Calm. That is what I am settling into...the best I can.
Evil spoke to his son yesterday and told him he is feeling somewhat better. He moved his stuff out of Thug's step mother's house and into private storage. He told Thug it wasn't a breakup, just a 'step back' but apparently she wasn't fooled by it and did not take it well...whatever that means. I don't care. All I was concerned with was whether or not he was getting better, health wise. I got confirmation of that so...I am done.
He will find out, now, what it is really like not to have me in his life. I am not doing it for any reason...no mind games, etc. I am just getting on with my life and enjoying not having to put up with his stupid decisions and his drama.
I am now working on my life. It is a weird feeling to get used to...working on me, and only me.
It is like having constricted breathing for years and suddenly the breathing passages open up. I will no longer have someone following me around telling me all that I am doing wrong. Even my worst moments could not compare to the stuff he did.
I will not be anchored to someone who would rather be anywhere but home. I will no longer sit here and wonder what is so awful about me that he does not want to spend his time with me.
I am excited for my future. I am loving my job, and will move up the scale. Even if I do not get a teaching job with OHVA, I can move up the ladder with k12 in other capacities. I am in a great place right now.
Personal relationships will happen. God will guide me in the right direction when it is time.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
How Deep is Your Naivete?
I am glad that my job keeps me so busy. I am glad that my kids are old enough that I don't HAVE to cook for them, do their laundry, dress them, supervise them (for the most part)...and I can work so much because of that.
I need to keep my mind occupied. When it is not, things in my life swirl around in my head like a kaleidoscope picture...the parts moving around and when it stops you get a different view. And that is when the 'fun' begins. I sometimes gain a better understanding of the parts...or just get a new 'aha' moment...or just a realization sets in.
I had some down time yesterday. My case load was a bit light this week. I worked 2-12 hour days on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I just had to send out enrollment verifications for some students, assign some to prinicipals, and fill in my spreadsheet for the school data gatherers. Friday, I did not have much of anything to do until about 2:30 when she assigned me my next case load...and, boy, did she dump a pile on me! That just means I am going to be VERY busy Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
But the down time I had yesterday...left time for the pieces parts of my entire life to shift around and give me some realization. Or maybe it was just give what I already kinda knew a bold face type with an underline.
I grew up in a way that was so very perfect. Well, not perfect, but pretty great. My parents spoke intelligently without the use of profanity. We lived in a quiet, well kept, neighborhood with plenty of kids to play with. I was able to ride my bike around the neighborhood and there was an ice cream/mini golf place just a short bike ride away from home. There was a corner convenience store (before they called them 'convenience store') with a meat counter (the guy that owned the place was a butcher) and a candy counter. Mom would give us kids a nickel sometimes and we would think we were RICH. We would high tail it to the candy counter and buy Bazooka bubble gum, or nickel nips, or wax lips, or twizzlers, etc.
Our church, that we attended every Sunday, was a few houses down the road. I was shirt tail relation to most of the people that went there (one of my shirt tail cousins is now a pretty well known children's chapter book author...his stories based off of his life growing up on a farm in a small town).
When I was a teenager, my friends and I would ride our bikes down to the beach and stay for the day...after we finished our chores. We lived in a town that was on the shore of Lake Erie. It was great. We would take our allowances and stop at the Red Barn for cokes and fries. When we got driver's licenses, we would gather at the Dairy Queen or the Public Dock for frisbee and under age drinking...something that I didn't do...honestly, I didn't.
My parents worked hard and our house was one of the prettier ones in town. They didn't have a lot of money but they could stretch a quarter. They managed to save enough to buy a really nice motorhome. Every couple of years, they would pack all of us in it and off we would go. One summer we were gone for 3 weeks. We traveled up to Mt. Rushmore, through Yellowstone Park, down the coast of California, stopped to visit with my Aunt Wilma and Uncle Starr (both died from cancer less than a decade later), toured through San Francisco, stopped at the Grand Canyon, Virginia City, Las Vegas, and a few other places before making it back to our little Ohio town.
Most of our trips were to Florida...the Keys, Miami, Orlando, etc. My dad's parents were down there from November to April and my mom had a sister that lived there. We would always take a day to park on the beach at Daytona. You can't do that anymore, from what I understand. It was GREAT!
I guess where I am going with this is to give you all some idea what my life was like. Pretty drama-less and happy.
Then I met Evil Spawn. His life was anything but drama-less and happy. Being married to me the only drama he had was the drama he created. And he is still creating it.
I have realized that I do not and will not understand how anyone would always drift towards having that kind of a mess of drama in their life. But he seems to and had I known that that is a real 'thing' that people do, then I would not have married him.
I was, and to a certain point still am, naive.
I need to keep my mind occupied. When it is not, things in my life swirl around in my head like a kaleidoscope picture...the parts moving around and when it stops you get a different view. And that is when the 'fun' begins. I sometimes gain a better understanding of the parts...or just get a new 'aha' moment...or just a realization sets in.
I had some down time yesterday. My case load was a bit light this week. I worked 2-12 hour days on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I just had to send out enrollment verifications for some students, assign some to prinicipals, and fill in my spreadsheet for the school data gatherers. Friday, I did not have much of anything to do until about 2:30 when she assigned me my next case load...and, boy, did she dump a pile on me! That just means I am going to be VERY busy Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
But the down time I had yesterday...left time for the pieces parts of my entire life to shift around and give me some realization. Or maybe it was just give what I already kinda knew a bold face type with an underline.
I grew up in a way that was so very perfect. Well, not perfect, but pretty great. My parents spoke intelligently without the use of profanity. We lived in a quiet, well kept, neighborhood with plenty of kids to play with. I was able to ride my bike around the neighborhood and there was an ice cream/mini golf place just a short bike ride away from home. There was a corner convenience store (before they called them 'convenience store') with a meat counter (the guy that owned the place was a butcher) and a candy counter. Mom would give us kids a nickel sometimes and we would think we were RICH. We would high tail it to the candy counter and buy Bazooka bubble gum, or nickel nips, or wax lips, or twizzlers, etc.
Our church, that we attended every Sunday, was a few houses down the road. I was shirt tail relation to most of the people that went there (one of my shirt tail cousins is now a pretty well known children's chapter book author...his stories based off of his life growing up on a farm in a small town).
When I was a teenager, my friends and I would ride our bikes down to the beach and stay for the day...after we finished our chores. We lived in a town that was on the shore of Lake Erie. It was great. We would take our allowances and stop at the Red Barn for cokes and fries. When we got driver's licenses, we would gather at the Dairy Queen or the Public Dock for frisbee and under age drinking...something that I didn't do...honestly, I didn't.
My parents worked hard and our house was one of the prettier ones in town. They didn't have a lot of money but they could stretch a quarter. They managed to save enough to buy a really nice motorhome. Every couple of years, they would pack all of us in it and off we would go. One summer we were gone for 3 weeks. We traveled up to Mt. Rushmore, through Yellowstone Park, down the coast of California, stopped to visit with my Aunt Wilma and Uncle Starr (both died from cancer less than a decade later), toured through San Francisco, stopped at the Grand Canyon, Virginia City, Las Vegas, and a few other places before making it back to our little Ohio town.
Most of our trips were to Florida...the Keys, Miami, Orlando, etc. My dad's parents were down there from November to April and my mom had a sister that lived there. We would always take a day to park on the beach at Daytona. You can't do that anymore, from what I understand. It was GREAT!
I guess where I am going with this is to give you all some idea what my life was like. Pretty drama-less and happy.
Then I met Evil Spawn. His life was anything but drama-less and happy. Being married to me the only drama he had was the drama he created. And he is still creating it.
I have realized that I do not and will not understand how anyone would always drift towards having that kind of a mess of drama in their life. But he seems to and had I known that that is a real 'thing' that people do, then I would not have married him.
I was, and to a certain point still am, naive.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
So, not this last weekend, but the weekend before...the last weekend of August...I woke up on Sunday morning, opened up my email and there was a notification that Thug Life had sent me a connection request on my LinkedIn. I sent a text to Evil Spawn and told him what she had done and I told him she is certifiable and it would be a cold day in hell...but she would deny it...again.
I would have gone on my merry way BUT...he did something that raised a big fat red flag...he apologized!!! He said, I am so sorry. You do not deserve any of this. I am still in Tucson when I get home I will put an end to it for good.
Huh. So, I mentioned it to Karen. She, being the great friend that she can be, went to Thug Life's FB page and copied the rant she was having...with MY NAME smack dab in the middle of it...and sent me a copy. I read it and wow...she was angry at EVERYONE! She ranted about Evil's whole family ad how she had blocked them alllll....and on and on.
I sent it to him. Then he called me and explained how when he had gone to Canada, he found out his Iphone was connected to his Ipad (both company equipment) and she discovered this also. He had left the Ipad in his apartment, she had a key to the place and was there while he was gone, and followed his phone calls and texts while he was away. She saw every text he had sent to me and any phone call to his kids or me. I do not recall a phone call from/to him.
So,..now back to The Sunday...he called me at one time during the day and I was busy. So I tried to call him back and I got, "This phone is no longer accepting calls from this number." Bethany had just gotten home from work so I asked to borrow her phone. I called him and the call went through. He was surprised that it was me. I told him why I didn't answer his call and then told him that I got the message that his phone was no longer accepting calls from my phone. He says, :"Oh REEEEEEAAALLLY?" She had figured out how to block me from his phone...because HE HAD LEFT HIS IPAD AT HOME AGAIN! I went off on him...about his stupidity!
We figured out that she had hacked into his personal AND business email. He had dinner with his boss that night and had to let his boss know about the Ipad unlock and email hack. That must have been some conversation!
Even better...she could get into his apartment and he had guns and ammo in there,..not all under lock and key. AND the stuff that he came here to get Memorial Day weekend he had stored at Thug's step mom's house.
Bonus...he tells me she is bipolar and abuses her meds. shocker. I felt like he was walking into a real nasty set up.
So,.. he got home that following Tuesday and found out she had totally moved into his apartment, She gave up HER place.
I left my house Thursday night to go to visit my parents and spend some weekend time with my friend Jackie. TJ called me Thursday night while I was driving to tell me that he had called his dad to find out if he was alive or dead. He said 'dad' was home sick and had been since he got home from Tucson. He had been sitting for days trying to remember all of his accounts and passwords and changing them all. He had called the bank and ordered a new card.
Today, Bethany says she got a call from him yesterday and he told her that he discovered about her moving in. He tried to break it off with her, she took a bunch of pills and drove off, She ended up rear ending someone and she can't afford to fix her car so she is still in his apartment.
On top of that, she had to take HIM to the ER...he had an awful pain in his stomach, lower back, and his vision started going blurry. He was terribly dehydrated and has some sort of bug on top of it...but the hospital did not know what it is. So they gave him 2 shots and some pills. He has been home sleeping a lot. He says he can't stay awake.
I just wonder if he does have a bug...or there is something going into him...without his knowledge.
I might not jump to that conclusion but she is nuts.
He has really really got himself into a deep pile of doo. I pray for his safety and health. I also pray that he does not lose his job.
I, in the meantime, realized that during her two separate rants about me was her going off because her feelings were hurt. She had gone through his email and he had saved every email I sent him and she read all of the things I had said to him about her...including the warnings. So, I apologized to HIM about it. I had no right to say anything to him about her or his life choices. And this is the truth.
It is not about what she said about me...that is her problem. I don't care what she says because I don't know her. It means nothing to me. I just had to apologize for my wrong doing.
I have come to understand a lot of things about him and his choices through all of this. AND I also came to realize that I do not love him in any way. Not even a little bit. I don't hate him...I just do not want anything more to do with him. I will pray for him and hope his journey will take him into a better direction and into safety.
The end of a long, stress filled road.
And even though I am putting in really long hours at my job, I love it still. I am happy with my chaotic home life. It is chaotic but we love each other and it is working. I am not interested in adding anyone else to my life right now. It will get there someday perhaps.
I would have gone on my merry way BUT...he did something that raised a big fat red flag...he apologized!!! He said, I am so sorry. You do not deserve any of this. I am still in Tucson when I get home I will put an end to it for good.
Huh. So, I mentioned it to Karen. She, being the great friend that she can be, went to Thug Life's FB page and copied the rant she was having...with MY NAME smack dab in the middle of it...and sent me a copy. I read it and wow...she was angry at EVERYONE! She ranted about Evil's whole family ad how she had blocked them alllll....and on and on.
I sent it to him. Then he called me and explained how when he had gone to Canada, he found out his Iphone was connected to his Ipad (both company equipment) and she discovered this also. He had left the Ipad in his apartment, she had a key to the place and was there while he was gone, and followed his phone calls and texts while he was away. She saw every text he had sent to me and any phone call to his kids or me. I do not recall a phone call from/to him.
So,..now back to The Sunday...he called me at one time during the day and I was busy. So I tried to call him back and I got, "This phone is no longer accepting calls from this number." Bethany had just gotten home from work so I asked to borrow her phone. I called him and the call went through. He was surprised that it was me. I told him why I didn't answer his call and then told him that I got the message that his phone was no longer accepting calls from my phone. He says, :"Oh REEEEEEAAALLLY?" She had figured out how to block me from his phone...because HE HAD LEFT HIS IPAD AT HOME AGAIN! I went off on him...about his stupidity!
We figured out that she had hacked into his personal AND business email. He had dinner with his boss that night and had to let his boss know about the Ipad unlock and email hack. That must have been some conversation!
Even better...she could get into his apartment and he had guns and ammo in there,..not all under lock and key. AND the stuff that he came here to get Memorial Day weekend he had stored at Thug's step mom's house.
Bonus...he tells me she is bipolar and abuses her meds. shocker. I felt like he was walking into a real nasty set up.
So,.. he got home that following Tuesday and found out she had totally moved into his apartment, She gave up HER place.
I left my house Thursday night to go to visit my parents and spend some weekend time with my friend Jackie. TJ called me Thursday night while I was driving to tell me that he had called his dad to find out if he was alive or dead. He said 'dad' was home sick and had been since he got home from Tucson. He had been sitting for days trying to remember all of his accounts and passwords and changing them all. He had called the bank and ordered a new card.
Today, Bethany says she got a call from him yesterday and he told her that he discovered about her moving in. He tried to break it off with her, she took a bunch of pills and drove off, She ended up rear ending someone and she can't afford to fix her car so she is still in his apartment.
On top of that, she had to take HIM to the ER...he had an awful pain in his stomach, lower back, and his vision started going blurry. He was terribly dehydrated and has some sort of bug on top of it...but the hospital did not know what it is. So they gave him 2 shots and some pills. He has been home sleeping a lot. He says he can't stay awake.
I just wonder if he does have a bug...or there is something going into him...without his knowledge.
I might not jump to that conclusion but she is nuts.
He has really really got himself into a deep pile of doo. I pray for his safety and health. I also pray that he does not lose his job.
I, in the meantime, realized that during her two separate rants about me was her going off because her feelings were hurt. She had gone through his email and he had saved every email I sent him and she read all of the things I had said to him about her...including the warnings. So, I apologized to HIM about it. I had no right to say anything to him about her or his life choices. And this is the truth.
It is not about what she said about me...that is her problem. I don't care what she says because I don't know her. It means nothing to me. I just had to apologize for my wrong doing.
I have come to understand a lot of things about him and his choices through all of this. AND I also came to realize that I do not love him in any way. Not even a little bit. I don't hate him...I just do not want anything more to do with him. I will pray for him and hope his journey will take him into a better direction and into safety.
The end of a long, stress filled road.
And even though I am putting in really long hours at my job, I love it still. I am happy with my chaotic home life. It is chaotic but we love each other and it is working. I am not interested in adding anyone else to my life right now. It will get there someday perhaps.
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