I did not think this would be quite so difficult. I told myself, "life will not change so much. You work from home, you live by yourself." But it has. I cannot see my friends. They will text and call but it is not the same. No sitting at each other's houses having tea or beer and conversation. No going to a store or restaurant together.
TJ's job got cut right before he was to start. The hospital closed parts of it and laid off 50% of the IT department. They told him that they would bring him in once things opened back up. But who knows when that will be?
Susan, whose husband died 2 weeks after my divorce was official, has not sat still since. She got busy and completed the remodel of their house that was planned in order for her mom to move in. Then she packed up her mom and moved her in. She joined a book club and volunteered at the community food pantry, among other things. She kept on working her job at the school. But then this stay-at-home corona virus thing hit and the school buildings closed and since she was a paraprofessional she just had to stay home...not clubs and she couldn't volunteer because she was worried about bringing germs home to her mom. She has had nothing but time to think and it is all settling in...her life without her husband.
Debbie called me tonight. She had told me over the weekend that she had to go stay with her mom because she had fallen outside and hurt her hip. She said she was pretty resentful because her 4 siblings expected it of her because she is the single one. She says her mom smokes a lot and is lazy and the smoking bothers her breathing. She also is resentful because she works long hours as a nurse and now she has to come there and clean up. Tonight she told me that she is considering buying her mom's house and then she will have her own place, she will fix it up and when her mom is gone, the house is hers. She said her mom can pay her rent. Her siblings told her to do that. I told her that the fixing of things is that pain in the butt part.
That seems to be my siblings way of thinking of me. When one of our parents dies, since I am single, I will get to take care of the one that's left. I wouldn't mind but their attitude seems to be that I should just sit quietly and stay out of the way until they need me.
I tried to give my father my extra laptop. It has a really fast processor and I took all of my stuff off of it. He was complaining that his laptop was slow. BUT as soon as I mentioned giving him my extra laptop he ran out and bought a chromebook. I overreacted about it when it was none of my business. I apologized for questioning their need to buy that when I could have given them a free computer. I was being ornery. I had been anxious all do and found myself having intermittent panic attacks. I had seen someone post on FB "remember, there are some that are quarantined with abusers." and it just sent me over the edge. I really did not expect a reaction let alone panic attacks. All day. I ended up taking 2 CBD oil capsules so that I could calm down and sleep. I woke up this morning and I felt the anxiety rising in me again so I took 2 more capsules. I told Debbie that those reactions just need to be done already. She said, "you need more therapy. Yet, you bought a bird bath." I told her that working outside IS my therapy.
I went down the road to my cousin Tommy Jr.'s tonight to drop off my touchscreen laptop for him to fix. I will be SO happy to have that back. Well, since my dad does not want this laptop I am typing on right now, I will give it to TJ's wife, Brittany. Tommy Jr. is fixing the other smaller, slower touchscreen laptop that the ex bought me 6 years ago. I will have that for a back up incase something happens to my favorite touchscreen.
Any how, I have a lot of weeds to deal with outside tomorrow an a bird bath to deal with.
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