The one thing about being a Christian and asking God for prayers to be answered....if you don't want the answer, don't ask. And if you ask you better be open to receive the answer.
I am also the kind of person that is more than willing to consider my part in a problem.
So I asked God...prayed very meaningfully for some understanding. I wanted to understand something about this divorce that would help me get through it, over it, around it....
He answered me. Wasn't what I was expecting but...I got it!
I think it is because there was nobody/nothing in my way. God was finally able to get through to me...after 53 years. It was 'wow'.
All these years I was so angry at Troy...he never new how to communicate with me. But he HAD tried. I wasn't listening to HIM.
I can admit to it. I made it difficult for him to communicate with me. I am a good person and I can take care of everyone. I was just not a good wife. I have been, as they say, 'emotionally unavailable'. I never really understood what that meant until when it came to defining my problem.
Troy bought me a t shirt once with Grumpy on the front and it said, "I don't do hugs". pretty much sums it up. Not cuz I don't like hugs...but I just did not display my emotions. And my inability to express myself lead him to believe I was unapproving of him, did not love him, was not happy with him.
Also, once I became mom, I changed my interaction with him...on a regular basis. That right there should have told me I needed to get some counseling.
So, since I have already tanked one marriage and a various relationships, I have signed up for counseling so that I can move forward and possibly have a healthy, happy life from here on out.
No comments:
Post a Comment