Deep Freeze

I must clarify something from the previous post..

I do NOT expect my ex to help with any payments on repairs or anything else.  He told me he would help out when/if he could.  I hate asking.  But right now I still need some help.  I AM grateful when he does help.  I always send him an email and thank him for his help.  I know he doesn't HAVE to help in any way.  I also know that him being willing to help and actually helping are unprecedented. 

Throughout this whole divorce, and in its aftermath, I have been given 'advice' from lots of other women that have gone through this, on what to do, how to act, etc.  I have listened and I have picked out the practical pieces, the pieces that are not emotional knee-jerk reactions, and considered the advice.  I have tried NOT to let my emotions take over.  It was because I tried to think with a clear head that I do believe I was able to come to a dissolution agreement with him so fast and get this whole thing over with.

If there is one thing that God has taught me in the last 25 years of marriage is to be level headed and not let emotions get in the way of what I really needed to do. 

I do wish, right now, however, that I had someone to kick my butt about twice a day to keep me moving and accomplish things.  There is SO much to do...both concerning the house and my own future.  Today I am going to work on accomplishing more for my future.  I am actually going to work on it all this weekend.  I have more job applications to work on and a college class app that needs attending.  I have the college thing all set up I just need to do some more with the app.  I pray that I am doing the right thing but I really feel that I am.  If it isn't right then I pray that God upsets the apple cart. 

I know that for me to truly move on with my life I need to get going on a job.  I have had several people advise me to just stay on unemployment until it runs out but I am having a difficult time seeing the wisdom in that.  I want to DO something. 

On another subject...my daughter was telling me that Emily had no where to go for Thanksgiving.  Emily is a girl she works with and her family attends our church.  I don't know if it was a year or TWO ago that Emily announced to her parents that she was gay.  They threw her out of the house.  She has been on her own and working to get through college. 

I was so disappointed in them.  I told Bethany that, even though I have my stance on the whole gay issue that I do, born from my religious beliefs, that is definitely NOT the good Christian thing to do.  I told her that even if she or her brother had told me she/he was gay, I would NOT kick them out of the house.  The preacher of a church I attended growing up did that to his one son after he announced he was gay. 

So I told Bethany if she wanted to invite Emily here for Thanksgiving she was welcome to do so.  We have plenty of room at our table.  I may not agree with the lifestyle but I am not dismissive of people because of it.  I think the ONLY people that I would not allow at my table are murderers and pedophiles.   Those kinds of behaviors are heinous. 

At this point it seems that we will have Bethany, Jordan, Brit, and TJ here for dinner.  I do hope Emily comes.  If we happen to have other strays along the way join us, then the more the merrier.  I LOVE Thanksgiving and the cooking, etc. 

I don't know what Troy is doing for Thanksgiving.  I imagine he will be having dinner with his divorced party buddies.  And I imagine he will be doing most of the cooking.  I sometimes really do wonder if he is gay and he has never been able to admit it.  It would explain some things. 

Anyhoo...with the possibility of a new person being in my home for the holidays, that gives me renewed purpose to do some more 'fixing' on my home.  There are things that need to be done around here and I have a target reason and date to get them done.  I guess I'd better get busy!

Addition:  As I was moving around and pondering today, it came to me that God gave me for which I was praying for so long:  a home and calm.  I have my home here, and now it is calm.  God doesn't work things out to end in divorce but if the other person makes it happen, and you have faith in God, he will work out for YOU.  He has worked it out for me.  I keep thinking about me losing my job at the electric company.  It was not a great place, I hated it.  I think God realized if He didn't take that job away from me, and Troy divorced me, I would stay locked in that soul sucking job and not gotten out and done something that I am SUPPOSED to do.  I am not really sure, yet, what that is but, as I said...have faith.  He will work it out.  My whole life has been a work in progress and it might have been somewhere better a very long time ago but I insisted on the detour that took me the long way around and into some pretty dark valleys for the last 25 years.  Now that part of the trip is over. 

AND ANOTHER THING...I was kind of finding it funny today about something.  I remember telling Bethany that she is an adult now and she doesn't need to ask my permission to go to a friend's for the night.  I pretty much had to let Troy know that, while I find it so very nice and I was so appreciative of the fact that he paid for the water heater, he really is not obligated to do anything like that.  I will ask him if he can help me with big things like that if I need help but we ARE divorced.  I was looking back at the text messages and the emails and he almost sounded like he felt that he is obligated and must pay at least half on repairs to the house.  While the kids live here, they are adults also.  Perhaps he feels some obligation because his name is still on the deed/mortgage?  I don't know.  I guess he is still adjusting to divorce also.