The Struggle with Humanity

First week of my new job.  Lots of training and a struggle.  I got hit with some sort of 'bug'.  Thursday I spent the day battling with what felt like a terrible sinus infection kind of headache.  As the evening came, it became more.  Every muscle in my body hurt.  By Friday it was the head, the stomach, every joint and nerve.  I found it difficult to get through my day.  Yesterday it wasn't as painful so I went out in the yard and worked in the heat.  My yard has had too much neglect and I am going to have to find some time each evening to tackle some part.  The constant rain this summer has made it difficult but we seem to be slowing down on the rain.

Friday TJ had to go to the courthouse with his fiancée.  Her sister had gone to the police department a week and a half ago and filed charges against her and seeking a restraining order.  They had had an argument and did some pushing and shoving.  The two had never gotten along and according to my son's accounts of his observations, her sister has a thug attitude and never tried to be nice to Brit.  She has accused Brit of many things over the years which Brit has proved to not be true.  The mother does nothing about any of it and lately has accused Brit of being full of the devil and evil.  Brit left the Pentecostal church the family had attended and has been going to a Bible church with TJ.  It all seems like a compaign against Brit for leaving the Pentecostal church.  When TJ started dating Brit and I found out she was going to Pentecostal church, I raised my eyebrows and it raised the hairs on the back of my neck.  I wanted him to run in the opposite direction.  Right away Brit's mom started attacking him for not 'believing' as he should. 

Anyway, the court told Brit she had 2 choices...either get a lawyer and go to court OR sign a paper agreeing to stay away from her sister and THE HOUSE for 5 years.  She was told that by doing that she would not have a misdemeanor on her record.  AFTER she signed it she was then told that she would have a domestic violence charge show up on background checks for 5 years.   And this was her sister.  I cannot fathom this type of family dysfunction.

I am in my own struggle with trying to find real forgiveness in my heart for my ex.  I was especially convicted this morning during a Charles Stanley sermon about forgiving.  God has forgiven me for everything...I am to forgive my ex.  My struggle is trying to separate forgiveness from other feelings.  I can forgive him without loving him.  I just am having trouble  with separating the two.  This is a journey and God will reveal it to me.