Centering

For years I have suffered with fibromyalgia.  It really got bad for a while.  The worst bouts of it seemed to be brought on by some over the top stress or anxiety.  There must be something to that because since Darkness left, there has been less stress and less flare up of the fibro.  Of course, not having the stress of my last job helped.

Then there is winter.  January and February are the WORST months.  I have suffered with SADD for longer than I can probably remember.  Once Christmas is over, I want to go hibernate until the second week of March.  I realize that big doses of vitamin D3 help.  Or a light box.

Of course, BOTH aforementioned problems can be helped with exercise. Just because you KNOW something doesn't mean it solves the problem.

If it wasn't for the dogs, I would sleep...A LOT.  But then again, it would become annoying after awhile because I don't want to sleep my life away.

With my son and his fiancee moved out, and it being down to me and Bethany and 3 dogs, it is becoming a bigger transition than I had thought it would be.  I look in the fridge and feel somewhat anxious because I can actually SEE what all I have in there.  It is looking almost minimalist.  Then I realize it only has what she and I like in there.  It is not holding a bazillion other things for 2 other  people.

Also, I still eat meat, even though my daughter doesn't. So I did some meat shopping and realized I did it like I always did.  Now I am pretty sure I have enough of it for me for over month.  Oh well,, that should cut down on the food bill the next time out.

My daughter is going to have to get used to kicking in a little on the cleaning up around here.  She has slid on it for a long time.

I am getting anxious about downsizing.  I still have to wait for her to get out of college and get a job. She won't be done until August 2017.  But in the meantime I am planning and scoping out types of houses and cost.  I have been watching a lot of Tiny House Nation on TV.  I am not sure I would want to downsize THAT much but a 2 bedroom place would work.

My other concern is this...my future DIL.  Now that they have moved out, I am seeing it more than ever...my son has hooked himself up with a female version of his dad.  She is selfish, snarky and manipulative.  Nothing EVER seems to make her happy.  He is doing everything anymore.

I pray.  I want to say something to her but God may have other ways of dealing with it.  I pray.  I hate to see him get himself hitched to her.  Then it will be many long years of misery and kids will come along and make it all much more of a struggle.

Darkness has no worries about any of it.  He walked off.  And even if he was here, I  am not sure he would pay much attention.  It is what he has always done...walk off and live in his own little world. Then he would show up only long enough to interject something about how badly I am handling things because it is all not some nice, neat, little problem free package....and make some observation that sounds like he is surprised that we were not sitting frozen in time while he was away.

Families and relationships are not for the selfish and self centered.