Appetizers and Drinks

I finally got out of the house last night.  Jean contacted me and said we needed a night out.  So we met up at Applebee's and had appetizers and drinks.  Neither one of us were in the mood for a real dinner.  Then we ordered the Blonde but ate only half of it.  Should have not ordered that.

Through education we have both been able to get through a lot of our hurt suffered at the hands of the ones we had married.  Nothing is personal with a Narcissist because they have no feelings...nothing deep and meaningful.  Because of that they cannot have real relationships and that is why nothing they do is personal.

We both discussed, though, that we still had a knot of bitterness that we needed to work through.

I could not sleep well.  I fell asleep about midnight and was awake at 4 with heartburn...thanks to the Blonde.  Too much sugar gives me heartburn.

But since I was awake, I did some contemplating and talking to God.  I do not want to be a bitter person.  It gets in the way of being a real Christian.  It gets in the way of me healing and being the best me I can be.

Then it occurred to me...nothing is personal.  Jean and I both struggled with the fact that we had done everything right yet we got dumped on.

So, let's go back to those bracelets that everyone wore not too long ago...WWJD.  I am not comparing myself to Jesus but you do have to compare your life to what Jesus would do.  Jesus did everything right.  And he was persecuted and killed.

So THEN it occurred to me:  I DID do everything right.  God guided me and was with me.  I was just aligned with a personality disordered person that there didn't seem to be any fix for.  I am not saying that God can't 'fix' him, but it will be a minor miracle.  However, I should not walk away bitter.  I did everything right.  I am not the mentally messed up one.  I was just living with a mental patient and I got the blow back.  God has helped me through it.  He is helping me everyday.

Therefore, I should not be bitter.  I can lament that I did not have a happy marriage and I ended up in a divorce but...I can also look forward to a better future.

I do not know what is down the road but I know it will be something good.

I have decided that I really need to step up efforts to do something about my body weight.  It makes me unhappy.  So I really need to concentrate on that now that my mental and emotional self is doing better.

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As far as family, Bethany is still doing her thing at college.  She is trying to figure out which direction she wants to take as she will eventually go on to get her Bachelor's Degree.  She is thinking about research.  I hope she figures it out.  I told her to pray on it and she will receive direction.

Brit started a new job as a Pre-K teacher's assistant and she said she really liked it.  It may help her make her decision about getting a certification in Early Childhood Education.  Luckily that is only a 2 year degree.

TJ is doing his job and writing a book. I do not know what the book is about because he has not shared that much with me.

They also have started the paperwork to buy the big 2 bedroom manufactured house.  It has 2 bathrooms and a large kitchen.  He says they will be more relaxed there and can be in that place for at least the next 5-6 years while they save for a house.  Even if they start a family, they have the extra bedroom and a yard for the kid to play in.  The moving part is what is going to be tricky.  They have to be out of their apartment by the first full weekend in January.  At least I will not be the only one moving them this time.  Brit's dad and step brother will be helping.

As Good As It Gets

Work, Work and more work.

My job takes up so much of my time and yet I feel like I am always behind.  It stresses me out.

It stresses me out looking at my bank account before paying my bills.  I, as of yet, have had any issues but it stresses me out anyway.  It has for YEARS!!!  I do not know what my problem is.

You would think I would have given the financial thing over to him when we were married.  I made that mistake once and he ended up draining the accounts to buy drugs then drove us into bankruptcy.

Then that created a whole new set of problems for me to work through while trying not to lose what was left of my mind.

Daughter in law was offered a few jobs.  She chose one and the second day she was there she was bitten by a kid.  On her way home from that job, another place called her and offered her a job as a Pre-K teacher assistant...for more money.  No brainer...she took it.  She doesn't start that job until the end of this next week.

They are still trying to work out a place to live.  I can't even think about it.

I had 2 thanksgivings.  One the night before with my son, DIL and daughter.  My son had to be in studio by Thanksgiving afternoon for 8 hours so we did it early.  I did not mind since I had the day off anyway.  I did cheat on the pies this year.  I bought them made and all I had to do was bake them.

On Thanksgiving Day I had a more vegetarian Thanksgiving with Jordan and Bethany.  Jordan was able to eat some turkey...just no sweet potatoes, potatoes or stuffing.  I made mashed cauliflower, squash, green beans, broccoli and everyone was quite stuffed.  Bethany and I added some stuffing and cranberry relish to our plates.

It was nice having that time to sit and have some good conversation with them all.

I need to force myself out of the house.  I am becoming not wanting to leave the house.  This is not good for me.  I am becoming a recluse and depressed.  ugh.  I do NOT want to be that person!

Pass the Umbrella

Just when you think things are working out to a point where you have breathing room.  Then something happens that puts your faith to the test.  Can you live the example?

I got up late yesterday.  Guess I shut the alarm on my phone off in my sleep.  Then I was having technical issues logging into my work email and account.  Then the first parent I called was pissy with me.  Ok...suck it up.  Shake it off.  Which I did.

This morning I woke up with a sore throat, earache, body aches...time to use my flonase and sudafed.  Green tea and honey helped. 

The morning was going along ok then my son called to tell me his wife lost her job.  That is a whole story in itself but don't say anything about your employer on FB, especially if they are immature hillbillies. 

Brit was looking for another job but was hoping to keep this one until she had something else lined up.  TJ was stressed out over bills and money as it was.  Over the weekend I had bought him the part he needs to fix his car and gave them some money for groceries. 

They were looking to buy a manufactured home in an upscale park in a good school district.  I was going to scrape together some money to help with the down payment.  His dad is kicking in a good amount. 

Now this.  AND the cherry on top of my day...when Bethany came home and closed the garage door...one if the springs broke.  $180 tomorrow.  

So...prayer.  Trust.  Faith.  Somehow...He will fix it.