I always have a long list of things I want to do on Saturday. Yet, I never hit the ground running.
Here I sit, still at 1:30 in the afternoon. However, I have figured out in my head the order of attack and I AM going to finish certain things today. The bathroom will be done, The wall over the fireplace WILL be done. The papers will be sorted and boxed (old bills, etc). AND the banana muffins and bread will be baked, some of it put in the freezer, and pumpkin cookies will be baked.
Tomorrow, if I am ambitious, I will be painting (finally) my office. I hope to make my curtains and hang them too. I have to make a trip to the fabric store at some point and get fabric for my daughter's closet 'door'. It is oddly shaped and I wanted to do a barn door for it but the wall is only 5 foot long and the shortest slide rail I can get is 6 foot long. poo. So we decided to do a fancy curtain rod and a nature scene curtain. This way she can pull it open one way to get into her closet and pull it the other way to reveal her full length mirror.
I spoke with the guy I needed to yesterday about the Financial job. It sounds like it could be promising. I will give it a try. It doesn't cost me anything but some time for training. If I end up being good at it and making money, I could get out of the education business. It is so stressful in the education field right now that any enjoyment I got out of it is quickly disappearing. And the pay sucks. LOL
The weirdest part about that Financial job...I could hire my ex to work for me, if he wants to get back to Ohio and make money. He likes the job he has but at the same time, if he could make good money doing something else, he would do it just so he could be where he wants to be. I don't mean for him to be back in Ohio to be back with me. Ain't happenin'. I have no desire for that. However, I do know that he wants to be near family and I know what it is like to feel homesick and disconnected.
It would also be great to be his boss. LOL
I am not really planning on any of it but...you never know.
Well...time to get going on the day's projects and get things DONE.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Ms. Handyperson
This took me longer than it would have a regular person that does these sorts of things for a living BUT at least I know how to do it.
I put in a new bathroom fan/light fixture. Well, it is not completely done, yet. I have to go back up and find the two wires for the fan part and hook them in. I only saw two wires at the time and figured that perhaps the fan and light were both connected to them.
I was wrong. shocker. LOL
BUT I got the old one out, hooked up the vent tubing and the other two wires, got it mounted and put together. The I put the rest of it together underneath.
The next step...hook up a timer switch to the thing in place of the regular switch. Wiring is not so bad if someone has had something hooked up in the first place.
I could not put in the soffet vent like I had planned. Turns out that neither bathroom exhaust fans had ever been vented to the outside. I could not put in the soffet vent because it was too difficult to get to so at some point I will have to put in a roof vent but...I did not have the energy left to do that. So, for now, I ran the collapsible vent tubing to the roof heat vents. I am sure it will help pull the air up through better than what was in place before...which was nothing.
I will say that once I had been up there and worked on this project, I have some respect for Evil Spawn. Perhaps not a great deal...but some. He put in a new fan/light in the livingroom for me before he left. I have appreciated that thing ENORMOUSLY! Now, if only I could figure out how to run new wiring I would put one of those puppies in my bedroom.
*****************
In other news: My son landed his first fulltime job. He was hired as a reporter/anchor for an iHeart news/talk radio station in Cincinnati. It is an hour drive from here so he will need to move. He has 2 weeks before he starts and he said he would like to not have to move until after the holidays. I pray the winter is not so terrible. If it gets too bad, he may find himself bunking at my younger sister's on the couch a few times...she is only about a 15 minute drive from where he is going to be working.
They are giving him the company car to drive, a cell phone and a laptop.
So, in a few months, my house will be less 2 adult residence. Brittany was not happy to hear that she will be moving again so soon. She is nervous about it...he is nervous about it. I just told him (and her) that I am not that far away and I can be a lifeline. BUT they will be fine. The biggest thing is to work out a budget and stick to it. She will also have to find herself a new job.
I am also going to be talking with a financial company about a part time job for extra money. I need to pay off some debts and feel better about my future. Once TJ and Brit move out, my utility bills and grocery expenditures will be lightened. My Time Warner bill will be lighter too. I am going to cut the cable off. Bethany and I hardly ever watch a show when it is on and if I want to, I have a really great digital antenna hooked up to the TV in the family room. I am going to subscribe to Hulu. We already have Netflix. My oldest sister and her husband log into my Netflix and watch it too. Bethany, TJ and Brit all watch it. I am the one paying for it and I hardly EVER watch it. LOL!
I do not sleep well at night. I will fall asleep and sleep soundly for about 2-3 hours then wake up and I have to roll over and go back to sleep. If I sleep for 4-5 straight hours, there is no going back to sleep. But if I wake up 2-3 hours later, I can usually get back to sleep and get at least 6 hours sleep altogether. Nothing helps...no melatonin or pain pills. Valerian root can sometimes help.
Christmas is coming...quickly. I will have to buy something for Evil Spawn since he is going to be here and he is planning on buy me something. I sent him a list. LOL I am not sure how it is going to go. It will be weird.
I know the kids will appreciate him being here with them...and not on the Skype with a female friend in the background that they didn't know about.
I have been up since 4:45. I fell asleep about 1:30. It is now about 3 hours later and I think it is time for a nap.
I put in a new bathroom fan/light fixture. Well, it is not completely done, yet. I have to go back up and find the two wires for the fan part and hook them in. I only saw two wires at the time and figured that perhaps the fan and light were both connected to them.
I was wrong. shocker. LOL
BUT I got the old one out, hooked up the vent tubing and the other two wires, got it mounted and put together. The I put the rest of it together underneath.
The next step...hook up a timer switch to the thing in place of the regular switch. Wiring is not so bad if someone has had something hooked up in the first place.
I could not put in the soffet vent like I had planned. Turns out that neither bathroom exhaust fans had ever been vented to the outside. I could not put in the soffet vent because it was too difficult to get to so at some point I will have to put in a roof vent but...I did not have the energy left to do that. So, for now, I ran the collapsible vent tubing to the roof heat vents. I am sure it will help pull the air up through better than what was in place before...which was nothing.
I will say that once I had been up there and worked on this project, I have some respect for Evil Spawn. Perhaps not a great deal...but some. He put in a new fan/light in the livingroom for me before he left. I have appreciated that thing ENORMOUSLY! Now, if only I could figure out how to run new wiring I would put one of those puppies in my bedroom.
*****************
In other news: My son landed his first fulltime job. He was hired as a reporter/anchor for an iHeart news/talk radio station in Cincinnati. It is an hour drive from here so he will need to move. He has 2 weeks before he starts and he said he would like to not have to move until after the holidays. I pray the winter is not so terrible. If it gets too bad, he may find himself bunking at my younger sister's on the couch a few times...she is only about a 15 minute drive from where he is going to be working.
They are giving him the company car to drive, a cell phone and a laptop.
So, in a few months, my house will be less 2 adult residence. Brittany was not happy to hear that she will be moving again so soon. She is nervous about it...he is nervous about it. I just told him (and her) that I am not that far away and I can be a lifeline. BUT they will be fine. The biggest thing is to work out a budget and stick to it. She will also have to find herself a new job.
I am also going to be talking with a financial company about a part time job for extra money. I need to pay off some debts and feel better about my future. Once TJ and Brit move out, my utility bills and grocery expenditures will be lightened. My Time Warner bill will be lighter too. I am going to cut the cable off. Bethany and I hardly ever watch a show when it is on and if I want to, I have a really great digital antenna hooked up to the TV in the family room. I am going to subscribe to Hulu. We already have Netflix. My oldest sister and her husband log into my Netflix and watch it too. Bethany, TJ and Brit all watch it. I am the one paying for it and I hardly EVER watch it. LOL!
I do not sleep well at night. I will fall asleep and sleep soundly for about 2-3 hours then wake up and I have to roll over and go back to sleep. If I sleep for 4-5 straight hours, there is no going back to sleep. But if I wake up 2-3 hours later, I can usually get back to sleep and get at least 6 hours sleep altogether. Nothing helps...no melatonin or pain pills. Valerian root can sometimes help.
Christmas is coming...quickly. I will have to buy something for Evil Spawn since he is going to be here and he is planning on buy me something. I sent him a list. LOL I am not sure how it is going to go. It will be weird.
I know the kids will appreciate him being here with them...and not on the Skype with a female friend in the background that they didn't know about.
I have been up since 4:45. I fell asleep about 1:30. It is now about 3 hours later and I think it is time for a nap.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
The Nerve of it All
I did it. I went to the chiropractor. He is aggressive and painful...but the results are great. For the first time in YEARS, the bulging disc is back in place...NO PAIN!
The last 2 weeks have been so stressful. I have taken on extra responsibilities at work and this last week I was handed the left over student accounts from Erika, who quit. She said it was way too much work and she wanted time for her own kids, etc.
It took me a while but I had to figure in my head how to organize things so that it flowed better. I tried a few different things but in the end, an organizer BOOK (yes, pencil and paper!) really helps me keep organized best. I have to keep updating learning plans and calling parents. Each family has different things they have to do to be ready for the online school or to get themselves and their students back on track. I have teachers to check on student progress with, too. In the midst of all of that, I have to present online orientation classes.
Now I have to work in the chiropractor visits.
Believe it or not, I get daily encouragement text messages from Evil Spawn...aka...Troy. He is REALLY trying to convince me he is worth it. I told him this is what FRIENDS do for each other. I am trying to be 'friends' with him. It will mainly help life be less stressful.
He tells me he is doing 2 different things: 1) looking for a good position in Ohio for a possible job change; 2) trying to convince his superiors to move ahead with their idea of having outlying avionics customer support techs, like Rockwell does...the old company he worked for. He says he is home sick for Ohio, misses ALL of his family, and finds Kansas to be boring.
He can do what he needs to for himself. Except move back in here. I am getting my life back together, and while it is not ideal, it is better. It can get better. I like making my own decisions. I could use his paycheck too in order to afford some things, LOL.
The longer Brittany lives here, the more she is becoming a combination of me and Bethany. She has learned how to relax and be more casual while taking on the responsibility of her life. She is doing a pretty good job.
TJ got an interview at a radio station he wanted to work at...but it is too much of a commute from here and he would have to think about moving out. The amount they said they would pay would make life rather tight, budget wise. But if Brittany gets a full time, or even part time job, they could do it.
I place everything in God's hands.
The last 2 weeks have been so stressful. I have taken on extra responsibilities at work and this last week I was handed the left over student accounts from Erika, who quit. She said it was way too much work and she wanted time for her own kids, etc.
It took me a while but I had to figure in my head how to organize things so that it flowed better. I tried a few different things but in the end, an organizer BOOK (yes, pencil and paper!) really helps me keep organized best. I have to keep updating learning plans and calling parents. Each family has different things they have to do to be ready for the online school or to get themselves and their students back on track. I have teachers to check on student progress with, too. In the midst of all of that, I have to present online orientation classes.
Now I have to work in the chiropractor visits.
Believe it or not, I get daily encouragement text messages from Evil Spawn...aka...Troy. He is REALLY trying to convince me he is worth it. I told him this is what FRIENDS do for each other. I am trying to be 'friends' with him. It will mainly help life be less stressful.
He tells me he is doing 2 different things: 1) looking for a good position in Ohio for a possible job change; 2) trying to convince his superiors to move ahead with their idea of having outlying avionics customer support techs, like Rockwell does...the old company he worked for. He says he is home sick for Ohio, misses ALL of his family, and finds Kansas to be boring.
He can do what he needs to for himself. Except move back in here. I am getting my life back together, and while it is not ideal, it is better. It can get better. I like making my own decisions. I could use his paycheck too in order to afford some things, LOL.
The longer Brittany lives here, the more she is becoming a combination of me and Bethany. She has learned how to relax and be more casual while taking on the responsibility of her life. She is doing a pretty good job.
TJ got an interview at a radio station he wanted to work at...but it is too much of a commute from here and he would have to think about moving out. The amount they said they would pay would make life rather tight, budget wise. But if Brittany gets a full time, or even part time job, they could do it.
I place everything in God's hands.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
The Void
I have no one to pin a feeling to. I want to have someone to look at and say, "I love you" with some real intensity and have that person say it back and you just know it's true.
I want that guy that will do whatever it takes to be the owner of my heart. And I want to be the owner of his.
I want that someone that at the end of a stressful terrible day will wrap his arms around me and hold me...and I want to do the same for him.
I want that guy that I can sit and have deep conversations with...or mundane shallow conversations with...and feel satisfied.
I want a guy that doesn't mind being goofy or making a fool of himself on the dance floor in front of others.
Perhaps I want too much.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Feels Like Deja Vu Heartburn
This last week was very stressed, work wise. Another thing with volunteering to handle the load, I not only was paired with our school 'social worker', which made the re-engagement cases more involved, then my Lead asked me to take on some new orientation cases. She asked me how many I thought I could handle. I really had no way of knowing so I said, '10'. Then in the course of taking on those 10, I ended up picking up 1 more because it was a sibling of one of the new cases. It came out okay because one of the new kids I have is withdrawing because his mother said doing her own homeschooling will work better for them.
The re-engagement cases have been dragging their feet and I had to send out the letter that tells them they are not following the Back on Track plans at all so we are now in Phase III...they are in count down stage to withdrawal proceedings. They get 10 points and for every day they do not follow the plan a point is deducted. For every day they miss a meeting with me, a point is deducted. For every day they do not make it to all of their class connect sessions, a point is deducted. So, technically, they could be thrown into withdrawal within 3-4 days. For the younger kids, it is obviously more of a parent issue. For the middle school kids, it is more their issue than the parents' BUT it is also a partial kick in the back side for the parents too.
Personal notes:
My son's fiancee's mother started sending Brit text messages about the bedroom furniture, laptop, and books she had left behind at the house when she had to quickly pack her car and get out. She wanted to give her stuff away or just keep it forever (bedroom furniture). So Brit called her dad to borrow his truck and my son, my daughter's boyfriend (God bless him) and I are going to the house and load her stuff and move it. Brit's dad does not want to see the ex or deal with her (can't blame him, she's nuts) and Brit can't go without police escort. My son is all nerved up and anxious and he says he feels like he is on the verge of a panic attack. I have been praying for control. This woman has been saying some pretty nasty things to her daughter when it is her fault for this situation.
It actually was a good thing for Brit. She no longer has a crazy mom constantly in her ear telling her what a selfish, unappreciative person she is with no skills and unable to take care of herself. Brit, while seemingly moody and self absorbed at times, has come a long way. She is working everyday with people that are not very respectful of her and can be quite mean...but she goes and she works. She is learning to handle her finances and make better choices as time goes on. She asks for advice but has learned to make her own decisions that are what she feels is best for her. The self absorbed part will get better. She has a good heart.
Speaking of self absorbed...
After have a few conversations with Evil Spawn this last week, I have decided that I have learned how not be sucked into the same destructive behavior as before. I do not feel sorry for him...give him excuses for his bad choices...will not help him untangle himself from the mess he created.
His talk about us being friends and 'fixing' things between us...I don't trust him. Not sure I ever will. Even if I sat down and talked with him F2F, I would not trust what comes out of his mouth. Our kids have said the same thing. It is sad that he has ruined his reputation with us all.
I sit and think back to how he has treated me and the kids over those 25 years of our marriage and I really cannot fathom how he and I would, or why we would, get back together. He says he thinks were a pretty good couple and he thinks we can repair it. I have finally settled things with myself and realize he and I should never be together again. I have come to terms that if I am going to have a partner in my life I am going to have to meet someone new and go through all of that.
Evil Spawn may change. I really can't see it. But he COULD change and that would be nice. However, I really feel like there has been too much damage and I do not know, either, how he would ever regain my trust. He does the same destructive decision making over and over and I do not want to be collateral damage anymore...nor do I want to be the janitor and clean up his messes.
I am thinking part of his buttering me up is to take care of the aftermath of his bad decisions. And if I did that, he would be nice to me for a while out of obligation, then he would start in with the criticism and emotional abuse. Wash, rinse, repeat.
As I see it now, at some point he will get the Thug out of his apartment, he will spend Christmas with the kids and visit his family, then, when the holidays are over, he will begin to feel lonely again and meet someone new.
OR he may never move Thug out of his apartment and just stay in that situation.
Either way, it is his life and I am moving on with mine. I have been having this strong feeling within me that when Spring rolls around, someone new will enter my life. I can wait. I have my job to keep me busy. I will also pray that my job will still be there for me next year. I do not trust the company either. BUT God brought me this job and He will help me through.
I prayed about this Evil Spawn situation and I really think God has opened my eyes. That is my answer. ES will not be my partner anymore.
The re-engagement cases have been dragging their feet and I had to send out the letter that tells them they are not following the Back on Track plans at all so we are now in Phase III...they are in count down stage to withdrawal proceedings. They get 10 points and for every day they do not follow the plan a point is deducted. For every day they miss a meeting with me, a point is deducted. For every day they do not make it to all of their class connect sessions, a point is deducted. So, technically, they could be thrown into withdrawal within 3-4 days. For the younger kids, it is obviously more of a parent issue. For the middle school kids, it is more their issue than the parents' BUT it is also a partial kick in the back side for the parents too.
Personal notes:
My son's fiancee's mother started sending Brit text messages about the bedroom furniture, laptop, and books she had left behind at the house when she had to quickly pack her car and get out. She wanted to give her stuff away or just keep it forever (bedroom furniture). So Brit called her dad to borrow his truck and my son, my daughter's boyfriend (God bless him) and I are going to the house and load her stuff and move it. Brit's dad does not want to see the ex or deal with her (can't blame him, she's nuts) and Brit can't go without police escort. My son is all nerved up and anxious and he says he feels like he is on the verge of a panic attack. I have been praying for control. This woman has been saying some pretty nasty things to her daughter when it is her fault for this situation.
It actually was a good thing for Brit. She no longer has a crazy mom constantly in her ear telling her what a selfish, unappreciative person she is with no skills and unable to take care of herself. Brit, while seemingly moody and self absorbed at times, has come a long way. She is working everyday with people that are not very respectful of her and can be quite mean...but she goes and she works. She is learning to handle her finances and make better choices as time goes on. She asks for advice but has learned to make her own decisions that are what she feels is best for her. The self absorbed part will get better. She has a good heart.
Speaking of self absorbed...
After have a few conversations with Evil Spawn this last week, I have decided that I have learned how not be sucked into the same destructive behavior as before. I do not feel sorry for him...give him excuses for his bad choices...will not help him untangle himself from the mess he created.
His talk about us being friends and 'fixing' things between us...I don't trust him. Not sure I ever will. Even if I sat down and talked with him F2F, I would not trust what comes out of his mouth. Our kids have said the same thing. It is sad that he has ruined his reputation with us all.
I sit and think back to how he has treated me and the kids over those 25 years of our marriage and I really cannot fathom how he and I would, or why we would, get back together. He says he thinks were a pretty good couple and he thinks we can repair it. I have finally settled things with myself and realize he and I should never be together again. I have come to terms that if I am going to have a partner in my life I am going to have to meet someone new and go through all of that.
Evil Spawn may change. I really can't see it. But he COULD change and that would be nice. However, I really feel like there has been too much damage and I do not know, either, how he would ever regain my trust. He does the same destructive decision making over and over and I do not want to be collateral damage anymore...nor do I want to be the janitor and clean up his messes.
I am thinking part of his buttering me up is to take care of the aftermath of his bad decisions. And if I did that, he would be nice to me for a while out of obligation, then he would start in with the criticism and emotional abuse. Wash, rinse, repeat.
As I see it now, at some point he will get the Thug out of his apartment, he will spend Christmas with the kids and visit his family, then, when the holidays are over, he will begin to feel lonely again and meet someone new.
OR he may never move Thug out of his apartment and just stay in that situation.
Either way, it is his life and I am moving on with mine. I have been having this strong feeling within me that when Spring rolls around, someone new will enter my life. I can wait. I have my job to keep me busy. I will also pray that my job will still be there for me next year. I do not trust the company either. BUT God brought me this job and He will help me through.
I prayed about this Evil Spawn situation and I really think God has opened my eyes. That is my answer. ES will not be my partner anymore.
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