In the aftermath of a divorce there is a lot of flipping and flopping. I try to remember the bad times to make myself feel better about being divorced. Then I try to remember the good times so I don't feel bad about being married to him for 25 years.
But then it just comes down to this...when he said we had different agendas he was right. He liked being free to spend lots of time hanging out with 'the guys' and drinking and smoking dope. I liked having a family and wanted a HUSBAND...someone that actually liked spending his time WITH ME. He always got what he wanted...but was mean with me because he actually did feel guilty about it and blamed me for the feeling.
I said something to a woman that attends my church about hoping that someday I would find a guy that had a good sense of humor and wanted a woman to love, spend his time with, and share things with. Her reply was, IF it is in God's plans, you will find him.
I know about God's plans and it isn't that I don't have faith...but I refuse to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want a partner YET...but at some point...somewhere in the last half of next year it would be nice to meet someone. Even by the time summer comes...I want to move on and have someone to move on with.
Thanksgiving was so wonderful...TJ was here with his fiancée, Bethany was here and her boyfriend came...his dad was working and his mom and her new family either weren't doing anything OR she didn't invite him to join them. I think he was relaxed and enjoyed himself. I know he ate A LOT! LOL We all sat around the table and talked and joked and it was very relaxed. There was no one picking about how someone was holding their spoon, or if they were eating too quickly, or eating too much, or talking too much...etc. It was just us enjoying ourselves.
Time to start new traditions or slightly alter old ones. This is my new world. Constantly changing but hopefully for the positive.
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