The Emptiness

I was singing this morning.  Making Thanksgiving Dinner and singing.  I was thinking of all of the things I have to be thankful for...

We gathered around the table and there was the kids with their significant others.  I enjoyed the dinner.  I enjoyed the conversation.  Then, TJ and Brittany jumped up and ran off to her dad's house for a small family gathering there.  And Bethany and Jordan disappeared to play video games and there I was cleaning up all by myself.  And sitting in the livingroom by myself.    Alone.

And then the sorrow and sadness crept in.  The Darkness had been invited to a dinner at a co-workers where they were trying to fix him up on a blind date.  And I am still alone.

I hear people tell me all the time that I am an intelligent sweet person and someone else will come along.  That I won't be alone forever. But there are no guarantees.   There's lots of nice people that are alone.

I put 25 years of my life into 'him' and my kids.  And then 'he' decided he didn't love me anymore.  My kids have their own lives and I am alone.

I had a family.  I had a husband.  And now I am alone.  It isn't fair.  It just isn't fair.  And I don't know what I did.  I am sure lots of other people in my position ask the same question...what did I do?