Inadequate

I felt a panic attack coming on...seemingly out of nowhere. I was cleaning and taking stock of what I still needed to do around the house. Then I started feeling overwhelmed..then depressed because I am just not doing enough. I could handle things around here and get things done when I was here...not working outside the house. I don't know how other ppl do it! They work and get things done around their house...they go places and do things. I feel like a plop...a failure. I get frustrated with so much. I have a bachelors degree...lots of different and various kinds of work experience. I am good at listening to people and figuring out what is needed. Yet...I can get nowhere. I know God has His timing and He is working things out for me. Patience has never been anything I've been good with. I have faith...but if I let myself think too much it all seems overwhelming to me..then I get anxious...depressed. Then I just feel like a failure. I expect a lot out of myself...and the pressure I put on myself is overwhelming. My cousin Pamela is an accountant. No college...tech high school. Worked her way up. Her first marriage was a guy who went to law school. She hung on to him and helped him through high school to overcome his drinking problem...supported him through college...then when he passed the bar and got a job, he boinked his secretary and got her pregnant. She waited a long time to get married again. The husband she has now has a decent job as a mechanic and they have a group of friends they ride motorcycles with almost every weekend. They are happy. I want happy. A real partner.