Gaining Some Perspective...Any Perspective

1) I am better off than most women concerning this divorce. Most of them have had to move out of the house and find another place to go...and with children. Most of them had husbands that fought to give them nothing. Most of them had their divorces dragged out for a long time. Most of them had husbands that had a girlfriend ready to move in right behind them. 2) I was given LOTS of advice on terrible things to do to get back at Troy. I had no reason to listen or give any of it a thought. He didn't deserve it and I would not waste the energy on it or the time being such a mean person. It serves no purpose. Because he wanted a divorce? That is supposed to be the reason for that? hardly. 3) Most women go through the same crap in their minds that I did: "maybe if I earned money he wouldn't have left" "maybe if I was thinner he wouldn't have left" "Maybe if I was a better housekeeper he wouldn't have left" I learned that from listening to other divorced women in group. We are all wired the same. My thoughts on that...if those things are all that it takes to level a marriage then there wasn't unconditional love. I am coming to the conclusion that unconditional love is a rare thing. 4) ALL women...not one has deviated from this...say the same thing: "I needed more affection...cuddling. Just to hold me so I felt comfort, love, and safe. But he never did that unless he wanted sex. I tried to tell him and he never seemed to hear me. It made me feel like a piece of meat. It made me want sex less and he didn't get what he wanted either." 5) Men do NOT get it. about the cuddling. I thought there was something wrong with ME until I heard that. But no...it is a universal man/woman thing and if no one takes the time to give each other what the other one needs, there is going to be a lot more divorces in this country. It is amazing to me that ANYONE is married! 6) Communication...besides the cuddling there was lack of communication. In 8 out of 10 cases that I listened to, it was the man that resisted counseling to fix the communication problems. It was too much work. But relationships of any kind take work...if you care, if you love, if you want to hang on to it. But if life is too much work then be alone. So...after all the 'advice' and other 'friends' points of view...sharing of experiences...attending a divorce group counseling session (via online recording)...I found way too many similarities. So it comes down to this...it was not an US thing...it is a Man/Woman thing. You either wanted to be the exception or the rule. Troy chose to be the rule. I am choosing to not have to make that choice again because evidently men that choose to be the exception are very few and far between and I don't want to end up with another one that would rather give up and be the rule. I will be content with the fact that the terms of my divorce is not the rule and I have it easier than most. and that whole thing right there is just sad. I don't think anyone would LIKE to be alone but apathy and laziness have taken over and replaced real love.