And Now...

Spent a few days up north with my eldest sister and my parents.  They kept me busy. 

My sister's husband gave me a hand gun.  I have no bullets for it and I need to take shooting lessons so for now it is a small club.  I don't like the idea of ever shooting anyone and I hope I never have to do that.  I don't mind hitting someone with my stun gun.  Must hurt like a bitch but at least they have a much better chance of survival and I have a good chance of getting away and getting the police here. 

I was actually pretty quiet the whole time I was there.  I know they noticed.  My mother hovered.  I finally told her I am still trying to get my life in order mentally.  I have to reorder a whole future.  I have to figure out my next move. 

In the meantime I am trying to get some things in order around the house.  I have maintenance to do also. 

I have enjoyed having a full table of people at least once a week.  TJ, Bethany, Brittany, Jordan, Amy, Amber.  They all joke and laugh and it gives a sort of happiness to the day...and a sort of sadness.  I know it is dumb but I look at the other end of the table and wish there was a husband there to share it with.  Troy actually did enjoy having the table full, too.  Although I think the 'kids' talk and joke more without him there. 

He called my cell phone Tuesday...the day after I got back home.  I let it go to voice mail but he didn't leave one.  Then he called right back...I let it go to VM...again he didn't leave one. Then he called again.  I lunged for the phone because I thought it must be really important if he keeps calling and doesn't leave a VM.   It wasn't.  It was something he could have sent a text about.  And THEN he asks me how my weekend was, how my parents are, etc.  I sighed.  I told him the weekend was fine, my parents are well...none committal.  SERIOUSLY? 

On my way to my sister's my son txtd me that he had nearly gotten into an accident on his way to his second job.  A female took off at high speed into the intersection to make a left turn at the light and my son was halfway across.  He slammed on the brakes...and I don't know why he would hit his brakes instead of hitting the accelerator.  He said she stopped just short of hitting him.  But he blew out a brake line.  I was going to turn around and head back home...I was only about an hour out.  He insisted he could get it to Grismer in the morning to get it fixed.  I knew they would charge more than the mechanic but it takes a couple of days to get into Adam's and TJ needed his car for work over the weekend.  If I had gone home we would have had another vehicle to work with and he could have waited.  But I let him take care of it.  And yes, Grismer charged twice as much as Adam.  Troy said he would give TJ half of the money back.  He can be a puzzlement.  I am just glad he is feeling generous.

Bethany had sent me a txt the night before I left.  She asked me if she could spend the night at Amber's.  I looked at the text  and kind of giggled.  I texted her back and said, "you're 19 now.  The proper way to put that is, if you don't need me for anything, I am spending the night at Amber's."  She texted back and said, "ok.  thank you for allowing me to be an adult."  LOL 

Jordan helped me today put some gutter guard on my gutters since I am afraid of heights.  I need more and he is willing to help finish the job.  TJ mowed most of the lawn.  It is nice to have help.

I hope Troy finds it better to talk with those friends he wanted to get a divorce to party with instead of me.

And I have not taken up with counseling.  I am allowing myself to settle.  I am praying and arranging my life.  I am okay with me the way I am right now. Not looking for a companion at this time.  I figure if I can get my life going in a direction that I am comfortable with then someone will come along and I can ease myself into a relationship.  Troy may start dating sooner than I do..but it is not a race.  If he finds someone that can make him smile and want to spend time with  more than his party friends that WOW!  I really do not want him to be alone.  Who wants to be alone?  I would like to find someone that appreciates my independence and weird humor...my Lorelei Gilmore-ness.  But I would like to find him further down the road.  I have a lot of my own work to do.