He has gotten a bit too comfortable and has begun to critique my choices and things around the house.
Ok...that is going to get nipped in the bud...like yesterday.
Thank you for reminding me why I need to be happy with YOUR choice.
Bethany gave him 2 things for father's day...belated. 1) a Cavs NBA championship shirt; 2) a shot glass from Ocean City to add to his collection.
He looked at the shirt and said it was a different one than he had see anywhere and he would wear it on the plane trip home. He, however, wanted the shirt that the Cavs were wearing right after the win and he was going to buy himself that when he got home. I looked at Bethany and she looked a bit disappointed.
As for the shot glass...it had a crab in the shape of a U and it said, "Bite me bUm...Ocean City" He said, "You know THAT'S going to get used!" ooooooof course.
On the way home, I got caught in a HUGE storm. Drove in it for over an hour. Pulled over twice because it was coming down too hard to see the road and the lightening was just too much. But, after the second stop and I headed back down the road, after checking the radar, I told Bethany that I was just driving back into the storm because is was headed south down the length of the freeway. I told her I just needed to keep driving and I would drive out of it. She said that maybe it would just stay over me. I told her I was moving faster than it. (at least I hoped I was). I finally drove out of it and for the last almost hour there was nothing. While I was in it I kept talking to God, "Please don't let my last thing I did was have dinner with that doofus before I died."
About an hour after I got home, the storm caught up with me. It sounded like it was going to lift the house and take it away. I announced to the dogs I was going to bed. They followed right on my heals. So, I got the pillows on the floor of my office that they lay on while I work, and they slept on the floor of my bedroom...except for Jack who has his bed on the end of MY bed. I sleep easier because I know if there is something major coming my way, my phone tornado alarm will go off. It is loud enough to raise the dead. Thankfully it didn't go off but I had a lot of tree limbs to clean up. Big ones.
I was still irritated this morning. I have admitted to my wrong doings in our marriage, and I am not a 'blamer' for my behavior and choices...however...he broke me. He changed me. He tore me down. I just gave up.
It is taking me a long time to find the me I was before I married him. I am feeling better about myself. There is still a long way to go but I am doing better. Being around him just set me back as far as my feelings of anger. I don't want to be angry anymore.
He texted me that it was nice seeing me. I told him it was HARD seeing HIM. He texted that he still lays awake many nights wondering if he made the right decision. So, just to assert MY anger, I texted back: You did not...it was NOT. You tore a family apart. I am not someone you throw away. I really am working on not being angry with having to deal with how someone else's choices affects my life.
In the end, as far as I am concerned, it was a good decision for ME that he made. I need someone more mature and stable. He is an ass.
Another thing he kept going on about is his weight. "I have gained back some of it. Do I look like it? I need to start lifting weights again." He just kept mentioning it. So I texted him," no one cares about your weight. You are concentrating on the wrong thing. I...am...fat. I will do what I can about that for me. However, I am STILL smart, kind, and caring."
He will never...ever...get it.
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