Hurry Up and....blech

Two weeks...went without getting a call/text/email from him for 2 weeks and 2 days.  Then he called.  I let it go to VM.  He left a VM.  So...I listened to the VM.  And it happened.

I had forgotten all about that feeling.  I could tell by his tone of voice he was perturbed...probably because I wouldn't answer the phone.  He HATES that.  But just hearing that tone of voice, or maybe just hearing his voice anyway, I got the tight, panicky feeling in my chest.  I haven't felt that in 2 weeks and I have hardly thought anything of him.  And in half of a minute I was taken back to it. 

It wasn't anything important...I texted him and told him to mail it to me and I'd take care of it. 

He's probably still aggravated.  Then again, perhaps he is just as happy not to talk with me either.

I can giggle over some things now.  I told by one of my gf from back home, who is going through the same thing with her EX husband that since he is going to haul away the bed in May when he comes to get his other stuff that I should pee on if first.  I laughed so hard I almost did!  Then she said to never mind because she is in that weird frame of mind right now.  They still have 2 girls in HS and she is having to get another lawyer to take him back to court because he isn't paying his child support.  She exchanged diet and exercise info with me.  And I told her a few things about my defunct marriage that a lot of people back home don't know about Troy's behavior.  The minister at our church back home thought Troy was a great guy. Deb asked me if the pastor knows about Troy now?  I said, "nope"  not telling HIM.  She said, "well, WE know. " 

I have had a few people tell me this week that I am an inspiration because I have been keeping busy and doing things..trying to make some effort to move on with my life.  And I don't feel that way.  I am just trying to keep busy to keep myself from wallowing in the hole of depression/anxiety and despair.  It is not my favorite place to be.  Besides, the world has little sympathy and waits for no one. 

I have gotten out in the last week and joined in on bible study groups and a women's bible book study group.  Then I hit the wall...came down with some sort of bug.  I want to keep moving about but it has made me achy, stuffy and miserable.  I will move my butt every now and then and do some here and there...but not all that much.  I opted to stay home from church and bible study today.  I don't want to pass around germs out there when so many people have jobs they have to be well for and no one has time to be ill.  I always hated when people would come to church when they were obviously sick and pass it around to everyone. 

Onward and upward.  On to the next thing.  yay.