It has boiled beneath the surface most of the week. That call from a week ago.
I have tried to ignore it but it pushed some stuff to the surface that I just didn't really want to be real about and deal with. In the end, it forced me to shut the door and lock it for good. I found my closure.
In summation...it was a crap marriage. Sure there were some spots of good feelings. Truthfully, though, it was FAMILY moments, not couple moments.
I guess it is time for me to face and embrace a different future than I had been envisioning. After all, what I wanted never happened. The only thing I feel sad about is spending so much of my life with him. Can't go back and have a do over so the best I can do is move forward and see what happens.
The weird part is now I feel like there is a whole big empty place that I do not know what to do with. A big place in my thinking that I need to fill because it was occupied by him...what was he doing, what does he need, how can I make him happy...that kind of junk. Also, there was a lot of 'what is the matter with him?" lol
So I guess I need to figure out what I can do with my free thinking time. This means that I have to think about me. wow. I have forgot how to think about me so much. I thought I WAS thinking about me but now I realize I do not know what I like to do! I have no hobbies...no interests...I am boring!!!
I need an outside job or something. A place where I am mixing and mingling with, gasp, other people.
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