Wringing of the Hands

I wish I could lose weight by doing mental pacing.  I have been trying to quash the anxiety.  I have been praying ceaselessly.  I have others praying for me.

I have heard NOTHING from either place I interviewed with last week.  No phone call, no email, no letter in the mail.  Nothing. 

For the past couple of days I have been calling and emailing them.  I have filled out other applications. 

Last night I prayed to God for at least some encouragement...let me know that things are being worked out and they will be okay. 

Then this morning, out of the blue, just as I finished my morning prayer I got a message through my FB messenger from a HS classmate that has retired from teaching and just started preaching.  He told me that he felt led to pray for me this morning.  Then, a few hours later, I got another FB message from a woman that I knew from a church 'back home' that I haven't spoken with in YEARS...she told me she felt there was something I was struggling with and she felt led to pray for me.  I thanked the HS classmate and told him that, yes, I was waiting on God to bring a much needed change into my life.  And I explained to the woman what was going on and she was thrilled to know that she had gotten the message right from God and was going to pray more fervently now that she knew what she was praying about.

I took those 2 messages of prayer as my sign of assurance from God.  I am not stressing for the rest of the day, at least, because I know that God is working something out for me, and it will be just right at just the right time.

I also have discovered something else that God has done for me...He has deadened the anger and the hurt.  I no longer feel like lashing out at Evil Spawn.  I can see signs of things becoming unsettled in his life again.  I take no pleasure in it.  I just shake my head and shrug my shoulders and look the other way.  Bethany and I had another discussion last night and she supported what I always thought and felt...I was the one that was his conscience and knocked him back on the right path.  Without me he would make stupid decisions and find trouble.  She is also seeing a black cloud on the horizon for him.  He is not making the sane decisions of a mature 50 year old person. 

I lost my baby sitting job.  I warned him of what would become of his actions and all he did was get mad at me.  My last words to him were, "but I shouldn't have to tell you any of this...you ARE a big boy, you should be able to figure it out."  And he either will, or drown in the muck. 

I am just clinging to God and His promises.  It is going to work.  It may not be MY plan but it will be a plan that works.

EDIT:  It was just after I posted this that I checked my email.  I finally heard back from the woman heading the dept at the online school I interviewed with.  She told me that my interview was great and I was recommended for hire.  She told me they are working on offers to send out and I should hear from them next week.  YAY!!!!  Just in the nick of time! GOD IS GOOD!!!  He kept my head above water!