So 'he' popped in at the house off and on a few times throughout the week. He stopped in Monday to have lunch with the kids (he called and asked first..and I was supposed to be included but I had already had lunch and was busy). Then he stopped in Tuesday, quickly, to leave his car here while he road with the other company guy to Cleveland and Columbus for the next couple of days. He was back on Thursday afternoon...the kids weren't here...and I had him go through cupboards and closets and pull out what was his and he was taking. I also pulled out lots of other things that he had forgotten about and told him he should take it. He was surprised. I am NOT a soul sucking bitch. He didn't say that but he, I guess, assumed that everything in the cupboards, etc. was just staying here. I told him if there was something that he wanted just mention it. If it was something I wasn't sure I wanted to let go of, we could talk about it and he could have a chance to convince me he needed it more. We really didn't have to go there.
He came back later that evening when TJ got off work at his second job to have dinner with him...he brought food. I let Bethany know that her dad was going to be here and at what time...she was out with Jordan. They got here at the same time he did.
Back to Monday...after they had lunch and TJ had taken off, Bethany was getting ready for work and I had a chance to have that face to face talk with Troy. I said, "you keep saying you love me, yet, it seems to me if you really loved me, a person would go to counseling to save the marriage instead of going for divorce." He just looked at me expressionless and said nothing. I said, "That right there says it all. Do NOT keep telling me you still love me...you don't. You MIGHT care about me to some small extent but you don't love me." We talked round and round in circles and I finally told him, "We are getting absolutely nowhere. You might as well leave." So, he did. He called me later to ask me something, and I don't remember what it was. Whatever it was I didn't care.
Troy drove here instead of taking the plane. He said the messed up his reservation and was being bumped so he decided to drive. It really made no sense since he got here by driving at about the same time he would have if he flew. WHATEVER!
The funny thing was he got time to spend talking with Jordan and getting to know him. I am not sure what the conversation was Thursday night as I spent that time out in the sunroom talking with my mom on the phone...she called to see how I was holding up. Whatever was said, Jordan had a view of Troy as borderline mental stability problems.
Friday morning I picked him up at his hotel and we stopped for coffee. I drove us to the lawyer's office, we went in together, read over the papers, signed and then we all walked down the street to the courthouse together. The lawyer told us that our divorce was a first for him...fastest and he had never had a divorcing couple show up for the divorce in the same car.
The judge signed the papers, we went to the bank and sorted out all of the financial things and I ended up with more than I thought I was going to end up with. He even gave me money to buy the preservative for the fence since I pointed out to him how I was going to have to put another layer on before the snow falls.
He came back and packed up his stuff..we all sat and ate a late lunch/early dinner before Bethany went to work. He fell asleep for a couple hours then put the boxes in his car and left.
Before he left, however, I got the total answer to why HE wanted a divorce.
During lunch he admitted that almost every Friday he would head over to James and Eddie's and start partying all night...and that would pretty much put him out for the weekend. He liked not having a relationship because he went home at night and it was quiet ( because I talked SO much).
So, it is all about this: his life was interrupted by 25 years of marriage and raising kids. Now he can take up where he left off when he was 24.
He says he wants us to remain friends and help each other out. He is being oh so sweet...more than he ever has. He said at least 3 times on Friday that he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.
Here is how I see it...he has bought himself 4 guns since he moved to Kansas. I never allowed him to buy guns and have them in the house when we were married...mainly because of his temper and substance abuse history. Now he has 4 guns, parties every weekend (and I am not sure what all he is partying with) and he has a nasty temper. I can see a real problem coming to a head at some point. He knows if he gets into trouble or loses his job then he has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. He is wanting to keep me on a long rope...thinks he can play me.
He has done me the biggest favor anyone has every done for me. I know he is 'helping' me now however, that does not mean that I owe him salvation from his immature, reckless behavior.
My kids? Bethany asked me after he left if he is going through a mid-life crisis. I told her no, he is just being himself. TJ pondered whether or not his dad realizes he is NOT 24 anymore and how old he looks...so much older than the age he is. I told him that he has never let that stop him or get into the reality in his brain.
Even after all of that, I woke up Saturday morning thinking about that fact that I am NOT married anymore. It sort of feels weird since I have been "MRS" for 25 years and now I am just "MS". And in that way I feel broken. On the other hand, I was married in name...I was never really part of a couple since he never really did anything much with me. I have been alone for 25 years. I really do hope that I find another half...a REAL partner...someone that likes spending time with me and doing things with me. I am not talking about marriage again...I may get to that point but not in a hurry.
The other development...Jordan began texting me Friday night about his feelings for our daughter...and he went on and on. I finally asked him if he was smoking pizza (he works at Dominoes before he returns to college in November). He got my message and responded with, "yeah...I need to quit that." And he quit texting. LOL I like him but wow...
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