#3

They say bad things happen in 3's.  I was afraid it would be my son's job. 

I got up this morning feeling 'normal' again.  Energetic, hopeful...ready to take on the day and get things accomplished.  I got on my knees and said a major prayer for TJ.  Then I went off to run some errands...get a hair cut.  I got a call from TJ letting me know he finally heard from the new job and they cleared him to come in and fill out employment papers and start work.  YES!  Things were going to change!

I had written a long email to my almost-ex-monster-spouse yesterday.  It was cathartic.  I let out ALL of my true thoughts and feelings that I had about the last 25 years and his behavior towards me and his family.  I did not send it.  Will not send it.  It just made me feel SO much better. 

Yep, things were getting better.

Then I called my mom to share my son's good news.  She answered her phone crying.  I thought my Aunt Doris had passed..she has been fighting double pneumonia.  But it was my dad.  He was rushed to the hospital with a blood clot.  It is in his leg and so big it is blocking his platelets.  His heart rate is down.  They will be operating tomorrow to put in a screen to catch the clot as it breaks up once they administer the drugs to break it up and dissolve it.

I txted AEMS to tell him that TJ was cleared to work the new job and told him about my dad.

He called me on his way home from work to ask about my dad then segued into letting me know what property he wants from the house.  I told him this wasn't the time and got off the phone.

Then, being overwhelmed with emotions and anger...I started anger txted him. For instance, I told him he should be very glad he is all the way in Wichita right now because I would slap his face right of his head.  There was a lot of other things but I guess since he now knows how angry I am then when he gets the papers he will be angry too...or shaking in his shorts cuz he knows how I am when I'm angry. 

Anger is not an emotion I am comfortable with.  I don't wear it well.  It creates some uncontrollable actions and I don't like to put myself in that place.  Really. 

I told the assistant pastor at my church that I wanted to do some writing again but I couldn't do it in this state of mind.  He told me it might be good for me to do.  I really wouldn't want to read the book that comes out of this.  However, if I start it in anger I can go back to it in a better state of mind and turn it into tongue in cheek humor.  It still might make some ppl uncomfortable. 

There are things I can think of that I said to him when I was really angry like when he complained that I was losing his socks in the laundry and that never happened when he washed his own clothes.

Please...when was the last time you even did laundry???  And what about the fact that you could have possibly dropped one while packing to leave the hotel room?  OF COURSE you didn't leave anything behind because you are too perfect for that! 

I didn't say anything like that.  What I DID say was this: "damn...you caught me.  I have been trying to drive you just a bit nutty a little at a time by throwing one sock away every once in a while.  It is my only source of entertainment."

or when he accused me of losing one of his shirts...or that his son must have it in one of his drawers.  I would go in his office closet or office or bedroom closet and TADA...there it was.  Then I told him I hid it on purpose...again...to drive him nuts.  I just wanted to know how long it would take him to notice it was missing.

Guess I won't miss those times...but it would be kinda funny in a book.

I COULD write a book about a woman married to an asshole and actually does all the stuff I've thought of that would make me giggle and drive him nuts.  Nuttier. 

Tomorrow I am going to probably post a copy of the email I wrote him but didn't send.