11, 2016
I Like to Move It, Move It
The Post title is a lie. I DO NOT like to move. I am talking about moving furniture and belongings to another location.
I took Friday off from work (using one of my 3 personal days) to pick up the moving truck for my son, collect some furniture they ordered from a couple of stores on the way back to the house. Then, I helped them load it for hours that night. Went to bed at 2 am and was back up before 7. We loaded some last minute things and I drove the truck down the highway an hour south of here and into the apartment complex. Then, for the next 4 1/2 hours we unloaded.
Turns out the couch was too big (one of the ordered items I had picked up) to get through the doors. It also had some missing 'faux leather' on the corner of the arm. So, I got on the phone to the store to make sure they would take it back, and called the Uhaul to change the order from one way to round trip. I checked when their closing time was. We hustled the rest of the stuff off the truck.
My son and his fiancee were stuck there with the cable/internet installer. I took off and told them they had another hour but to let the guy know they had to leave by 6 so they could meet me at the Uhaul and pick me up.
I got the truck to the furniture store and they came out and unloaded the couch...but first they asked me if I would keep it if they gave me a discount. Um...nope. It was unloaded, Then I drove across the street to the Speedway and put the required amt of gas back in it. I also grabbed a cappuccino because I was kinda cold. The temp was upper 40's but I had realized I had left my hooded sweatshirt back at their apartment. I was wearing a short sleeved tshirt and jeans.
I hopped back in the truck and realized I had 11 minutes to get the truck down the road and into the Uhaul. I saw the lighted Uhaul sign and glanced at the clock...2 minutes left. I wheeled that thing into the parking lot and jumped out...after I put it in park and shut it down, of course.
Luckily there was a couple of hillbillies in there asking a bunch of questions trying to rent a truck. The poor girl behind the counter looked at me and mouthed "sorry". I just shrugged and shook my head with a smile. I called my son and he said he was in sight of the Uhaul sign and was pulling in.
I got my turn, paid the bill, and we took off for my house. My son had drove my SUV down behind the moving truck so this way he was going to get his car. I had him call the pizza place where my daughter's bf is the asst manager and order a pizza. We would make it back to town by the time the pizza was done.
I got to town, pulled in the pizza place parking lot and out the bf came with the pizza, handed it to me and said it was his treat.
I got home to clean up pools of poop. yay. My oldest dog had doggy flu. I had cleaned it up that morning too. It has taken 5 Imodium over 2 days to get it to quit. That is 2 weekends in a row with a dog with doggy flu. I still have another dog and I am going to need some more Imodium.
My house it emptying out.
In the meantime, there is a guy that has been bugging me every since he found out I got a divorce. I went to HS with him. But he has been pushing hard and it has really caused me anxiety...almost to the point of a panic attack. I just told him that we haven't really been around each other since HS and we have both changed. He got ticked off and told me that he got it..that he was just friend material. I told him that isn't what I said but he is pretty quick to pull the trigger. He told me that he had a crush on me way back then but I wasn't interested. He is much better looking now and my reluctance tells him enough. I told him that he has no idea who I am now. I just went through 25 years of emotional and mental abuse and manipulation and he should be able to understand that I am certainly not going to just jump into something.
Frankly, that whole situation right there is a pool of poop.
Jean and I made arrangements to go to dinner theater for our monthly girls' night out. I am looking forward to that. AND, if I stick to it, I will be going to the first of the year organizational meeting of the town theater players. I am not one to get on the stage but I would be happy to help out with costumes or scenery. A woman I know at my church kinda poked at me to do it...just to get out of the house and do something different. So, unless I am totally dead tomorrow night, I will try and make myself go try.
Also...the weather report: the day my son moved was the last decent day. The next day, the temps plummeted and it started snowing. Our winter weather waited all of this time while he was driving back and forth an hour each way for his new job. Now he is 7 miles away from work. AND his fiancee is about 15 minutes away from her new job.
My house is filthy and I have a 3 day weekend coming up. I will really need to do some massive cleaning. Oh well...no rest for the weary.
I took Friday off from work (using one of my 3 personal days) to pick up the moving truck for my son, collect some furniture they ordered from a couple of stores on the way back to the house. Then, I helped them load it for hours that night. Went to bed at 2 am and was back up before 7. We loaded some last minute things and I drove the truck down the highway an hour south of here and into the apartment complex. Then, for the next 4 1/2 hours we unloaded.
Turns out the couch was too big (one of the ordered items I had picked up) to get through the doors. It also had some missing 'faux leather' on the corner of the arm. So, I got on the phone to the store to make sure they would take it back, and called the Uhaul to change the order from one way to round trip. I checked when their closing time was. We hustled the rest of the stuff off the truck.
My son and his fiancee were stuck there with the cable/internet installer. I took off and told them they had another hour but to let the guy know they had to leave by 6 so they could meet me at the Uhaul and pick me up.
I got the truck to the furniture store and they came out and unloaded the couch...but first they asked me if I would keep it if they gave me a discount. Um...nope. It was unloaded, Then I drove across the street to the Speedway and put the required amt of gas back in it. I also grabbed a cappuccino because I was kinda cold. The temp was upper 40's but I had realized I had left my hooded sweatshirt back at their apartment. I was wearing a short sleeved tshirt and jeans.
I hopped back in the truck and realized I had 11 minutes to get the truck down the road and into the Uhaul. I saw the lighted Uhaul sign and glanced at the clock...2 minutes left. I wheeled that thing into the parking lot and jumped out...after I put it in park and shut it down, of course.
Luckily there was a couple of hillbillies in there asking a bunch of questions trying to rent a truck. The poor girl behind the counter looked at me and mouthed "sorry". I just shrugged and shook my head with a smile. I called my son and he said he was in sight of the Uhaul sign and was pulling in.
I got my turn, paid the bill, and we took off for my house. My son had drove my SUV down behind the moving truck so this way he was going to get his car. I had him call the pizza place where my daughter's bf is the asst manager and order a pizza. We would make it back to town by the time the pizza was done.
I got to town, pulled in the pizza place parking lot and out the bf came with the pizza, handed it to me and said it was his treat.
I got home to clean up pools of poop. yay. My oldest dog had doggy flu. I had cleaned it up that morning too. It has taken 5 Imodium over 2 days to get it to quit. That is 2 weekends in a row with a dog with doggy flu. I still have another dog and I am going to need some more Imodium.
My house it emptying out.
In the meantime, there is a guy that has been bugging me every since he found out I got a divorce. I went to HS with him. But he has been pushing hard and it has really caused me anxiety...almost to the point of a panic attack. I just told him that we haven't really been around each other since HS and we have both changed. He got ticked off and told me that he got it..that he was just friend material. I told him that isn't what I said but he is pretty quick to pull the trigger. He told me that he had a crush on me way back then but I wasn't interested. He is much better looking now and my reluctance tells him enough. I told him that he has no idea who I am now. I just went through 25 years of emotional and mental abuse and manipulation and he should be able to understand that I am certainly not going to just jump into something.
Frankly, that whole situation right there is a pool of poop.
Jean and I made arrangements to go to dinner theater for our monthly girls' night out. I am looking forward to that. AND, if I stick to it, I will be going to the first of the year organizational meeting of the town theater players. I am not one to get on the stage but I would be happy to help out with costumes or scenery. A woman I know at my church kinda poked at me to do it...just to get out of the house and do something different. So, unless I am totally dead tomorrow night, I will try and make myself go try.
Also...the weather report: the day my son moved was the last decent day. The next day, the temps plummeted and it started snowing. Our winter weather waited all of this time while he was driving back and forth an hour each way for his new job. Now he is 7 miles away from work. AND his fiancee is about 15 minutes away from her new job.
My house is filthy and I have a 3 day weekend coming up. I will really need to do some massive cleaning. Oh well...no rest for the weary.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Introductions are in Order
I couldn't sleep tonight. No reason that I know of. I have those nights.
I got up and I melted some butter and grabbed a hard roll and poured a partial glass of red wine. I put on a movie and dipped the roll, chewed on it, drank my wine and contemplated me...who I am, what I like...why.
I am jokes and joy. I look for the sunshine. I like to joke and laugh. I like a happy raucous mess.
I grew up in a house where things were intense yet my parents always made time for family things. They scrimped and saved and bought a used RV. We went on trips. My mother would plan meals, can ingredients. Then we would pack and take off. We traveled out to California a couple of times. We went to Florida at least 3 times, if not more. The one time we went to California we took a northern route and stopped at many places along the way. South Dakota, Wyoming, Idaho...down the Pacific coast...stopping in San Francisco. Then on to my aunt's house and Walt Disneyland. We stopped at other places on the way home in Nevada, Arizona, etc.
My mother was/is an intense person who worked hard, and controlled. She spoke her mind and sometimes it didn't come out too kind. She drove my dad because if left to his own devices he would do something like, oh, I don't know, REST.
My sisters...my oldest one has been through a lot, mainly from bad friends and bad choices. My youngest sister, while having a lot of things in common with me, insulated herself from everyone and played a guilt game on everyone. My brother just separated himself from the family. He still does.
My oldest sister criticizes everyone and everything. She can't relax and be happy.
My youngest sister and I share a weird sense of humor and can sit on the phone playing off of each other for the longest time. Then there is the other side of her...where she will complain about some of the most absurd things and if you offer her some advice she comes back with some reason why that won't work/help. So, we all quit and just let her say what she is going to say. You want to help in some way because you know she is overwhelmed but she has that terrible piece of personality that she inherited from our mom...just like me...where you get stubborn and have decided you can do it all without any help...to accept help is weakness.
My youngest sister and I also share weird likes. We both love the smell of Vicks Vapo Rub. We like to rub some under our noses at night.
We are also addicted to bread. She told me the other day that she loves bread so much that she has thought of buying herb infused oil and sit and dip bread in it and eat that for dinner...perhaps lunch and breakfast too. I like bread...just not that much. However, I do love crusty rolls. I like the chewy crust.
My mother never liked to have our friends around the house. Too much noise.
I wanted a house full of laughter. And sometimes I get that. My kid's friends...and we laugh. And we do it freely now and make noise. It can be chaotic and raucous and I like it.
I also like the calm that comes afterwards. I hate to see my son leave but I have heard too many loud voices from him and his fiancee. I don't want to hear any more arguing. I heard yelling in the house when I was growing up. I was always on edge wondering when my mom was going to go off because something wasn't done or done right.
My older sister did say once that they only laughed and had a good time when I came home to visit (after I had moved out on my own to a job and apartment an hour and a half away). As we have gotten older my mother loves it when we are all around the table and we start picking and joking with each other. Funny how that happens. She didn't like the noise when we were younger...now she wants to hear it from us.
I want to dance and sing and laugh. I want to hear happiness in my house. I want to eat bread and sniff Vicks. I want to talk a mile a minute and be silly like Gilmore Girls.
I want a guy that smiles about it all and wants to join in. I want a guy that will just stop and give me a hug as he is walking by on his way to do something important. He will take a deep breath and say, "you smell nice." A guy that will throw his arm over me at night as I sleep.
I may want too much. But it's a plan.
I got up and I melted some butter and grabbed a hard roll and poured a partial glass of red wine. I put on a movie and dipped the roll, chewed on it, drank my wine and contemplated me...who I am, what I like...why.
I am jokes and joy. I look for the sunshine. I like to joke and laugh. I like a happy raucous mess.
I grew up in a house where things were intense yet my parents always made time for family things. They scrimped and saved and bought a used RV. We went on trips. My mother would plan meals, can ingredients. Then we would pack and take off. We traveled out to California a couple of times. We went to Florida at least 3 times, if not more. The one time we went to California we took a northern route and stopped at many places along the way. South Dakota, Wyoming, Idaho...down the Pacific coast...stopping in San Francisco. Then on to my aunt's house and Walt Disneyland. We stopped at other places on the way home in Nevada, Arizona, etc.
My mother was/is an intense person who worked hard, and controlled. She spoke her mind and sometimes it didn't come out too kind. She drove my dad because if left to his own devices he would do something like, oh, I don't know, REST.
My sisters...my oldest one has been through a lot, mainly from bad friends and bad choices. My youngest sister, while having a lot of things in common with me, insulated herself from everyone and played a guilt game on everyone. My brother just separated himself from the family. He still does.
My oldest sister criticizes everyone and everything. She can't relax and be happy.
My youngest sister and I share a weird sense of humor and can sit on the phone playing off of each other for the longest time. Then there is the other side of her...where she will complain about some of the most absurd things and if you offer her some advice she comes back with some reason why that won't work/help. So, we all quit and just let her say what she is going to say. You want to help in some way because you know she is overwhelmed but she has that terrible piece of personality that she inherited from our mom...just like me...where you get stubborn and have decided you can do it all without any help...to accept help is weakness.
My youngest sister and I also share weird likes. We both love the smell of Vicks Vapo Rub. We like to rub some under our noses at night.
We are also addicted to bread. She told me the other day that she loves bread so much that she has thought of buying herb infused oil and sit and dip bread in it and eat that for dinner...perhaps lunch and breakfast too. I like bread...just not that much. However, I do love crusty rolls. I like the chewy crust.
My mother never liked to have our friends around the house. Too much noise.
I wanted a house full of laughter. And sometimes I get that. My kid's friends...and we laugh. And we do it freely now and make noise. It can be chaotic and raucous and I like it.
I also like the calm that comes afterwards. I hate to see my son leave but I have heard too many loud voices from him and his fiancee. I don't want to hear any more arguing. I heard yelling in the house when I was growing up. I was always on edge wondering when my mom was going to go off because something wasn't done or done right.
My older sister did say once that they only laughed and had a good time when I came home to visit (after I had moved out on my own to a job and apartment an hour and a half away). As we have gotten older my mother loves it when we are all around the table and we start picking and joking with each other. Funny how that happens. She didn't like the noise when we were younger...now she wants to hear it from us.
I want to dance and sing and laugh. I want to hear happiness in my house. I want to eat bread and sniff Vicks. I want to talk a mile a minute and be silly like Gilmore Girls.
I want a guy that smiles about it all and wants to join in. I want a guy that will just stop and give me a hug as he is walking by on his way to do something important. He will take a deep breath and say, "you smell nice." A guy that will throw his arm over me at night as I sleep.
I may want too much. But it's a plan.
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