Unbelievable Novel

I had to take the time to give the Almost-Ex-Spouse advice on how to have a relationship with his offspring.  Our son will be turning 24 next month and our daughter will be 19 and NOW he is worried about having a relationship with them. 

He must have actually paid attention and is giving some consideration to what I am telling him.  I send it in an email after he had responded to an email I had sent asking him a simple question.  His response included a whine about how he hoped in time we could be friends and that he was sad because he will probably never have a  relationship with his kids.  I read it, thought about it, sighed and replied with directions on what he needed to do to have a relationship with his kids.  I also included a paragraph as to why he and I will never be friends.  I can be friendLY but not his friend.  That's as close as I'm going to get to that. 

I had to let him know, also that I paid the gas bill and it is being transferred to my name.  I have all the other utilities in my name already.

I also had to send a txt to remind him about the satellite radio subscription for my car.  I remembered it was supposed to end soon and he has always taken care of it.  I told him to make sure it cancels because they do an automatic renewal.  That text msg was evidently the tipping point because then he CALLED.  drat.

He discussed how to communicate with the kids and make sure I didn't want the satellite radio anymore.  I assured him it was nice but I didn't have long distances to travel, I can use the regular radio and I have an Ipod I connect and listen to.

I then went on to the grocery store.  I have this app on my phone that reads outloud any text msgs I receive.  It wasn't long before I heard the frog croak noise I use to announce an incoming txt msg and I heard the voice tell me it was a message from Troy and it told me he had renewed my satellite radio until January. 

Now I have to make a note on my calendar to call them in January to cancel it. 

I absolutely do NOT get it.  He is being nicer and doing more for me NOW, without complaining and yelling about it, than he has in our 25 years of marriage.  Honestly, once this dissolution is final I don't want to hear from him!  Just pay the alimony every month and leave me ALONE! 

I know I shouldn't complain that he is being so nice and generous but if you had to put up with someone constantly complaining to you/about you and yelling and just stomping through the house and bullying for 25 years and THEN as you are getting a divorce he is SUDDENLY the guy you SHOULD have been married to for 25 years, it would bug the bejesus out of you too!

I was thinking about my life over just the last month and a half and realized that I have read books and seen movies where the main character's life had a whole bunch of things go wrong all at once and I would think, "That's a bit over the top.  I could feel sympathy for that person without all of THAT."  I can almost chuckle at the realization that it really does happen. 

My dad is still not out of the woods.  It looks like he may have to have an artery replaced in his leg. The blood thinners are not able to get rid of the clot quickly enough and it may not ever be totally gone.  My mother is done in.  I am making plans on going up to visit them over Labor Day weekend.

I am still working on getting my own act together.  I have been in 'mourning' for a long time now.  Longer than I feel I should have been.  I can actually feel the gloom starting to lift. 

One thing that is helping me get past and move on is that, after Troy apologized for the irritatingly millionth time (almost that many) for hurting me and having such bad timing, I told him to QUIT apologizing and quit feeling guilty.  I told him we both know it was a lousy marriage and that he at least had the gonads to pull the plug on it.  I just always was afraid to because I could never actually let go of the idea that it could still be revived.  So he is doing us both a favor. The only thing he should feel bad about is the timing.  But I can even sort of understand that.  At least he is making sure things are taken care of and that me and the kids will be okay, financially. 

I really am just beyond the anger.  The hurt may remain because it is a human thing...feeling of rejection.  Even though it is all for the best.  And there is a feeling of failure because something you worked to hang on to for so long slipped away anyways.  However, that will pass at some point too.  And I may find someone else and actually enjoy my life.  Life has new possibilities. 

I am glad to be rid of the anger.  However, I am finding myself feeling hollow.  I would like to regain my joy.  This too will take time.  I want to joke around like I used to.  I want to look forward to doing things. 

I have joined some singles groups but have yet to actually get out and attend any of the meetups.  There is one at a comedy club at the end of the month but I was planning on visiting my parents then.  There are a few other things but they always seem to be at a time when I have actual plans for something else.  I will get there.

For now, I have a yard to get in order and a basement that needs a major cleanout.