Waiting for THE SUMMER

Last summer was crap and weird because that one I am legally joined to moved off to Wichita to start a new job.  I started working fulltime for the company I was at, things just changed and I thought, "It will be better next summer".  The summer before that, we had a nephew moving out of our lives, the one I am legally joined to lost his job and I changed jobs.  The one good part of the summer was I took a bus trip with my parents and sisters to Philadelphia, Washington DC and New York City. 

This summer is marred by me losing my job and that one I am, for now, legally joined to telling me he wants a divorce in an email. 

I met with the lawyer and it looks good for me...not too happy for monster spouse.  If I was a vindictive sort, he would be put in a much worse spot than I am going for.  The lawyer, wisely, said it is best to file and get the location staked out to my advantage then propose the dissolution monster spouse wants with MY terms...going in for more than I really want (what the courts would go for in a divorce) and negotiate my way down to where I want it and he feels like he got somewhere.  He will not be happy with it but he will realize (perhaps) that he got out better than he would have.  I think the lawyer must have been a car salesman in a previous life. 

So now, to work out some of my anger (or whatever it is I am really feeling in this tangled yarn ball of emotion) I am going to work on the letter I will be sending to monster-to-be-ex spouse:

Hey Mr. Waste-of-Flesh:

I have sent your name and location to various and many scientific labs for study.  I am sure they would love to figure out how something that looks human can function on a daily basis without a heart.

You are the reason I have nightmares at night about psychopaths.  I used to think you were just bipolar but given the events over the years I came to realize you are just an out right sociopath.  At least bipolar people have some feelings about others at some point.  You have none..thus you are a sociopath.

Even when you got on drugs and left us in a mess...again doing what you felt like doing without taking into account how it would affect us or what you would look like in the eyes of your kids...and you came back and asked for help...and even though I was angry and disliked you so much at that time...I cared about you and gave you the help you needed. 

Even over the years when you refused to take any interest in what any of us liked, wanted, did, etc. I hung in there trying to keep our family together.  Even when you bullied and yelled to get your own way...or belittled others when you didn't...I hung in there and prayed for you. 

It really is my fault for naively thinking you were a regular human being...and if you were shown kindness and love and caring that you would change.  But you can't.  You can't make changes to something that isn't there. 

I do not believe you were born this way.  I think too many years of hurt and abuse messed you up and I was too stupid to realize that the damage was irreparable.  The scar tissue has rendered you numb.  You are cruel and unappreciative.

You wanted to marry me.  That didn't make you happy.  You wanted kids...a boy and a girl.  You got that...it didn't make you feel happy.  You wanted your own home and dogs.  That didn't make you feel happy.  Now you think this job in another state and divorcing me is what MIGHT make you feel happy.  Don't count on it.

I know I will feel better without you.  Once I get used to NOT doing things a certain way that YOU want them done because I don't want to hear you yell it will be good.

So, Mr. Miserable-Excuse-for-a-Human-Being, I will no longer excuse your behavior because of your past treatment by others.  I did not treat you that way.  Your kids did not treat you that way.  I am only more than happy to hit your ass with the door on your way out.

And no...don't keep in touch.

signed:

The Best Thing That Ever Happened to You