One of my favorite movies...don't know why. And one of my favorite bands is/was the Gin Blossoms. One of their songs was played during the scene where he was chasing her down...she was in a cab leaving the city to go to the east coast, he was on a motorcycle trying to stop her. The song was "Follow You Down".
That song reminds me of my life with Troy since he got out of school. AND I think I jinxed my life by putting what I did in my last post about him waiting to hear from Wichita about the job. They called this evening and offered him the job. But they are still dickering about $.
The problem is...I'm happy for him but I'm not happy in general. We have gone through SO MUCH...and I've put up with a lot from his misbehavior. I have prayed SO HARD for God to work things out so that there would not be another upheaval involved. Guess God had other ideas.
I have had faith...followed....and listened. Done things contrary to how I wanted to do them or did not do things I felt like doing all because God directed me differently. I have not understood most of it. Are we supposed to?
God has blessed us in many ways and in many ways life has been a challenge. I thank Hiim for His blessings and cry to Him in times of challenge and trouble. This is one of those times when the human in me is angry.
Life with Troy has never been easy. He has gone his own way according to what he felt like doing so many times. He gets no points for not actually abandoning his family. He abandoned us in other ways. Sure, he worked to keep a roof over our heads. but he didn't work to get to know us or take much of an interest. He only wanted things his way and let us know constantly.
I am not sure how all of these changes are going to work out. I just know there is going to be major change. Troy is not happy that I am not thrilled with the changes. He is mad at me for being unhappy about it. Tough. I have supported him in more ways than some women would. I am at a point in my life where I should be ALLOWED to express my true feelings.
Go off to Wichita, Troy. Enjoy that job...climb the ladder. I will be here with the kids as they get through college and start their first jobs. I wish you well. I will do what I can to support myself and the 3 dogs. I hate to lose this house I've put so much work into..but what will be will be.
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