Yesterday I got a lot of emails from Evil Spawn. They reminded me of someone trying to ease himself into the pool...first stick the end of a toe in...pull it back...then put the foot in...leave it there...then the other foot...then start slowly putting more and more of yourself into the water.
He started out with, again, his apology. This time with a different tack (after I told him it isn't an apology if he is still blaming someone else). He went on about how it WAS his choices...he made bad ones.
Each email was a bit more...a bit further. Somewhere in there he told me he still loved me...he thinks I am beautiful...and he made a mistake when he denied things he said..then he instantly backed up and admitted, well, he DID say it but he never really thought it.
I woke up feeling not so good to begin with. By this point I was ready to spew.
I think the thing that really KILLED it was the "I am going to straighten myself out. I need to do some spring cleaning and I will be that guy you used to love." "The divorce was a mistake." (I'm thinking no)
sigh...(head banging on the desk)
He is just wanting someone to prop him up. He is feeling stressed out, tied up in a knot, and alone. This too shall pass. And he WILL put himself together, then go out there and find another. It would be at that point where he would start criticizing me again (because that was what took the place of picking up another one). He would be wanting to go out and find another one but he realized he was 'stuck' with me so he would take it out on me.
I just told him that the ones he REALLY needs to try and work things out with is his kids. I don't care what Thug Life said about me or to me. I knew she was a pile of crap so I didn't expect any different. BUT he let her malign his kids and he told them that he was sorry if they didn't like her but they would either come to accept her or too bad. It was none of their business.
I am not sure how he would go about rebuilding that house. I can walk away from him, and that is fine. But these are his kids. He hurt them. He has NEVER thought about how what he did or said made them feel. Nor did he seem to care.
I told him he really needs to seek counseling. He has a lot of crap swimming around in his head from his childhood and teenage abuse. HOWEVER, that doesn't buy him a free ride of more chances. He has been given lots of chances and he has squandered them. He does not get an endless supply.
I didn't hear anything out of him today. It was Bethany's bday. He DID call her and he told her that he sent her an email. Bethany said evidently he sent it to her old email address and she can't get into it. I told her she should text her new email address to him. Only if she wants to read the email.
I did take a video of everyone around the table as she opened her presents and cards. I sent it to Beth's phone and told her it was her choice if she wants to share it with her dad. I don't know where she is with him.
In the meantime, I am getting anxious because just as I was getting comfortable with my job the way it was, it is changing and I have a whole new bunch of things to learn.
I am thankful for my job. I honestly am. I am just not feeling very well.
When do things get calm and boring again?
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