Purpose

I remember an old "Happy Days" show where Richie had met a bunch of 'hippie like people' and one of the females was having trouble finding something to rhyme with 'purpose'.

I am finding trouble finding the purpose, period. I always felt like my life had purpose.  I took care of my kids, their lives, and took care of a spouse.  I did not plan on being alone...having just me to take care of.  I figured I would still have a spouse to take care of for a while longer.  Even though he may not have been a great spouse...he was who is was...it was what it was.

It is just strange.  I am feeling, still, like I am floating around with no anchor.  I really do not know WHAT to do.  I know I need to use some energy trying to find a new purpose for my life.  I need to put more prayer into finding my direction.  Maybe God has a new direction for me but has been waiting for me to actually be READY for it.  I have had a lot to deal with in learning my new job.
I am just impatient.  I know changes will come.  I need things to take up my mind and time while I am waiting for life to work its way out.

I am not really sure what is causing the pain in my heart.  I walk around with a deep feeling of 'sad' all day, every day.  I am not really sure why.  I have tried hard to find other things to over ride it.

I watched "Boyhood" today...well, the last half.  One of the last things Patricia Arquett's character said was, "I just thought there would be more."