Moody Blues

Let me put this in print...go ahead and admit it...I'm moody.  Guess I always have been but I have tried to keep it under control most of my life.  My father is a moody guy and I didn't like his moods.  He has these dark moods where he just closes off and won't even acknowledge your presence.  I am not THAT moody.  I think the worst my bad moods get is I just don't say much and I don't do my usual 'cheery' act that keeps everyone else in a good mood.  Lord knows they don't seem to be able to be sunny on their own around here.  They have to have someone else put them in a good mood. 

But now that I am having to put up with the whole ugly hormonal crap of an older woman (oldER...not OLD) I am using it to my advantage.  I will admit, though, that I really do not like being in a BAD mood.  It sucks.  I don't like depression or orneriness.  I have just been too tired to want to fight it off.  So, I just warn everyone that I am hormonal and feeling cranky and short on patience.  Even at that, they are who they are and they are lucky that when I feel myself ready to blow my top, I walk off and away. 

Well...almost always.  The hubby doesn't seem to have the sense God gave a dog sometimes.  He will stand there and keep picking at something...instead of just recognizing the situation for what it is and not keep yapping until he has the last word or until he feels he has 'won'.  In our marriage, hardly any discussion we have had has ever meant enough for me to argue with him about it.  I let him have the last word...then I do what I want anyway.  :D  There is the chance that my way will work out as I had hoped and he will just never admit that it did...or take the credit for it being HIS idea (and believe it or not, I let him cuz...life is short) OR it fails and he will hold it over my head until the day the dirt is piled on my coffin. 

But lately, I have taken to just losing my cool and saying something not so very nice..."You are as bad as the kids!  Will you just shut up already!"  OR the other day, he interrupted a talk I was having with our son for the bazillionth time and I interrupted him right back with, "If I can just finish this PLEASE...I WAS discussing that very thing with him."  stomping...then later he is mad at me cuz he interrupted me and I just yell him out the door. 

I really don't like being ornery or raising my voice.  I hate conflict.  I hate moodiness.  I do wonder sometimes, though, if I just acted upon what I was feeling...where would I end up? 

I did not go to my oldest niece's la crosse game last Saturday morning.  It was damp and cool outside and my sinuses were killing me.  I called my sister later to apologize and she said in a not so nice way, "Never mind...I didn't expect that you'd come.  It was warm there...the sun was shining." I heard her middle daughter in the background say, "I was freezing!"  She said to her, "You're always cold.  Anyway, WE had a good time without you."  This is the first time I have ever NOT done something I told her I was going to.  I have been there to help out while her hubby was out of work, I have helped her whenever she has asked me to pitch in.  On the other hand, there is one thing I know about her...if she says she is going to be there, she will call and cancel at the last minute.  Always.  So, yeah...I am at a point where my good nature is feeling rather dismal. 

Perhaps it is just cabin fever and I need some good weather.  Life isn't really all that bad.  I'm just moody.