I get really frustrated with my phone and computer's spell correction feature. I was trying to type the word 'epiphanies' in a text message to a friend and my phone kept changing it to 'Pup hankies'. I have no idea why that would make more sense.
Anyway...in just one observation by a friend, the last of the fog disappeared.
She said (and I am just giving a paraphrase) that she could always tell when I had been in contact with my ex because I was more anxious, uptight, and complained more. I was like, "huh". I sat and thought about that. Then I asked Bethany, TJ, and Brittany if they agreed with that. They all did. My daughter even went so far to say that when I had blocked him from my phone and email I was more calm, I joked around more, sang, and really didn't mention him at all.
So I took those observations and realized that I was anxious and sad and complained throughout most of my marriage. I second guessed myself and always felt like I could never do anything right.
My mother told me not long after I married him that everyone lost 'me'...I wasn't that same self assured, head strong, joker I had always been.
It was after listening to what the kids had to add, along with my epiphanies, that I relaxed and knew what I have to do...close that book and put a lock on it. I do not know what he will do with his life but it is not my concern. I am happy that it is not my concern. I am finding me and liking that person again. And someone else will find me and like me too.
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