Appetizers and Drinks

I finally got out of the house last night.  Jean contacted me and said we needed a night out.  So we met up at Applebee's and had appetizers and drinks.  Neither one of us were in the mood for a real dinner.  Then we ordered the Blonde but ate only half of it.  Should have not ordered that.

Through education we have both been able to get through a lot of our hurt suffered at the hands of the ones we had married.  Nothing is personal with a Narcissist because they have no feelings...nothing deep and meaningful.  Because of that they cannot have real relationships and that is why nothing they do is personal.

We both discussed, though, that we still had a knot of bitterness that we needed to work through.

I could not sleep well.  I fell asleep about midnight and was awake at 4 with heartburn...thanks to the Blonde.  Too much sugar gives me heartburn.

But since I was awake, I did some contemplating and talking to God.  I do not want to be a bitter person.  It gets in the way of being a real Christian.  It gets in the way of me healing and being the best me I can be.

Then it occurred to me...nothing is personal.  Jean and I both struggled with the fact that we had done everything right yet we got dumped on.

So, let's go back to those bracelets that everyone wore not too long ago...WWJD.  I am not comparing myself to Jesus but you do have to compare your life to what Jesus would do.  Jesus did everything right.  And he was persecuted and killed.

So THEN it occurred to me:  I DID do everything right.  God guided me and was with me.  I was just aligned with a personality disordered person that there didn't seem to be any fix for.  I am not saying that God can't 'fix' him, but it will be a minor miracle.  However, I should not walk away bitter.  I did everything right.  I am not the mentally messed up one.  I was just living with a mental patient and I got the blow back.  God has helped me through it.  He is helping me everyday.

Therefore, I should not be bitter.  I can lament that I did not have a happy marriage and I ended up in a divorce but...I can also look forward to a better future.

I do not know what is down the road but I know it will be something good.

I have decided that I really need to step up efforts to do something about my body weight.  It makes me unhappy.  So I really need to concentrate on that now that my mental and emotional self is doing better.

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As far as family, Bethany is still doing her thing at college.  She is trying to figure out which direction she wants to take as she will eventually go on to get her Bachelor's Degree.  She is thinking about research.  I hope she figures it out.  I told her to pray on it and she will receive direction.

Brit started a new job as a Pre-K teacher's assistant and she said she really liked it.  It may help her make her decision about getting a certification in Early Childhood Education.  Luckily that is only a 2 year degree.

TJ is doing his job and writing a book. I do not know what the book is about because he has not shared that much with me.

They also have started the paperwork to buy the big 2 bedroom manufactured house.  It has 2 bathrooms and a large kitchen.  He says they will be more relaxed there and can be in that place for at least the next 5-6 years while they save for a house.  Even if they start a family, they have the extra bedroom and a yard for the kid to play in.  The moving part is what is going to be tricky.  They have to be out of their apartment by the first full weekend in January.  At least I will not be the only one moving them this time.  Brit's dad and step brother will be helping.