And when I am not feeling well...and tired...I find myself resting in the depression zone. I throw myself a lot of pity parties in my mind. I do not find pity parties fun.
I also came to another thought about myself. I have been beating myself up over my weight. It took me 25 years to get here. The doctor said my blood work is great, my lungs sound great, my heart sounds strong, my blood pressure is great...he says I am keeping myself healthy...despite my weight. I know I am a pretty good person to be around. So, if the weight comes off...great. If I don't lose much...I am still me.
Pastor Bill Halter (the guy I have known since I was very young and is now a Pastor at a church not far from where I live now) told me he has a single friend our age that is becoming a pastor. He wants me to meet him. A pastor. While I am a believer, I am not sure I am pastor dating material.
Other than some minor irritations, this last week has been a bust. I am now working on painting my kitchen and getting the backsplash up. I will be going back to Kalahari for the beginning of the school year meetings. My younger sister and her girls are going with me so that they can enjoy the water park, etc. I never use the free 'bands' they give us for family members but this time I have someone to use them. I get to listen to my sister moan and groan for a few days about being poor and fat. She wants someone to wave a magic wand. I got really angry the other day when she told me that she had told one of her HS friends that SHE had paid her own way through college...SHE had paid for her wedding...SHE had bought her own car.
This is why it makes me mad...I know that my parents paid for her books and tuition for her last 3 years of college (because she had a scholarship for the first year). My parents paid for the caterer for her wedding, part of the decorations and we ALL helped with decorations, setting up the reception hall and cleaning up afterwards. I also know my parents bought her 3 different cars. The only car she bought was with her husband Matt. I'll bet he doesn't get any credit either. She tries to make out like she got less than everyone else and she was such a hard worker. We used to joke about how she ducked out of helping in the kitchen, hardly ever cleaned her room and never did yard work or helped with cleaning anywhere else in the house.
Oh well...I just bite my tongue and change the subject. Not sure why I am doing her a favor. I will regret it.
My work year begins again officially next Monday. It looks to be a busy one straight out of the gate. And there is my son's wedding thrown in. yay...with a visit from their dad.
He has tried some passive-aggressive moves. I thank him for offering to help me out with this or that but politely decline. It sounds sweet but I know how he works. He has to maintain some control. I am cutting every tie I can. He divorced me...didn't want me in his life. So he needs to NOT have me in his life. I need to NOT have him in my life. It makes it easier for me to get my life settled. Just me,
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