I need to pull out of this. I can't even tell you what 'this' is. I just know every since my daughter's open house, I have been doing the bare minimum. Not even sure if I can claim that.
There is nothing to feel so depressed about. Not even sure I can call it depression. more in like in a holding pattern. It will be fine...as long as I can at least keep the job I have. That job will pay for my car and cell phone and buy the groceries. I hate that I will have to rely on part of his income....nothing against him. It just makes me feel like a failure.
When it comes down to it...I've carried that attitude about myself. Two guys that I graduated from HS with and they graduated from college with teaching degrees just like me...are now retiring from teaching. They put in their 30 years and now they are done. I dropped the ball. And for years I have looked at myself in the mirror and wondered how I got there.
I told my husband that, while I am happy for him getting this job, I am also jealous. He went to college, while I was working, and got out and jobs came easy to him. Of course, he found the right ppl to schmooze...but still. I still don't know where I belong. And at my age (and weight) it is difficult to get a decent paying job.
I need a time machine to go back and start over...from the day I started college. AND I would get to take back the knowledge I have now about the process.
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