Review from the Depths

I look back...standing on the summit right now.  Actually, not sure I would call it the summit...feel like I am waiting to climb to the next level.  Anyhow...I am not taking advice from Boston...I am looking back.

I think when Evil Spawn lost his job with Rockwell-Collins he began to think then how he could hardly wait to run.  I knew at that time that everything had changed in my world.  I just didn't realize how much it would be.

So...I look at my mom at the end of 2013 finding out she had breast cancer and would have to have a mastectomy.  She faced that in January of 2014.  She made it through but faced months of deep depression.  As the weather got warmer, she brightened.  And being the stubborn, strong willed woman that she is, she decided not to let it slow her down.  She created her own rehab.

Somewhere in the beginning of summer her remaining brother's (uncle Kenneth) house caught fired and burned down. He escaped with his dog. He was 91.  He spent some time living with a couple different grandkids but he needed more care than they could give him so they checked him into the county home.  He was physically abused there and ended up in the hospital.  He died from his injuries.  That was about October.

In the meantime, in mid July I lost my job and a week later my ex told me he wanted a divorce. 

A few more weeks after that my father was in the hospital with a clot in his leg from ankle to groin and it was touch and go about his life.  After a few weeks of care and medications and an operation that cleared the clot out, he was home.

A bit more than a month later and my divorce was final.   Then I descended into my own depression. 

I wondered why I was so depressed and there could be so many reasons, I suppose.

Then I read about Jared Padalecki.    He has what most people would think is a great life...marvelous wife, hit show, lots of money, etc...yet he battles depression.  He has set up the Always Keep Fighting campaign to help people that fight depression and self mutilation. 

I know that I really need to find the right kind of doctor that will give me the right kind of help.  I have tried medication that other doctors have given me for depression in the past but they were just general medical doctors prescribing stuff.  None of that stuff worked very well or just created other problems.  I would like to know what it would be like to feel 'normal' most of the time.  I might actually be able to accomplish some things.