Agitator

So, the Almost-ex-spouse is actually being very generous and helpful.  I don't have to worry about the roof over my head or the utilities...for the first year.  Then for the next 4 I still don't have to worry about the roof over my head.  I get everything in the house...except his office.  He put the kids on his insurance.  I get his retirement CD. 

Here's the problem...I don't mean to be cynical but I HAVE been married to the guy for 25 years and he is very bipolar and he is a bully.  So...why is he being so nice?  And I do mean nice because he calls me and TALKS to me.  Not AT me.  He wants to have conversations.  He wants us to be, hack ack, FRIENDS. 

REALLY?  I can be civil and I can be 'nice' but I cannot be his friend.  25 years of crap and a few weeks of nice and he thinks I can be his friend.  The Bible says turn the other cheek but it doesn't mean I have to stand within striking distance.

He has called me more in the last few days than he has in the last 2 months!  He has talked to me like someone he LIKES and respects.  After all the crap I have had to listen to from him over the years and the way he has treated me, now he expects me to be all sweet and 'sure we can be best friends and we can talk any time you want!" 

I told him something I know is going to bug him...even though he asked me for a divorce...I know how he works and it seems to be a family trait.  I told him that I am not handling being alone as well as I thought I would.  I left the idea in the air that I may be moving on.  He may not want me but he won't like the idea of being replaced.  I have not received a response from him. 

Even if he changed his mind about wanting this dissolution, I will not.  I remember too well the last 25 years.  I remember the bullying, the drugs, the yelling, etc.  And while, for some inexplicable reason, I am having mental and emotional difficulty with the idea of being single again, I will not turn back.  I will come around and find my footing.  I will be okay.  Better without him.  It is what I have wished for off and on for many years.  Now I am getting that wish and I remember why I made that wish. 

I think he may have someone in the wings.  Or at least is waiting to shoot out there and find someone.  I hope he can find someone and be happy. 

Okay...I may not be feeling generous enough for that last bit there. Not yet. 

Right now what he says and what he does makes no sense to me.  I do know one thing...he need to quit calling me.  I find it agitating.