The Long Meeting of Sharing and Feels

Today we had a 4 1/2 hour long Middle School meeting on line.  We all shared our lives.  There are other teachers out there that get what I have gone through because some of them are on the same page.  No, I did not start the whole thing.  There was another teacher that started telling her story...then another..and another...somewhere in there I shared some...and it just went on for 2 hours.
Then we had lunch and the rest of the meeting.

I had another epiphany.  And it has dropped a boulder off of my back:  it has not been that I did not forgive Douche, the problem has been that I have not forgiven myself.  Then I also realized that no one was holding anything against me.  I talked to my kids and they both said that no, they didn't have any hard feelings against me about anything. I was a good mom, I was always there and raised them well.  They are able to stand on their own 2 feet and figure things out. They are relatively well adjusted despite their dad.  So...having heard that, I forgave myself and have moved on.  I am feeling emotionally lighter.

Anytime Douche starts to creep into my thoughts at all, I stop and make my thoughts go in a different direction.  There is no reason for me to think of what is out in Kansas.

I am concentrating on what I need to do.  I do what I want to do and I am reveling in not having to be concerned with anyone else.

We found out our school may be taking in another 400-500 students soon.  They are trying to hire more teachers now to get ahead of the influx. But they also said we will need another 12 Intervention Specialists.  Does that mean that I will end up with way more students than I should have?  Again?
I am down to 17 students.  I started with 23.  I had to give 3 of them to a new IS.  Then one left the school on their own, 3 have been truancy withdrawn, another one was switched to a different curriculum and IS, then I received 2 new students.  I have not checked the student list today...I probably have another new one on there already.

Too many 'feels' today.  I am tired out.